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I blushed on camera and the chat was immediately onto me, but I ignored all the questions about the text and got into my next game.
By the time the stream ended, I felt good about it.
Lauren called me immediately after I went offline. “Emma, that was fantastic! I’ll log into your laptop again to show you the stats.”
She did that, and when she opened the tab I saw a number around a third of Alex’s viewership during the challenge. “That’s a very good number, I really undershot my estimates,” Lauren started. “But if you look at the graph, the gender split is the opposite of Alex’s.”
And she was right. Seventy percent of the people who watched me were women, compared to Alex’s ninety percent male audience.
“Women are also a more valuable demographic for advertising right now, so you can see what you made from the stream here,” Lauren opened the next tab. It was a little bit less than what Alex sent me after most streams of the challenge but not by a lot.
“And lastly, a lot more of the viewers subscribed and donated to you so this is your final figure,” Lauren circled a number with thecursor of the mouse.
“Thanks Lauren. Is there anything else I need to know?” I asked.
“Nothing for right now. I’ll send the stream to the three editors we talked about and I’ll be waiting for your answer on who you want to hire from them. That’s about it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Bye!”
“Bye,” I said back and the call disconnected.
That’s when Alex burst into the room and tackled me into a hug, despite the fact I was still sitting in my chair. He kissed my forehead but then furrowed his brows.
“Why do you sit in your chair like that?” He asked.
“I just feel more comfortable like that…” I trailed off, realizing I had been sitting hunched over and with my leg in an awkward position throughout the whole stream.
“You didn’t sit like that when you played on stream with me,” he countered.
“That’s because I was embarrassed.”
“Either way, it’s not good for your back,” Alex said and held out his hand. “But I think it’s time we celebrate.”
I let him pull me out of the room into the corridor. “Not another bottle of wine, I really don’t want to drink three nights in a row,” I almost whined.
“No wine, then. And no pizza either. I got something better.”
As we walked into the kitchen I knew exactly what I was smelling. He had ordered from my favorite Korean restaurant and there were two cans of beer on the kitchen island.
As we sat down to eat dinner, I noticed Alex was being more touchy and clingy than usual. He kept finding reasons to hold my hand or rest his head on my shoulder, or to run his fingers through my hair. It was comforting, in a sense, as I alwayscraved having him near, but it was unusual for him and that is what made me unsettled.
While we were eating, he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering a moment longer than usual. I felt a shiver run down my spine from the intensity with which he was looking at me.
“What’s up with you?” I finally asked, trying to keep my tone light and teasing, though my heart was pounding faster than it had all stream.
He sighed, leaning closer until he was pressed against my side. “I think I’m a little jealous. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it.”
I blinked, taken aback. “Jealous? Of what?”
“While I was watching the stream, I thought to myself that thousands of people were watching you just like I was. And I know it’s stupid but when you talked about meeting Ryan I got a little jealous,” he admitted, his voice soft and earnest.
“You got jealous, because I talked about fangirling over meeting your best friend and that I didn’t fangirl over meeting you?” I asked to clarify.
Alex burrowed his head into my hair. “Yeah, I know it’s stupid and I don’t really care about it but I just… It’s killing me keeping it a secret that I’m with you. It’s killing me to see people trying to attack you in chat. I want to stand up for you but Lauren says it would make it worse. I’m a little lost and a lot more invested than I thought I’d be.”
I put my hand on his head, ruffling his hair. “It’s not stupid. It’s kind of sweet, actually. But you don’t have to worry. I know how much you care.”
He pulled me into a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the steady beat of his heart against my chest.
The next day I woke up to a bunch of notifications. Some of them were negative comments, others were troll posts, and two of those were death threats. My heart sank as I scrolled through them, feeling the weight of their hate pressing down on me like a physical weight. It wasn’t like there weren’t positive comments and positive posts, but the negative ones seemed louder.
