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I grabbed a few and handed back the bowl but instead of putting it back where it used to be, he moved it to the center of the sofa.
“If you don’t put it back, I’ll eat them all,” I threatened.
“Just don’t make yourself sick, otherwise go for it.”
And there it was again, that easy yet disarming smile that lit up his whole face. I looked away and stared at the TV again. With my peripheral vision I saw him do the same. Then I felt him move closer, the couch dipping next to me.
I froze and didn't react for a second. I braved a glance at his face. His eyes were focused on the screen, fluffy hair pushed back. His lips were parted just a bit and all I could think about was how much I wished that he would kiss me then and there. I blinked and shook off the thought. Absolutely not. I was just getting lonely and desperate again. Nothing good resulted whenever I got like this.
But I wanted to. I wanted to so badly it made me shiver, my skin covered in goosebumps.
Alex turned around to see why I had frozen in place, but instead of looking away I held his eye contact. However I couldn’t help but let my eyes flick to his lips and then back to his gaze. He looked pained. My eyes immediately dropped down to my lap, feeling heat rush to my face. I curled my hands into fists and dug my nails into my skin. I knew there was no way he would’ve wanted to?—
“I shouldn’t,” he murmured next to me. His breath tickled the skin on the back of my neck. “You have no idea how much I wantto, but it wouldn’t be fair. I can’t take advantage of our situation like that. I can’t take advantage of you like that.”
And of course he wouldn’t because this was Alex and he was shy and kind of awkward, somewhat cocky on stream but so fucking proper and nice all the time and I hated that about him in that moment.
“I’m sorry, let’s forget about this,” I said, still looking down.
“Let’s not.”
We both refused to look at each other. Alex scooted even closer, our thighs now pressed to each other. My whole body awoke at the contact but I didn’t dare take more than a shallow breath. He leaned back and sunk into the sofa. Before I could realize what I was doing I was leaning back as well. His arm wrapped around behind me and my head found a spot on his shoulder as we continued watching the movie. Only this time my heartbeat was drowning out the sound.
Eventually, I relaxed and let myself sink in fully. My body felt heavy and my thoughts were slow and lazy. I hadn’t felt such comfort in years. When the movie ended, neither of us tried to move away.
“Tell me something about yourself that no one knows yet and no one would know if you didn’t tell them,” Alex prodded.
“What kind of question is this? Don’t tell me you’re trying to do some mind trick on me,” I whined.
He just looked at me pointedly, his fingers tracing a circle on my shoulder through the blanket that was covering it.
I thought for a second. “I stopped texting my family, first because I felt like I was annoying them and now I haven't heard from any of them in six months.”
“Not even for the holidays?” He asked,
“Nope.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Answer your own question.”
“I’ll make it fair and tell you something about my family as well that no one would know or assume.” He swallowed hard. “My parents are divorced. I was an only child, now I have eight half-siblings.”
“Eight? How are they split between your mom and your dad?”
“Six from my father’s side. Two from my mother’s. But I don’t keep in contact with them. Much like you, I stopped reaching out around five years ago when my life got super busy and eventually I noticed they didn’t bother to check in on me at all. I speak on the phone with my parents occasionally to make sure they are alive and well and that’s about it.”
“You know it’s nice to know you understand, sucks that you do though. Wait, that didn’t make sense. Do you get what I mean?” I asked. I was getting sleepy and my mind was blanking.
“I do, anyway let’s get going. I have to get you home soon or you’ll have to crash on my couch,” Alex teased.
I gathered my stuff, tapped to check if my phone was in my back pocket and we were off.
“So what do you do for fun? And don’t say NLA.”Alex asked on our walk. He was really serious about this question thing. I wasn’t a fan, especially as I didn’t have much of a filter when I was sleepy.
“Well before Casey went on her year abroad we would do a hike somewhere every weekend. And then we would have a sleepover and watch a movie at her place.” I said. Then turned the question back on him. “What about you?”
“I haven’t done anything just for fun in a while. When my ‘job’ is supposed to be fun I haven’t allowed myself to do much else.”
“Isn’t it fun anymore? Playing NLA?” I asked.
