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Busy’s eyes are filled with tears, and as I finish talking, they finally break free, tracking down her face and dripping onto her still damp shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” she tells me.
“You don’t have to be sorry. But hopefully now you understand why something happening between us is just…a mistake. A horrible option for anyone, but especially for you and Junie.” I shake my head. “You deserve better than a man who is just going to be a burden.”
She swipes at her face, clearing away the streaks left behind. “Well Idon’tunderstand,” she finally says, her tone shifting, that sadness from before beginning to fade.
I blink, surprised by the firmness in her voice as she pushes off the couch and begins to pace my living room.
“Let me just parrot back the information you’ve given me. See if I have everything right, okay?”
Before I can even say anything, she launches in.
“So you were married to someone who left you because there is something wrong withher. She signed up for a marriage that was until death do us part, for better or worse, and then she bailed when life became more complicated than just sex and giggles with her incredible husband.”
My eyes widen at her description. “No, that is not—”
“And because of that failing onherpart,” she continues, cutting me off, “you’ve decided the best way to move on with your life is to sit in a hole by yourself and be lonely and alone and just…completely alone.”
I sigh, realizing my very detailed story didnot, in fact, convince her that I made the best decision for me.
“You’re being a little dramatic, Busy.”
“I’mnotbeing dramatic,” she insists, quitting her pacing and looking at me dead on. “I’m fucking pissed that you’re not even going to give us a chance because you think I’m going to abandon you the way she did.”
Shaking my head, I clench my fists, trying to keep my cool.
“I could never do that, Reid. Ever. I don’t care what horrible thing is in your future. I don’t care if I have to wipe your mouth or help you to the toilet someday. Those are the things you do for someone you love.”
My throat gets tight, tears prickling my eyes.
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper, feeling frustrated and angry and wishing she would just leave me in that hole all alone. “Why are you pushing this?”
“Whywouldn’tI?” she demands.
“Because it doesn’t concern you!” I shout.
“Of course it does!” she shouts back. “How can I stand by and watch the man I love hide away because he’s afraid?”
I scoff. “I’m not afraid, Busy. I know my fate and I’ve come to terms with it. This is not about fear. I don’t want to be aburden—can’t you see that?”
Busy shakes her head. “Of course it’s about fear. I get that you don’t want to be a burden, nobody wants that.Idon’t want to be a burden either, and I feel like that’s all I am to the people in my life, someone who needs help and support and an extra handconstantly.”
It’s not even close to being the same.
“But this isn’t about burdening someone with future complications,” she continues, her voice still firm but losing some of the edge. “This is about you being terrified that you’re going to be abandoned again when shit gets hard.”
Gritting my teeth, I spin around and stare out the window, at the rain that is still falling steadily but is no longer battering the house.
“There are a lot of scary things in this world, Reid, but I feel like living a life completely alone, without love, is the worst of them all.”
“You wouldn’t love me if you really knew what’s coming,” I say, my voice flat and devoid of the emotion roiling in my soul.
Busy sighs, and when I turn to look at her, the sight of her tears again sends nausea coursing through my stomach.
“I would love you until I took my last breath,” she tells me. “And when it was gone, I would fight tooth and nail for just one more.”
I turn back to the window again, but I can still see Busy in the reflection: her arms wrapped around herself, watching me just as intently as I watch her.
