AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“This totally constitutes talking about it,” I gritted out, wishing he’d stop hugging me. It was starting to feel more like a trap than a genuine gesture.
He apologized and let me go. We lined up in alphabetical order and began to file into our seats.
Some man stood up and gave a speech, and the whole time I wondered why they picked him. He didn’t know any of us and none of us knew him.
Next was Rachel, the valedictorian. She talked about life and school. Then she talked about loss—and I tuned it out.
They started to file rows out and hand the students their diplomas. When my turn came, I smiled for the camera—knowing Aunt Tracey would kill me if I didn’t—and walked off, following the line back to my seat.
They said Noa’s name, and it was like a kick in the gut. Her name was forbidden in my house. No one said her name around me.
But when it was announced and she didn’t walk up and claim her diploma, I wanted to scream, punch things, burn the whole fucking ceremony down. Instead, I did nothing. I sat there with the hurt inside me and kept it from the world.
After all the diplomas were distributed, the principal came to the podium, congratulating us all and wishing us well. Then music began playing, and a series of pictures took over a large screen on the stage. When a picture of me and Noa came up, I closed my eyes.
But it was the picture right after which knocked the wind out of me.
On and onwhile everyone else around me threw their caps up in celebration, my eyes remained on the screen in front of me. I knew those faces. Her eyes, bright and blue, were so full of life and joy; and the eyes that belonged to him—belonged tome—didn’t bother leaving her face. He watched her with pure adoration, and I kneweverything—the moment before we collided, my hand caressing her face as we made our way to dinner. Her breathless sigh as my eyes kept steady contact with hers, not bothering to watch the road I’d driven on a hundred times. The sound of her crying out when she noticed someone—Dexter—running out into the road. The thump of his body being hit by my car and then the swerve that landed us smack into the tree. Silence.
The sound of her last breath, quiet and peaceful, as we died together.
Her name was Annabelle.
Mine was Greg.
Dexter
I said my goodbyes,not quite looking Ralph or Tracey in the eyes. I couldn’t.
I didn’t know how to feel and the one person I wanted to talk to would likely never want to speak to me again.
I was still fuzzy on a lot of things. But I knew the way Annabelle felt and how wonderful it was to be in love with her and to feel her love for me.
I didn’t know where I was headed to when I got into my car but when I pulled up in front of the place that had once housed me, I knew I had to go inside. I threw my cap and gown in the backseat and got out of the car, taking in the house in front of me.
It was a grieving house. The flowers weren’t cared for the way they might’ve been, had the owners of the home not been dealing with a recent tragedy.
I walked up the steps, wiping my hands against my cargo shorts before pressing my fingers against the doorbell. I heard the gentle pad of feet coming downstairs and the door creaked open.
“Dexter?” Dark hair—graying—and eyes surrounded by laugh lines. More memories surfaced. I grabbed onto the doorframe, feeling ill. “Dex? Are you all right?” When her hand reached out to steady me, I stepped back.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I shook my head. “You know Dex—I mean, me. You know me?”
She smiled. “Of course, I do. I feel like I hardly know you anymore. It’s been some time. Seven months now. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, still holding onto the door. “Do you want to come inside? I think you need to sit down.”
I nodded, afraid to use my words.
“Greg Senior isn’t here yet. He’s on his way back from the office. I, uh, I hoped you’d come by before everyone went off to school. If I remember right, you had your heart set on the East Coast.” She spoke easily enough, her bare feet meeting the floor quietly before she sat on the couch, tucking them beneath her. She was in all black, something I knew was only a reflection of how she was feeling inside.
How did I know this?
Like a light going off inside me, all these details about her began to emerge. One by one, I saw her baking, photographing, cycling, crying, and laughing. And I knew that, whatever she felt on the inside, determined how she clothed herself on the outside. She was a free woman, one who wasn’t afraid to feel emotions. She wassolike Noa—had Noa let herself be herself.
She balanced out her partner, who was more conservative than she was. They were amazing parents, and I—I had been the love of their lives.
Greg Senior and Molly.
I cleared my throat and sat across from her. “Yeah, um, I’m still trying to decide what it is I should be doing.”
