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prologue
Busy
I stare at the two blue lines on the white strip resting on the counter in the bathroom, shock rippling through my body.
It never occurred to me that I might get pregnant. It feels naïve not to have even considered it…I mean, I’m a sexually active woman. Ofcoursepregnancy is a possibility.
But I feel like I’m safe. I use protection. I always make theguyuse protection, too, so I can’t help the part of me that still wonders how this happened. Did the condom break? Did I miss a pill and not realize it? Or is the universe just so cruel that it felt the need toonce againprove to everyone I know what a screwup I am?
Ever since I was a kid, my mom has called me her little troublemaker. Breaking rules and being mischievous was just part of my personality. When you’re the youngest of five, sometimes you can get lost in the mix of things, and I often used that to my advantage.
As I got older, though, the teasing way she said it slowly fell away…less endearment and more concern. Like she was worried my rebellious nature might come around to bite me in the ass at some point.
Clearly she was right.
Licking my lips, I lean forward on the counter and stare at myself in the mirror then turn to the side, trying to examine my body to see if I can spot any small differences, any indication that there’s alifegrowing inside me. If I’m doing the math correctly, it’s possible I’m already two or three months along.
My mind flits back over the supposed stomach flus I’ve had, the missed period that didn’t feel abnormal for my already irregular schedule, and it’s easy to see how I didn’t suspect anything earlier. I lift my shirt and examine my stomach more closely then tentatively run a hand over the soft skin just below my belly button. I’m surprised by the way my heart twists, a soft thump in my chest sending shivers through my body.
But underneath that unexpected jolt of joy…there’s fear, too. I’ve never been the type to have particularly grand plans for my life. Becoming a mother at twenty, though…that was definitelynoton my bingo card.
I roll the title around in my head.
I’m gonna be a mom.
The word feels foreign, as if I’ve never heard it before, never mulled it over. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure I ever pictured myself being a mother at all, let alone before I finish college, before I even get to live a life. I’ve only been out of my parents’ house for two years. I feel like I’ve barely lived at all. And now I’m going to be responsible for a whole other human being?
My stomach rolls at the thought and I dart to the toilet, dropping to my knees and emptying the contents of my sparse breakfast into the bowl. Once I’ve finished, I wipe my face, flush, and lean back against the wall, my arms on my knees, my head back as I stare at the ceiling.
I’m going to have to tell Jay, and the worst part is I have absolutely no idea how he’s going to react because I don’t actually know him that well. We’ve been hooking up for afew months, but it’s nothing serious. Sure, there were some butterflies in the beginning, but that’s just attraction, and I’m smart enough to know attraction doesn’t equate to anything permanent.
Besides, Jay seems like the kind of guy who is just interested in a good time. I mean, that’s whatIwas interested in, right? Just some carefree fun like the college kid I am? Who knows how he’ll feel. Will he want to be a dad? How will he handle the news? Will he even believe me when I tell him it’s his?
I push myself up off the floor and return to the sink, taking a few minutes to clean up. Then I look in the mirror again, my eyes focused on my belly, the uncertainty in my chest growing with each passing second.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what Jay thinks, or even whether or not he wants to be involved. In the blink of an eye, my entire world has been flipped on its head. As terrified as I feel right now, though, I know without a doubt what my priorities are—what they need to be.
First and foremost, this little life slowly growing within me.
Everything else comes second.
I’m going to be a mom.
This time, when I think the words, the joy outweighs the fear. And when my eyes find themselves in the reflection again, I smile.
chapter one
Busy
The gravel pops underneath my tires, the unpaved road narrowing slightly as I drive toward the familiar green cabin at the end. It’s too dark to see at this late hour, but I know the lake stretches out behind it, and I lament the fact that our drive took so much longer than I anticipated. It would have been nice to spend our first evening here sitting on the dock, watching the sunset. Junie loves sunset.
But I push that thought aside. There are going to be many, many sunsets for us to watch now that I’m back in Cedar Point, and I can’t waste too much time worrying about a single missed one. Not when there are so manyotherthings to worry about.
I slow to a stop and put my car in park on the parking pad just outside the cabin then turn it off, plunging myself into darkness, only the faintest hint of moonlight cutting a swath through the large cedar and pine trees scattered around the property. I’ve been here before, but it looks different somehow. Maybe it’s the shadows of the trees, or because I’m just so damn tired. Truthfully, it’s probably because the handful of visits I made when my sister used to live here were just that…visits.
Now, this cabin is my new home.
Ournew home. Just the two of us…Junie and me.
