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Me:I’ll be there late.
He answers with one word.
Emmett:Okay.
I walk out of the house and head toward the path that isn’t worn out anymore. There is even some grass growing where it was just dirt. I walk into the black cast-iron fence area, heading straight to her. “Hey.” I look down at her tombstone. “I guess you’ve been wondering where I’ve been.” I smile as the tears escape my eyes. “Or maybe you haven’t.” I stare at her name engraved in the marble. “I’m in love with her.” I expect the tightness in my chest to be so strong that it doesn’t let me breathe, but it’s not there. “I don’t know when it happened, but it did.” I wait for the guilt to come, but again, it’s not there. “I don’t even know if she feels the same way about me, but I’m going to say it tonight.” I decide. “I don’t even care if she loves me or not. I’ll take her any way I can have her. She’s the hardest-working person I know. She’s kind. She’s thoughtful. She’s funny.” I smile. “I don’t have to tell you all this. You know how she is.” I wipe the tears away from my face. “I want you to know that I will always love you.” I take a deep inhale and exhale. “You’ll always own a piece of my heart. But I’ve learned that just because I love you doesn’t mean I can’t love her. Because, fuck, I do. God, I love her so much.” My heart feels like it’s going to explode. “I fucking love her, and I’m not going to be sorry about that. I’m going to wake up every day thankful that I have her. Thankful I can look at myself in the mirror again. Thankful I don’t have to hide how I felt about you to her. She knows, but it’s time for her to have all of me. She probably won’t take all of me, that’s the kind of person she is. She’ll leave a part of me for you.” I touch the headstone. “I’ll see you soon.” I turn and head back to my house, knowing it’s time to finally have that talk and knowing I’m free to have it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Autumn
The phone rings beside me, and I look over from all the papers on the desk and see it’s Mildred FaceTiming me. I slide my finger across the green button and wait for the circle spinning in the center with her picture, telling me it’s connecting. She comes into view, and I can’t help but smile big and also get a little sad at not seeing her every day. “Well, well,” she says, her hair piled on top of her head, and I see she is sitting in the office. The creak of the old wooden chair squeals out when she leans forward. “Look at who it is.” I’ve been home about three months, and in all that time, I’ve called her twice, I think, maybe three times. I’ve been horrible at communicating with her and know I need to do better.
“I know.” I put the phone in front of me. “I’m the worst. I should have called,” I admit.
“Forget that.” She waves her hand to the side. “How are you doing?”
“I’m holding on by a string,” I admit and proceed to fill her in with everything that has been going on. “Which now leaves me with zero money in the bank and betting everything on the house.”
“You’ll never have zero in the bank,” she assures me, “you know that. You should know after all this time that you are worth a million.” I roll my eyes at her.
“Sometimes it helps having that million in the bank.” We both laugh.
“You look different.” She takes in my face. “Definitely look like you gained weight, thank God.” I shake my head.
“I eat donuts for breakfast every single day.” I joke back with her.
“It’s not just that.” She stares at me. “Your eyes don’t look haunted like they used to.” I don’t know what to say to that. “You have a lightness about you that I’ve never seen before.”
“Maybe it’s the ghost from the past that has left my body.” I shrug. “Maybe it’s the lighting in the office.” I look up and see the lights above me.
“It’s none of that. So am I getting an invite to this big party?” I stare at her, my eyes big. “If you don’t invite me, I can always call your father and take him up on that offer to go out with him.” I blow up my cheeks, fake vomiting to the side. “Not like that.” She laughs. “Besides, who gives it out on the first date? Send me the details, and I’ll see if I can get someone to cover for me.”
“Mildred,” I say her name, “I think I’m going to have to give up the apartment. It’s silly to just have it sitting there when you could be getting rent for it.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know when I’m going to be coming back.”
“You aren’t coming back.” She says the words I haven’t said to her because I was too afraid to admit I didn’t have her as my safety net. “I’ll have your stuff boxed for you and bring it when I come down.”
“Mildred.” I choke on my sob, knowing I really won’t be going back. “What if things don’t work out here?”
She laughs. “Silly girl. It’s already working out.” There is a knock on her door. “Now, I have to go but I want you to text me, yeah?” she urges, and I nod as the tears roll down my cheeks. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“Thank you,” I croak out as she looks away from the screen as I see her blinking rapidly. “I’ll see you soon.”
“You betcha.” I can see the tears in her eyes as she smiles. “See you soon.” She blows me a kiss before she disconnects the phone. I put the phone down and close my eyes, counting to ten.
I open my email and send her the information for the night. I make sure there is no price anywhere and then check to see that Bryan has emailed me and told me he’s gotten an order for forty cases, and I swear to God I about cry at that. He also has brought down his terms to twenty percent this time.
I get up from my desk, noticing it’s a bit past five o’clock, so Brady will most likely be in the front. I walk out and see it’s jam-packed. “Shit,” I swear, walking behind the bar. “Why didn’t you come and get me?” I ask as I look at the orders on the bar and start filling them. It takes twenty minutes to get through all the orders, and I look around to see more locals than strangers this time.
The bell rings in the back, and I serve the plates, only stopping when it’s almost ten o’clock. We’ve been nonstop since five. I’ve only had time to take one sip of water. “You can go,” I tell Brady. “I’ll close up. You got last night.”
“Where is your partner?” Brady asks, and I look at him. “He hasn’t come in.”
I know he’s talking about Charlie. He’s a topic like the elephant in the middle of the room. Neither of us talking about the fact that he’s been a constant in the bar for the past two weeks. Or the fact he’s caught me making out with him more times than I care to admit even though we were away from prying eyes. I know he’s worried about the whole thing, but I also know he’s not getting on my ass about it. I mean, I don’t even want to think about what the fuck we are doing. “Guess not.” I ignore the fact I’m worried about him, but I also know that it’s not my place to worry about him. We are fuck buddies, or at least that is what I tell myself we are.
“You sure you’ll be fine?” he asks, and I glare at him. “Fine.” He holds up his hand. “I’ll come in early.”
“Okay,” I agree, knowing full well that I’ll also be in. “Have a good night,” I say as he walks out toward the back. I serve the tables I have left and finally close up shop at close to eleven. By the time I clean up and walk out to my car, it’s a little past midnight. I drive home, ignoring the way my chest tightens when I think about Charlie. The scenarios run through my head the whole time. Him at home sleeping. Him on a date. Him being anywhere but here and me wanting to know if he’s okay.
