Page 68 of When We Crash


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“You were always a smart kid. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She sat forward, her eyes piercing into me. “So, what brings you here after all this time, Dex?” There was no malice in her voice. She didn’t blame me even though her son was gone.

“I lost my memory after the accident. I didn’t know until now that it was—that your son—” I cleared my throat again, fighting back the emotions building within me. “I came as soon as I knew. I know it’s seven months too late but, I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head adamantly. “None of that. I won’t have it, Dex.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “You don’t get to take the blame over something you had no control over.” She breathed in deeply. “The good Lord called him home, Dex. And I miss him, but I feel him around me every day. And if I’m being honest, I feel closer to him now than I have in all this time you’ve been gone.”

I nodded, wiping at the tears that had begun to cloud my vision.

“I think we’re kindred spirits, Dex. I lost my son, you lost your parents. A mother should never have to bury her son. But a boy shouldn’t have to bury his parents before he becomes a man.”

“I don’t remember them. When I lost my memory, I lost it all. There are things I can make out, like somehow I knew where you lived, but other things I’m completely blank on.” I hung my head in shame. All those feelings, the guilt from not remembering them despite being their legacy, were enough to bring me to my knees.

Warms hands ran over my shoulders, and I felt her sitting beside me.

“I knew your parents. You and Greg Junior were always on the playground together growing up. Ralph, too. Even as you got older, you stayed in touch. And he always admired and loved you. But you have to know you’re making them proud.” She pulled my face up so my eyes met hers. “And you’re making me proud.”

She hugged me against her tightly, and I couldn’t hold back the sobs. I was hugging my mother.

I sat back, wiping my nose against my arm. “How’s Annabelle’s family?” When I thought of them, I saw a blurry image of a stern woman and a man who laughed often.

“They didn’t take the news so well. We speak from time to time, but last I heard, they sold their house and moved to California. Couldn’t take the grief of having to see this place every day, I guess.” She smiled. “Gosh, those kids were so crazy in love. It was wonderful to witness.”

“If only it were that easy with me,” I said, feeling like I could finally get the issues with Noa off my chest.

It was so much easier when I was Greg and she was Annabelle.

I wondered how it’d been in each life prior. How it’d be in each life following the end of this one.

She leaned back, looking at me with incredulity. “What do you mean? Greg and Annabelle knew the best ways to get underneath each other’s skin. The way they’d bicker sometimes, you’d think they were the ones who’d been married over twenty years.”

I frowned, not remembering that part in all this. “Really?”

“Oh, yes. But it didn’t make them any less in love. Or any less meant for each other. Understand that, Dexter. Greg Senior and I push each other constantly. Love isn’t something that is going to lie down and be taken. You’ve got to fight, even if it’s with the other person.”

I looked down at my hands. “I think I may’ve pushed her too far away. I gave up on her after I promised I never would.”

She took one of my hands in hers. “Relationships tend to get messy. But if you’re anything like my Greg Junior, and I know you are, you’ll find a way to make her see you for who you really are. I learned a lot from Greg and Annabelle. But the best thing I learned was to never give up on your soulmate. Theyweresoulmates, I believe. They butted heads constantly, but when they crashed, they crashed together.”

“Would it be all right if I came to see you again?”

She nodded, tears in her eyes. “I’d like that very much. And I’m sure Greg Junior would like that as well.”

If only she knew how right she was.

* * *

I headed backto my house, hoping Ralph was there.

When I walked through the front door and saw him at the kitchen island, I took a page from Noa’s book of directness. “Why didn’t you guys tell me I killed mybest friend? I just came from his house, you know. You didn’t think I’d remember?”

What started out as calm and direct ended up being loud and emotional, my finger pointed in their direction.

Ralph’s jaw dropped, and Tracey set her cup down calmly.

“It’s my fault,” she said. “I told everyone it was best you didn’t know.”

“He was part of mylife, Tracey. You can’t erase him. You can’t pretend he didn’t exist.” I was upset for me because my old body was lying in the dirt, and I hadn’t been mourned in this house. I’d been pushed under a rug.

But Dexter was the one who wasn’t actually here. And I shared a boyhood and teenage bond with him. He’d been broody and quick-witted and a hell of a friend to Ralph and me.

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