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“Promise you won’t get mad?”
She needed to know that he was going to keep his cool. There had been so many books she had read where the female or male would say something like this, and the other person would blow up. She didn’t want that.
Margery knew it was just fiction, but she felt like it could happen in real life as well. Daddy had always been understanding when they were younger, but that was eighteen years ago. Things could have changed, and she needed to make sure.
For her own sake.
“Of course, Little one. I won’t get mad, but I may ask several questions to try and understand better. But just know I am always going to be a safe place for you. You can come tome for anything. Even if it’s something you know I won’t like, I want you to know that.”
She snuggled into his side. “I’ve been struggling with staying or not. You do some bad things, and I didn’t know if I could live with myself. I was frustrated because I couldn’t make a decision. I didn’t want to make a decision. I wanted somebody else to make it for me, but I knew that wasn’t possible.”
“And what does that have to do with Uncle Dahmere and Uncle Clinton?”
She chuckled when she remembered how it all went down.
“Uncle Dahmere was trying to get me to talk to them, but I wasn’t. He said something, and I blew up. After Uncle Clinton apologized and everything was calm, they asked about it. Basically gave me the ultimatum of talking to them or telling you. I wasn’t ready to talk to you about it, not yet, but then you walked through those doors with a bloody arm, and I just knew I couldn’t leave. No matter how much worry it brought me or will bring me.”
Silence filled the room, and she took several seconds to think about everything.
“It was like they knew I needed to talk it through. Talk to somebody who wasn’t Jonesy. They didn’t sway me one way or another. They gave me the pros and cons and told me it was my decision.”
“And what did they say?
“They said there were pros and cons to everything. There are. It was a matter of whether I could live with myself and not regret my decision. I already knew that and was trying tofigure out which decision I wouldn’t regret. It was hard, but everything solidified once you walked through those doors.”
It was like everything flashed through her eyes in slow motion. In that moment, she had known she would regret it for the rest of her life if she left. Margery knew she would constantly be worried whether he was okay or not. She wouldn’t be able to live her life.
Ethan’s arms wrapped around her tighter, but he didn’t say a word. She didn’t know if he was annoyed or not. She had just admitted she thought about leaving behind his back. But he had to know it was on her mind. He couldn’t just expect her to be okay with him kidnapping her.
“And your decision?” he asked.
“If I left, I would be worried about you. I would think about all the what-ifs. What our life could have been like. If I stayed, would you make me the happiest person alive?” she started off saying. “And then I thought about what if I didn’t leave. Would I be able to live my life normally? Would I be able to forget about you and move on? And when you walked through those doors, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to leave. I would be worried about you. I wouldn’t be able to find another person to love, knowing that you were out there. I want to live my life with you, but I need you to know something.”
“And what is that, Little one?”
“I need you to know that I’m going to worry about you. You walk out those doors; I will be a mess until you come back. I will cling to you when you come back and not want to be let go. If you come home hurt, you will probably have to calm me down again. The thought of you getting hurt andpossibly dying on me doesn’t sit well. It makes me queasy just thinking about it. It makes me want to panic because if you die, I don’t want to live my life. I might ask so many questions. I know you won’t be able to tell me everything, but I’ll need to know some answers.”
Margery felt herself starting to get choked up. She didn’t like the thought of him dying or being hurt again. How was she going to take care of him? Would she be able to?
“I don’t expect you to be brave and strong all the time. On some occasions, I’ll need you to, but on others, you don’t need to. You don’t need to hide your emotions. Not around me.”
She relaxed into his arms. She had worried he was going to tell her to be tough all the time. That wasn’t Margery, and it never would be.
“I’ll try to be mindful from now on whenever we go and do things. I won’t be able to eliminate all distress, but I might be able to do some. But you have to know this is my job; I’m not going to quit. I’ll still be a bad person. I’m still going to kill people, sell drugs, make drugs, threaten and torture bad people, organize fights, and more. That’s not going to stop.”
She knew that, and she was going to have to come to terms with it. Was it her favorite thing? No. But she did love him and knew he was not the worst in the world. Daddy didn’t kill innocent people, so that part helped.
“I was going to tell you that if you wanted to leave, I wasn’t going to hold you back.”
“I don’t want to leave, not anymore. I know you’re going to take good care of me, and you still do some good in the world even if other people don’t think it.”
They lay in silence for several minutes. Margery was ecstatic they were finally getting the happily ever after they deserved.
“Tell me what you were thinking about when I said your bottom would be spanked if you didn’t verbally respond,” Daddy prompted.
“I don’t feel Little all the time. I have Little tendencies, but I love being independent and taken care of. I don’t know if that makes any sense. But when I do feel Little, sometimes I don’t want to talk. I need you to know that so I don’t get into trouble.”
He was going to have to respect that. She wasn’t asking for permission.
