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“It’s not stupid,” I said, wanting her to be comfortable enough to tell me how she felt. “What’s stupid is this sweatshirt I’m wearing.” I pulled it away from my body, annoyed that Dexter didn’t have any hoodies in his possession.
She started the car with a chuckle. “It’s actually one of your favorites. Cost me a pretty penny, that one.”
“Why did I dress like this? And why the shiny car that I hate to get dirty?” What I wanted to ask was how she could even stand someone like Dexter. He was a puzzle to me. In a superficial relationship, his life full of superficial things.
“It’s what you liked,” she said. “The car was your dad’s, but I think it made you feel more adult. I think it was a control thing. You lost your parents, your life was out of control. You became an adult overnight.”
She drove through town, and while some things tickled the back of my mind, most of it was a blur of buildings I couldn’t connect with. “I feel like I’m stuck in some Charles Dickens fantasy land. But instead of having ghosts of past, present, and future, I’m stuck with the sins of another life.”
“Sins?” She looked at me with a frown before watching the road again. “You’re still growing up, Dex. Stop being so hard on yourself.”
As we neared, I saw the packed parking lot and my nerves hit me with sudden force. I was struck by the knowledge that I’d have to see people who knew Dex and would most likely have to interact with them.
I wondered if they knew about myamnesiaor what they heard about the accident. Was it too late to turn back? They’d blame me for the people who died.
Hell, I’d blame me. It was stupid of Dex to have run out in the middle of the road.
“You positive you want to do this?” Tracey asked after she slid smoothly into a parking spot away from the other cars.
“I feel like you’re trying to talk me out of it.” I looked out into the crowd of people buying their tickets. “But we have to go in. Ralph deserves it.” I opened the door and got out of the car, then reached in back to grab my crutches. With them tucked safely under my arms, I turned, and we headed toward the gaggle of people who’d already started to notice me.
A few of them stared, some whispered, but more often than not, they nodded and smiled. And when I reached them, some spoke, wishing me well and telling me they were happy I could make it.
“See? Nothing to be worried about,” Tracey said, smoothing her hands over her jeans. Her near whisper indicated that the need to say it was more for herself than for me.
People stepped aside, letting me go all the way to the front of the line. We purchased our tickets from a girl whose face reddened with each word I said. I tried to keep the conversation to the bare minimum, afraid she’d eventually burst. Tracey took the tickets from her outstretched hand, and when I prepared to move my crutches to step away, the girl in the ticket booth told me to have a great day.
I turned back to her, a smile stretched across my face. “Same to you,” I said, noting her quivering lips.
Tracey came up beside me, keeping pace with me as we headed to the stands. “You’ve probably made her dreams come true, you know.” She slid her eyes my way with a smirk.
I shrugged. “She was nice. I was nice back.”
“As if you don’t know that all these girls are inlovewith you. You may have forgotten, so I’ll tell you. All these girls are in love with you.” She laughed when I rolled my eyes. “When I got custody of you, all I could think was, how the hell am I going to keep the chicks off my lawn? I was once a teenage girl. I know how messy it gets. Prepared for that, I am not.”
“Have I given you much trouble in that department?” I asked as she led me to an empty bleacher far from the crowd.
She’d managed to keep us away from the entrance as well. It seemed we both weren’t looking forward to seeing and being seen.
“Surprisingly, no. Your parents raised you to be respectful to women and you always have been. When you linked up with Becca, I think you figured it was what was expected of you. Romantic experience, I mean. Before that, you went on a few dates. Nothing serious. Not that I’d call your experience with Becca serious. But, I must say, she was the first who could ever get you to call her back.”
“I told you all this?”
She nodded, her cheeks pink from the cool air. “I told you, we used to be sort of close. And I’d give you lady advice. This was…before, of course. You used to ask all sorts of questions.”
“Like what?”
She scrunched her nose and I chuckled.
“That bad?” I asked.
“Not bad. Just funny.” Her body language changed, and her voice deepened as she tried to imitate me. “Why do they get mad when I don’t call? I never promised them anything. What’s it like to be with someone of actual substance? I don’t think I could ever fall in love. Please don’t tell me you were anything likethem, Aunt Tracey.” She laughed at the memory and I smiled along, happy to know I wasn’t always a jackass.
“What’s it like to be with someone of actual substance?” I asked.
“Yep, you totally asked me that one. Always the tough questions.” Her eyes were on the field.
“No, I’m asking again.” I pulled the scarf closer to me and rubbed my hands together, looking out at the field as well. I felt her gaze on the side of my face, but I didn’t want to see the pity that might be there.
