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Tabitha contemplated that for a minute, then nodded in agreement.
“Okay. Calm is good. Not killing the Doms is also good.” Sierra saw a glint of humor spark through the haunted eyes and smiled. “Lay it out for me, Tabitha. I’ll help however I can, but you need to be honest with me and yourself. Anal sex is the issue?”
She gagged in confirmation.
“Maybe you should sit down.” Realizing Tabitha didn’t like being touched, Sierra used her fingertips only to guide her new friend over to the counter. “Hop up here and I’ll take a better look at your hand.”
“Don’t say those words.”
Knowing exactly which words Tabitha meant, Sierra snapped her fingers and pointed at the counter. God only knew how much longer her newfound spine would hold up under pressure, so she was going to utilize it to its fullest extent. “Words have power. Power controls fear. Control the words and fear has no power.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Sure it does.” Sierra waited until Tabitha perched herself on the edge of the marble top, then grasped the towel-draped hand. “Wyatt tried to fuck my ass once, before Liam came into my life. It was almost as bad as when he took my virginity.”
“He hurt you?” A dangerous edge in a cold voice.
“Wyatt hurt me a lot. Emotionally more than anything, although sex with him was… I was a pity fuck, mainly. A hole to stick his dick in when other avenues were unavailable. He saved me from bullies in college and I saw him as a savior, fell in love with him, while being so stupidly naïve I couldn’t see he didn’t have the same feelings. The night he took my virginity, he treated me like a two-dollar whore.” Sierra rubbed her fist over her heart absently as pain from the memory throbbed. “Most of the time, intimacy with him was painful. Liam was the first man to fuck me when I was wet.”
Tabitha’s eyes darkened. “You grieved for that fucker?”
“I did, because I still loved him to some degree at the end. For all his faults throughout our relationship, he’d been trying to be a better man, with Liam as an example. It wasn’t until Liam came along that I understood how much of a disservice I’d been doing to myself by allowing Wyatt’s behavior.”
Tabitha snorted. “He was an asshole.”
“He was, sadly.” Sierra inhaled slowly, preparing to divulge more of herself to encourage Tabitha to open up. “Liam took my anal virginity while I pegged Wyatt. It was a lesson, you see—Liam wanted me to know I had power over Wyatt, in a way that wasn’t cruel, while taking something Wyatt craved.”
“You were okay with that?”
“It was insane, but it really opened my eyes to how good anal sex could be.”
Shaking her head, Tabitha’s face twisted into a mask of disgust and panic. “No, it’s not. There’s blood and pain.” Her shoulders hunched up around her ears. “So much pain. Grit knows… heknowsand he still wants to put me t-through that again.”
There it was, Sierra thought with relief. Now they were getting somewhere. She gave Tabitha’s arm a quick stroke, then resumed tending to the nasty gashes in her hand. “Someone did a very bad thing to you. Dominic?”
“Dominic and… others.”
“Hmm. Do you believe Grit would treat you the same way they did?”
“No! No, but—”
“Don’t qualify it. No, he won’t. That’s what you have to focus on. Doms are big, bossy, primal creatures but when you find the right one, there’s nothing they won’t do to protect their submissive, Tabitha. Unfortunately, that includes making us face things we really don’t want to, things we think don’t have any effect on other elements in our life.”
“Like sticking his cock in my ass is going to affect anything?”
Sierra shrugged. “That’s a masculine way of phrasing it. Hear it? That dominance, the forceful undertone. Negative connotations, which given your history are perfectly understandable.”
“How much time did you spend with Constance?” Tabitha demanded.
A smile touched her mouth. God, she missed the Mistress at Avalon, the sweet Domme who was a psychologist by day and Switch by night for her husband, Thane. “Enough to understand you’re hurting and afraid. Deny it all you like, but it’s okay to hurt, it’s not a sin to be scared. Even for kickass assassins,” she added in a low,lowvoice. “Don’t break my neck for saying this, but I think you need to be a woman for a night. A submissive who trusts her Dom to lead her on a terrifying path.”
Tabitha swallowed sickly. “I-I’m afraid I’ll do something bad. Memories… sometimes I blank out and lose myself.” She stared down at her mangled hand, her lip trembling. “I wouldn’t forgive myself if I…”
Sympathy bloomed like a rose in her chest, sad and helpless. What must it feel like to be trapped by all that shit—half of which Sierra didn’t really understand. “What if I helped?”
“You’d let Grit fuck you?” Tabitha didn’t look pleased by the idea.
“Well, that really wouldn’t solve your problem, would it?” Where was the first aid kit she’d asked for? “I’m willing to be there with you, Tabitha. For moral support or a hand to hold.”
