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I shake my head, nuzzling my face harder against the pillow as tears continue to soak into the fabric.
I cry for over an hour and then pass out from exhaustion. When I wake up, just for a moment, I pretend it was a nightmare. But my swollen, burning eyes are all the proof I need. I sit up, sighing and wondering what to do with myself. I’m numb and empty. It’s as if my future has been ripped out from beneath my feet.
Well, there is no point in lying around in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. I should message Hayley and ask her to go for coffee with me.
I pick up my phone and stare at it.
I’m too embarrassed to tell her what’s happened. I feel like such a failure.
After I’ve had a cup of tea, I’ll figure out what to do.
Focusing on each small step in making the tea I lose myself in the task and for a few minutes I feel a little lighter.
I carry the tea to the chair and sit looking out of the small window to the street down below where people are going about their day as though it was the most normal Sunday in the world.
I should get out there and go for a walk or something. Staying inside here is only going to make me feel worse. But the thought of getting dressed and doing something so normal makes me cry again.
My phone chimes and I sigh. I guess I was going to face Hayley at some point.
But the message is from Tuomo.
Tuomo: Hi, little bird. Good luck for tomorrow. I’ll see you after for the celebrations?
I chew at my lip, knowing I’m playing with fire.
Me: There won’t be any celebrations. More like drowning my sorrows.
Tuomo: Why? What’s going on?
Me: They went in another direction. I don’t have a job anymore. I’m kind of heartbroken about it.
Tuomo: I’m coming to fetch you right now. We can have ice-cream on the beach, and you can forget those assholes who don’t deserve you.
I should say no. I should call Hayley instead. But somehow, I don’t care if I’m making a mistake or not.
Me: I’ll get ready.
I’ve been thinking about this guy every day since I snuck out of his room. When I see his name on my phone, it makes my heartbeat so fast, I get dizzy. And right now, I deserve a little distraction from this horrible day.
Rushing around my apartment I pull on a pair of skinny high wasted jeans and a crop top along with my colorful sneakers. Grabbing a jacket, I shove my phone into the pocket and then rush out of the door. The excitement and thrill of seeing Tuomo again has made me forget about that stupid email. It’s exactly what I needed.
As I walk out onto the street outside my apartment Tuomo pulls up. He climbs out of the car and walks around to my side to open the door. When I step close to climb inside, he grabs me and kisses me. I giggle and blush. His smile is full of mischief and his eyes are soothing to me.
He drives us through the city with the windows down and the music turned up loud. His hand is on my thigh, and it’s so normal - it feels fantastic. It’s a beautiful day and the hot summery air pushes into the car making my skin glow. I float my hand out of the window, dancing it on the breeze and letting my thoughts slip away in the wind.
Tuomo parks along the promenade. A long strip of walkway that wraps around the edge of the ocean separating the city from the water. We climb out and as soon as he is next to me, he slips his hand into mine.
We get ice cream in a waffle cone with a chocolate hidden inside. We walk along the edge of the ocean, listening to the waves and laughing about people, making up stories about what they might be talking about and who they are.
Tuomo makes me laugh with his imaginative thoughts and the characters he creates.
I’m having so much fun it scares me.
I haven’t laughed this much in ages. I haven’t felt this good around someone - ever.
“Will you let me take you on another date?” he asks as we stand leaning against the railing near the edge of the promenade. High tide waves are crashing against the wall beneath us and the spray is shooting up in a salty mist and covering my skin. I love the smell of the ocean.
He turns towards me, leaning his hip against the railing. “Little bird?” he says, forcing my attention onto him so that I have to answer his question.
