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“Go if you want to,” I tell her. She hesitates, her eyes apologetic. Pasting an encouraging smile on my face I add, “I understand why you need to go and I’m not angry with you for it. I’ll see you soon.” I don’t phrase it as a question because it’s not. We will both come back here, sooner rather than later.
She nods and mouths a silent thank you. After taking two steps toward the hatch, she returns for the bowl containing the last of the polvoren. “Oh, no!” I exclaim theatrically, laughing at thelittle thief as she scrambles to the hatch carrying the bowl. “Not my polvoren. I’ve been robbed! Some scoundrel’s taken my food and now I’m left here, all alone and starving. Whatever shall I do?”
Her laughter is the last thing I hear before she closes the hatch behind herself and disappears into the maintenance walkways.
A sigh escapes me. I hate seeing her go. The mysterious thrumming she awakened in me grows quieter and is replaced by sadness. A wave of longing washes over me now that she’s gone, making me want to go after her and never leave her sight. Since it’s not something I can do, I pick myself up off the floor, groaning as my back straightens. The pain in my elbow has returned with a vengeance, further convincing me that Z’Ree had somehow been keeping it at bay.
Now, if only my cock would go down, so I can go back to my room without sporting a tent inside my pants.
My eyes land on the discarded datapad. Picking it up, my jaw drops open as I stare at the last message Z’Ree wrote before she left.“I think you are devilishly handsome, too.”
Chapter 12
Z’Ree
Like the coward Iam, I run. Not because I’m afraid of Nikolai, I think I’m well past that point now, but because I’m terrified I might do something stupid if I stay in that room with him. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. When Nikolai touched me, my hormones went into overdrive. Now, they’re trying to convince me to kiss him...and more.
After everything that’s happened to me, the only thing I know for sure is that I’m broken, inside and out.
Here I am. A stowaway caught hiding on this ship after escaping a life of slavery and abuse. I should be focused ongetting stronger, regaining my sense of self worth and a mental aptitude that will help me escape my new captors and live a life of freedom somewhere new.
This is what I tell myself Ishouldbe doing. But what does my body actually want to do? It wants to fuck Nikolai. I think I might be a little more broken than I thought.
I’m not saying he isn’t attractive. He definitely is. I’m tempted to smack myself as I remember the stupid message I’d typed into his datapad. I do think he’s handsome but good geodes, did I have to tell him that?! Now he’s going to think I’m crazy. Well, crazier than he already thinks I am after seeing me completely freak out.
He’s been nothing but nice to me. Nicer than I deserve really and now my body is mistaking that niceness with something more. It’s ridiculous.
I’m the weird, mentally unstable person who stalks the underbelly of his ship covered in filth. How could he ever see me as desirable? With his looks, I bet he has dozens of females clinging to his every word wherever he goes. And no, I’m not jealous of them. Really, I’m not.
Groaning, I rub my forehead. The headache from the node update is long gone, but something else has replaced it. An unfamiliar low humming, as if my crystals have decided to sing on their own, at a frequency I don’t recognize. Perhaps I really have lost my mind.
I should be focusing on the future. If what Nikolai keeps telling me is true, then I’ll be free. That’s a nice word, but what does it mean for me? Even if they’re nice enough to drop me off at the nearest station, how long will it take before someone comes after me again? The UGC would offer help if I approach them but I still vividly remember how well that worked out for my parents.
I have nowhere to go. No money and very few ways to earn it. No friends or allies to turn to.
Nikolai said he would be there for me but was that the truth or just a figure of speech? Besides, even if he was willing to help me, what could he do? There’s no way out for me, no happily ever after in sight. I’m beyond help. Perhaps I should have just died with the rest of my family and ended the suffering of the Silithrae once and for all.
I swipe at the tears gathering in my eyes and giggle a little crazily when they clatter against the wall. Everything about me gives me away. I’ll never be able to blend in. No amount of fake identities, disguises, or plastic surgeries can hide what I am.
The only way I can find any semblance of peace seems to be to find a good, kind master and live under his protection. Too bad kind masters happen to be in short supply.
For the first time, I regret that Nikolai isn’t a slaver. If he was, then perhaps he could keep me. I’d be his perfect slave.
I don’t want freedom. I want safety, stability. I want to wake up everyday knowing that no one’s going to hunt me down or beat me unconscious. That nobody’s going to toss me into a water tank and leave me there for hours. Dear geodes down below, is that too much to ask for?
I finally make my way back to my hiding spot, mainly because I’m not sure where else to go. I’m not planning on staying here much longer, though.
Based on what the ship’s AI told Nikolai, there was a loss of pressure in this area, which means that either there’s a structural integrity problem with the ship, or the life support system is failing. Neither is good and both could cause this entire section of the ship to be sealed off to protect the inhabited part. If that happens, I don’t want to be stuck down here. I might not have much to live for, but that doesn’t mean I want to die.
I’m not scared of the crew anymore. Actually, scratch that. I’m still terrified but I’m not paralyzed by fear anymore.
They’re not slavers or mercenaries. I’ve been watching them through the ventilation grates, listening to their conversations and I’ve discovered they’re just…people. They argue, especially when the short-haired Zyderi female or the ever-grumpy Krestilian male are involved, but they also laugh and seem to respect each other.
I spotted three humans on board, including Nikolai, and none of them are wearing collars. None of them are acting like slaves, either.
I watched the fair-skinned human female with red hair teasing a rather muscular Syndoran in front of the others for a long while before he eventually tossed her over his shoulder and carried her off. The female kept laughing the whole time, not even a little bit scared of the consequences.
The dark-skinned female with black hair seems a little more austere than the redhead. I saw her arguing with a red-skinned hybrid. She was blaming him for something I didn’t quite catch, something about someone having a sugar rush? In any case, she yelled at the huge hybrid and instead of backhanding her, he apologized before gently kissing her.
