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The doctor leaves a long, cool pause before he says, “There’s no way to know until she’s conscious and we can examine her properly.”
I don’t trust any of these people. I need to know who they’re talking about. I want to ask. Maybe I should raise my hand.
Big. Booming. Rich and totally alpha male, the Emperor tells him, “You can do scans. Run tests.”
On the other side, the doctor says, “Of course. But when it’s the brain, there’s no substitute for talking to the patient.” He leaves a beat and goes on, “We need her to be conscious for that.” Like he’s explaining it to schoolchildren.
My body is shocked at the sound of a younger man. A low drawl, he speaks up from next to the doctor.
He says, “Don’t worry about the cost.” His voice is easy and confident. Intellectual, but with a live, crackling buzz of dark mischief. It stirs thoughts of illicit, forbidden pleasures. “Whatever it takes.” A devilish genius. A young, evil mastermind.
Whoever he is, I have an urge to get up and wrap myself tight around him and cling to him. Do I just feel that way about all men? No. Not the doctor.
After a moment, the doctor tells him, “Of course there are a thousand scans and tests I can run. I would be happy to take your money but, trust me, there’s nothing to be learned. Nothing we can rely on.”
It’s evident that all three men really care about her. I wish I knew her. I wish I could do something. Whoever it is they’re talking about, that girl is in trouble,.
The younger voice says, “We should know everything.” A demanding man of logic and science. His voice stiffens, like he’s bracing himself. Reason is helpless, faced with a tidal wave of fact. “Don’t hold anything back.”
And inside I’m screaming,NO! Hold back the bad news! Not yet! Only give us the hopeful, positive options and outcomes. I don’t want to hear the worst!
The Warrior says, “There’s got to be something.”
The doctor switches to a professional, reassuring tone. A smooth change, an expert gear-shift. “When she comes back to consciousness, there will be plenty for us to do.”
A bedside manner, low in the register. The subtext is,We’re doing all we can. When I hear that, I tense. I know that means there is bad news and I don’t want to hear the bad news.
“Until then,” he says, “it’s best to keep her steady and comfortable and wait.”
The Emperor says. “Do the tests.”
As the doctor leans forward to speak, a shocking idea starts to seep around the edges of my mind.
Is it me? I can be so dumb sometimes. Are they talking about me?
Patiently, the doctor explains, “We can’t do them here. Moving her around, carting her on a gurney in elevators and in ambulances, shoving her through all the big machines — that can all be distressing, even for someone who is perfectly well. And it’s really not going to tell us anything we can act on. There’s no way we can tell what shape she’s in while she’s locked away in there. Believe me, I know that the uncertainty is hard, but it’s best for the patient if we keep her quiet and resting.”
Not ME. It can’t be me.
The Warrior says, “But she is going to be okay. Right? Doc?”
“There’s likely to be some effects from shock. Prepare yourselves for PTSD. She will very likely be disoriented. Until she wakes up, though, it’s impossible to say how deep or severe, or long-lasting the effects will be. She may just wake up bleary, like she slept in too long. At this stage, we just hope for the best. And prepare yourselves. the road to recovery may be long. There really is nothing better we can do for her now, other than to keep her as safe and as well as we can. You’re all doing the right thing.”
In the quiet, he adds, “If prayer is a part of your life, then now is the time to pray.”
The Mastermind asks, “And if it’s not?”
“Honestly? Then now would be a good time to consider taking it up.”
The Warrior says, “It’s serious.”
“It’s very serious.” The doctor’s tone is level and even. He’s saying things he’s said a hundred times about a hundred people. “This is possibly the most critical time.”
A reflex kicks in and before I can stop myself, I shout, wild.Where are those hundred people now? What happened to them?I know my body does not make the slightest movement or sound.
The Mastermind, the youngest of the voices says, “Did she move? Did anyone else see that?”
“Maybe just a nerve spasm or a reflex.” The doctor has on his soothing voice of understanding. “You have to be patient. Nature takes her own sweet time.”
