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Top Dog
So? There are all kinds of weirdos on the internet. Get off the fucking internet, Alderchuck.
Me
Are you serious right now?
Top Dog
I’m seriously considering blocking you.
Me
Go right ahead. Know what? Lose my number, asshole.
I’m so sick of his bullshit. Good riddance.
Top Dog
Know what? Think I will.
What the fuck? He’s not supposed to take me seriously, but now I have to save face.
Me
Consider us done. Over-chewed bubblegum. Go play in traffic, Sutter.
I don’t hear from him after that, but I do hear from Daddy Milton. Fuck.
Knowing I’m gonna get reamed out, I answer the video call.
“Do you know why this happened?” he says, showing me the latest Sutterchuck meme. He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “You two can’t stay away from each other on the ice. You practically fuck on the ice.”
“We try to kill each other on the ice.” That’s the absolute truth. There’s nothing I want more than to see him rotting in the penalty box. That’s doubly true now.
“People love that shit. Love to turn it into more than it is. And it is less than they think it is, right, Alderchuck?”
“Yeah. Yes! Way less.” I can say that with honesty. Jack sent me some fan-made videos of the “Sutterchuck” wedding. We will never,everbe doing that. Especially now that I’m done with him. “If it’s any consolation, they seem to be in favor of the, er, union.”
Milton shakes his head. “And what happens when you piss off Team Sutter? What happens when he pisses off Team Alderchuck?”
“Um, anarchy, I guess?”
“Correct.”
“Look, what do you want me to do? Not killing Sutter on the ice isn’t an option.” It’s the only thing that maintains my sanity while having to put up with his asshole ass. In an odd way, I count on him to retaliate when I lay down gauntlets.
“It’s too late for that now. You two have a frenzy going.”
“Not like we meant to. We were like this all the time when we played in the AHL. No one gave a shit.”
“You’re big time now. People care.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “The owners aren’t gonna like this. We have to fix it fast. If this ends in riots, Alderchuck, expect a trade at best, sent back to the minors at worst.”
“Would they really do that? Seems extreme.” There have been far worse scandals in the hockey world.
“Is four million dollars in damages to the city extreme? Because that’s exactly what happened last time. What about the five million dollars the City of Vancouver had to spend in staffing costs prosecuting the rioters? One hundred and fifty Vancouverites were treated in hospital that fatal riot night. Is that extreme enough for you?”
Fatal is such a stretch. Nobody died.
