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As the day wound down, we collapsed on the couch with pizza and Alex brought out a bottle of wine from the back of the fridge.
“To celebrate you moving in,” he said, holding up his glass.
We clinked our glasses to that.
The wine gave me a light buzz and the comfort of Alex beside me turned my mind into mush. We had Ryan’s stream playing in the background. He was on a losing streak and it was quite funny to see him trying to untilt. Soon we started talking and promptly forgot that it was even on. The conversation turned sappy faster than usual.
“I can’t quite believe you’ve just now moved in. I felt like you were already here for a week or so,” Alex teased. “At least now it’s official.”
“But we won’t be telling the viewers, right?” I asked. “If we did there would be more questions and fallout when I move out.”
“Yes, of course,” he quickly replied. “I didn’t mean official as in public. I know how important it is for us to keep this private.”
A chill went down my spine. I knew that Alex wanted more and I would be lying if I said I didn’t as well. The problem was…
“And what are we now?” I didn’t know if it was the wine, or just the fact I felt safe, or because I knew Alex wouldn’t take my question as malicious.
“I can tell you what I want us to be but it is up to you on what label we put on it. Privately, of course,” he answered immediately. There was a certain note of stoicism to his words that made my heart thump harder in my chest—he was turning it back on me.
I felt bold and I felt sure in what I was about to say, despite that my voice betrayed me. “I—boyfriend and girlfriend sounds good to me. But I want us to still keep it private.”
We were already playing house. We were together physically. Exclusively. There was no reason to not put a label on it or be clear about it. Right?
“I am very happy with this new clarification on our relationship,” Alex grinned and reached for my hand and lifted it up to his lips. “And that you’re ready to take this step with me.”
“It is scary knowing you are a step ahead of me,” I mumbled. “That I seem to be holding us back.”
“No, no, no,” Alex immediately scooted over and squeezed my hand tighter. “You’re not holding anything back. You’ve been burned in the past and I am okay with waiting so you can be sure that this is what you really want.”
I nodded, but I felt my eyes sting nonetheless. He looked up from our joined hands and his concerned eyes made my soul ache as they searched my own.
“I've never felt wanted romantically before, believe it or not. Not until you burst through my door and told me how you felt,” he admitted, his voice hoarse. “And I wanted you too, quite desperately. I still can’t believe I said what I said on the cooking stream. But it's been too easy for me to see a future for us because, honestly, I adore you. I adore our dynamic. I love what we’ve got going on.”
His words hit me deeply. But as much as everything with Alex felt right, I couldn’t shake the wariness. Everything was moving so fast, and I was in too deep too fast just like in my previous relationship. I was scared I was going to get hurt again.
“Alex,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “I need time toadjust to all of this. I need to learn to stand on my own first. I want to get to know myself.
“I’ve been in survival-mode for so long, I don’t know what to do with myself now that my life isn’t one bad day from collapsing again. I need space to get to know myself again.”
“And I get that. Take as much time as you need but know that I’m here for you whenever you need me,” he leaned down to kiss my forehead.
Then, with a twinkle in his eye he pulled out a small velvet box from behind the couch cushions. “I have something for you.”
He handed it to me and I gave him a confused look before I opened it only to find a necklace with a crystal ball pendant. Inside the crystal was a small green clover.
“This is my lucky ranked clover,” he explained, his voice soft. “The one I was going to auction off if you didn’t get to Challenger. It’s brought me nothing but good luck in my games. I thought maybe it could bring you some good luck, too.”
He took out the necklace and fastened the chain around my neck. Where his fingers brushed my skin goosebumps appeared. I looked down at the pendant and couldn’t help but smile.
“You’re giving it to me?” I asked.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead, pulling me close. “Of course. I’m already beyond lucky to have you but you still need some more luck to get to where you want to be.”
Chapter 16
Alex
After a lazy Sunday breakfast,Emma and I were ready to tackle today’s challenge—building the perfect stream setup for her in the spare bedroom. This was also our date for the week.
