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“She chose to run off.”
My fists clench, but I keep walking forward. I have to find hernow,and make sure she’s safe. I’m sure she’s not okay, and I’ll try to fix that too, but knowing she’s safe is a good start.
My mother pleads behind me a couple more times before giving up. Probably because if she stays out here too long, a guest will come looking for her and find out that she isn’t as perfect as she wants them to think.
Autumn
I didn’t make it far before texting my girls and asking if anyone could pick me up. Vic came through like the angel she is, meeting me at that stupid park I’d wasted time daydreaming about. She had an extra coat in hand, and she didn’t pry when I got into the car and exploded into tears.
I suppose I could text Amelia and let her know I’m quitting before she gets a chance to hurt me any worse than she has.
The pain is persistent, as if there’s a physical wound where her words hit me. I knew she wasn’t ever going to approve of Miles and I… but that wasn’t the worst of what I’d heard from her. One would think I’d done something horribly wrong to her in the past, instead of just being the girl who had her heart broken by her youngest son. I don’t know how she could excuse saying all those things about me. I can’t imagine having a child and still siding with them if they hurt someone the way I was hurt by him. I’d buy the poor girl some flowers, apologize on his behalf.
Being around Miles has made it so easy for me to forget why we set our rules in the first place. I’ve been blinded by the way hemakes me feel, his actions, his words,him. I’ve never loved being around anyone more, or craved anyone the way I crave him.
Is it enough to subject myself to Amelia’s wrath? Or Justin’s? It’s funny how this has felt like it’s so much about him, and yet he’s so far out of the loop. I don’t think itisabout him anymore.
I wish I knew what it really was.
I pull my phone out, hardly able to see through the tears that are falling, and pull up Amelia’s contact. My lack of vision makes the decision for me, and I simply hit the block button.
Enough is enough.
In my emotional state, I don’t have the ability to think better of it when I pull up Miles' name and do the same. I should have tried harder to put space between us before. Before things got this hard. Deep down I knew there was never any hope for this to go another way, not since that conversation with Amelia at my desk. I’ve been so naive. I gave in. I fell for him.
Vic asks if she can stay and keep me company. I don’t blame her for being worried, but I tell her I just want to be alone. I mean it.
Elaine and I curl up in my bed together, and she’s the perfect companion while I crash, and break, and let the walls finally close in.
28
Miles
“I love you more than anything, Miles. You and your brother. I know it seems like I’ve been harsh, but please know I want you to be happy. I want all the best things in life for you. It would destroy me to see you give yourself to another—”I end the voicemail, I can’t do it. If she’s not going to spell out her reasons, I don’t want to hear what she has to say.
“What’s going on with you?” Justin asks. He watched me aggressively put my phone down, and I know I’m being less talkative than usual. There’s no way I’m hiding my mood from him.
I shrug.
“You’re acting weird, man. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Kara was giving you hell again.”
It irritates me that everyone’s first assumption is that Kara is still my problem. This feels so much worse than anything she put me through.
“No, we haven’t talked in months,” I tell him as I throw myself down next to him on the couch.
Part of the problem is that I haven’t felt like I could just talk to Justin about it, or ask him any questions. Maybe, considering she won’t answer my calls, I don’t care what the consequences might be. It won’t be worse than this.
“What was the deal with Autumn?”
He slowly turns to face me and blinks a couple times. “That’s fucking random. What do you want to know about that for?”
I feign disinterest by gluing my gaze to the television.
“Just curious. Mom seems to really not like her, but she went and hired her at the office.”
His posture becomes rigid.
“Are you serious? Why would she do that?”
