AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Miles?” I whisper.
“Miles?” A voice echoes mine from outside.
“It’s Justin.” His wide eyes lock onto mine.
Oh, fuck.
I thought we’d have more time. I thought we had alotmore time before we had to facehim.
“What do you want to do?” he asks in a loud whisper.
I could kiss him for making it my choice.
Except I don’tknowwhat I want to do. I just know that every possible alarm is going off in my head, and I think it’s too much right now. There’s got to be a better time for this, a time when I’m better prepared.
At least I hope.
“Miles,” I hear Justin’s voice yell from the other side of the door again. It’s familiar, but I also notice how much it’s changed over the years. “You’re lucky I gave that key back. My girl has to pee!”
I jerk my head towards the bedroom and hope the look on my face says what it needs to. That I’m sorry I can’t do this right now. He says nothing else when I walk away, and I can't read his expression.
I lean against his bedroom closet, sliding my back down until I hit the carpeted floor.
I’m not happy with myself. I feel so guilty. This step isn’t negotiable, but I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to face this.
This time with him has been blissful, it's been easy to ignore what the future holds. What if I’m just setting myself up to be hurt even worse down the road? What if I realize that I don’t have the courage to face his family, despite the feelings that have me clinging to him and needing more? Or maybe I’ll find that courage one day, but they’ll never get over it. I can’t picture them ever being okay with me in his life. The way that would hurthimis something I don’t think I can even entertain the thought of.
“Jaz, no!” a woman yells. I assume it must be Isabelle. The thought of her still dredges up memories I’d rather forget. “Letgo.” A pause. “No, put it down. You have to pee, remember? Let’s put it down and go use the bathroom.”
I close my eyes and try to tune out their chaos.
It doesn’t work.
She’s apologizing to Miles for bringing her children into the house. He’s reassuring her that it’s always good to see them. After what’s definitely more than a couple minutes, Justin asks him about some things they left behind the other day when they were over.
“Yeah, I have them in my room,” Miles pauses, seeming to catch himself. “I think. It’s kind of a mess. Wait here.”
When he pushes the door open the rest of the way, his eyes immediately find me.
“I’m sorry,” he mouths.
I should be the one apologizing.
He grabs what looks like a diaper bag that’s sitting right by his door, and closes it behind him when he walks out. I appreciate how it muffles the voices.
Eventually they fade out. I’ve probably been sitting on the floor for twenty minutes when Miles barges into the room.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t think they’d stick around that long, especially not with Isabelle and—”
“It’s not your fault.”
He takes a step towards me, lifting his arm out like he’s going to help me up, but I abruptly stand on my own and step to the side.
I had a chance to take a weight off of his shoulders. I had a chance to keep him from having to hide this from his brother, and I didn’t take it. It terrified me.
It’s not fair.
“I think maybe I should go home.”
