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“No. She begged me not to leave her, and I agreed to put it off for a little bit longer. Every time I brought it up, she became inconsolable, so… the last time, I just didn’t tell her.” I frowned, searching our intertwined fingers for answers that didn’t exist. The memory still clawed at my chest like a demon dragging you into a volcano in Hell.
I peered up at Tess, beautiful as always, glowing in the dark room. Now I knew why she glowed for me. This gorgeous woman housed the soul that mutilated itself in heartbreak because of me. It was inconceivable. I wasn’t worth that kind of energy. Not for anything.
Susannah was a beautiful woman. She could have found a good husband and lived a full life if she’d never met me.
“Why has this not happened until Tess?” I asked Seraphina.
“Susannah cursed herself but bound your souls. It was her soul’s cross to bear each lifetime, and I guess you simply didn’t cross paths until this time.”
“Oh Susannah,” I mumbled. If only I’d talked to her more. “If I knew she was going to do such stupid shit, I would have found someone to bind her magic.” What I didn’t divulge was how much guilt I felt from not finding her after she came to me through Evelyn in that tavern. It might have been too late even if I tried, but knowing how I spent that evening while Susannah lay naked and bleeding on the forest floor, I couldn’t ever forgive myself for that. I’d have to live with it, and the only way I could do that was to make it up to Tess for the rest of our eternity together. If I could ever get her to agree.
I couldn’t begin to guess whether this revelation would drive her further from me in disgust or not. I hoped that it would convince her that we were meant to be. Not in the traditional ‘soul mates’ kind ofway, but the simple truth was we were bound. Sure, it was going to be painful, thanks to Susannah, but I couldn’t leave her. I wouldn’t dream of it.
“Can you break it?” asked Tess. Her voice was so small and faint. Her fear would have been obvious to anyone, and in that moment, I hated how delicious it tasted. I hated who and what I was. Never in my entire existence had I despised myself more.
“No.” Seraphina explained what Tess didn’t understand gently. “Susannah built the curse, so the only one with any chance to break it is a soul-descendant. You.”
“How?”
“That is for you to discover, dear.”
I knew one thing. Tess would not throw her hands in the air and accept our situation. She might never allow herself to settle into comfortably numb again. That’s how I met her, and exactly what I loved about her, and even if it meant our union was always going to be a rocky road, I’d never stop.
She might not appreciate all my obsessive love, but she’d get it, anyway, all the same.
Chapter Sixty-Two: Ink and Rebirth
Tess
“I’m a terrible person.”
In a past life, I’d cursed myself and Maverick because I was pissy that he’d left me. It was so far past petty, I was ashamed of myself for it. All of a sudden, it made sense to me why I was living such a desperately dark existence. I deserved it. I deserved to suffer.
Maverick drove us across the city toward Empire Decay Ink, the hum of the engine thrumming beneath us. “That’s not how it works, monstre.” He laid his hand over mine, his palm warm and reassuring against my skin.
“You heard her. You heard what I did.”
The city lights blurred past the windows, conjuring distorted apparitions of neon blue and red across his determined face. “You didn’t do it,Tess. Susannah did.”
“Susannah was me in a past life, though.” The essence of leather and faint cologne filled the car, joining the distant aroma of street food wafting through the air outside, turning my stomach.
“No. Tess, your soul isn’t who you are. Your soul is like a lamp. If I have a lamp and put it in a different room, is it the same thing?”
“It’s the same lamp.”
“But it’s not the same room. The walls are a different shape, the wallpaper is different, the furniture is different, and it’s all arranged in a completely unique way. The light only illuminates the room.”
Everything I’d ever thought about souls began to rearrange in my head. But was he just saying that to make me feel better? “Really?”
“Would I lie to you?”
I glared at him. I’d never read about reincarnation, but now I’d be in deep research mode as soon as I could get the time. The lights and buildings blurred as we sped past them. I couldn’t imagine making the kind of decision Susannah had made, but I also knew sometimes shit happens, and it makes you crazy. “Was she already fucked up before you met her, Mav? Have you always liked them a little mad?”
He grinned. “More than likely. But I guess Susannah was hurting more than I realized. She wrapped her light in tar because it was all too much. I wish I’d known what she was capable of so I could have stopped her. She could have done so much more if she’d forgotten all about me like I told her to.”
I hummed in understanding, but I’d need some time to really process everything that had happened. It was all crashing over me, too much too fast. The rhythmic click of the turn signal echoed softly, a steady metronome against the backdrop of the engine.
“There’s something else you should know, Tess.”
