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I spin around and march out of the living room. I need to get away from all of them. My fucking brothers are cowards. They don’t have the balls to stand up to him.
As soon as I leave, I hear the cackle of laughter.
It is funny for them.
This is amusing.
My pain entertains them.
My hatred is like venom. It’s inside me, and when I do eventually get so angry I let it out, it will be deadly..
I walk right out of the house, into the garden. I don’t stop walking. The property is massive enough I can keep going. Big enough to walk off this rage. The excruciating pain that is radiating through my body, from my broken heart.
I stop when I reach the orange trees. I grab a branch to steady myself. The world has tilted on its axis and I’m falling off.
Hanging my head down, I try to even my breathing. But I can’t. I am panicked. Fearful. Terrified.
He can’t send Nerissa away. I’ll die without her. She’s what keeps me alive.
I would kill for her. I would do anything for her. I am in love with her.
Can’t he see that? He sees — which is exactly why he will do it. To punish me, to remind me I’m second best.
He can’t send her away.
Over the next few days, as my father prepares to take care of Nerissa - I become convinced that he killed her mother. He took her mother’s life so that he would have a reason to send Nerissa away, to punish me for falling in love. To prove a point.
He is watching Nerissa like a hawk, so I haven’t been able to see her, or talk to her. He says that he has her under guard to make sure she doesn’t steal anything before she leaves, but it’s to keep me away. To make sure I feel the wrath of his punishment.
I haven’t had a chance to comfort her or tell her how much I love her.
I want to tell her I am going to fight for her.
I beg and plead and promise my soul to him - but my father won’t budge. He won’t change his mind. Nothing I do now can keep her here, and even if she stayed, she has his attention. Her life would be hell.
He has arranged for Nerissa to live with another family, on the other side of the city, where she can no longer ‘be a distraction for me’. At least he hasn’t left her destitute on the streets, but her brothers would have asked questions if he did.
She is leaving in two days. I wanted to see her, to spend these precious few days together, but it has been impossible.
We are all sitting around the dinner table. My entire family. My brothers, my sister Dalila, and my father. Usually, dinner is filled with talk of business, or Dalila trying to convince my father to let her start horse riding or get a new car. He usually caves and gives her whatever her heart desires. She is spoiled.
Tonight, there is a hushed silence at the table, and everyone seems to glance at me when he’s not looking.
They are waiting.
And I sit here knowing it is the wrong time and the wrong place - but I ask my father again.
“Why can’t she stay, Dad? Why can’t she live in her mother’s room? She will be eighteen in a few months, and she can take over her mother’s job.” My desperation is humiliating, but I would do anything to keep her here.
My father has reached his last ounce of patience. He stands up, slamming his fists against the table and sending dishes rattling across it. My sister’s glass of water topples over, making a mess across her plate of food.
But she doesn’t say a word. No one says a word. We all know never to speak when my father is like this, or we will become the focus of his anger. But tonight, I am desperate. I don’t care how angry he is. I’m dying inside and I will not stop until there is no hope left.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, boy?” He screams at me.
“I love her.” I scream back. “Do you have any idea what love is? Have you ever loved anything besides yourself?”
My father reaches across the table and grabs me by the collar. With his other hand, he slams his fist into my face. The metal of his signet ring brands my cheek, and his knuckles crunch against my cheekbone.
