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I got down on my knees in front of her, my hands on the couch cushions to the sides of her legs.
She looked away.
“Alexa, I was only trying to help. Let me fix this, please. Tell me what I can do to make it right.”
“You thought you could keep this quiet and I’d never find out, at least not until after you were done with me. Did it even occur to you to tell me yourself and try to explain?”
“I never told anyone about this. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how not yet. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
“You told your creepy buddy Martin,” she shot back.
“I was drunk. I was looking for advice.” I unclenched my teeth. “He’s not my fucking buddy. He’s a worm, an asshole. He and his father want to ruin my dad and take away the company he spent his life building. He needs me off the board, and threatened to tell you if I didn’t agree to leave the board.”
“Then why didn't you tell me yourself? Come clean and hope to work it out?” she sobbed. “Why did I have to find out from him of all people?”
“I have leverage. I thought he was bluffing.”
She gasped. “My life is not a fucking game. I won’t be a pawn in your fucking corporate chess game, pissing contest, poker game, or whatever. That’s the problem. You see me as just another piece to maneuver in some contest.”
“Alexa that’s not it at all. I didn’t know how to tell you yet.”
“Well, problem fucking solved McAllister. He took care of that for you. I’m done being used. So, lay it out. What else haven’t you told me.”
There was no putting this off for another day. “Yes. I’m the reason your mother died in that accident.”
Her mouth opened and then closed. “Go on.”
“I found that silver book of yours.”
“My goal journal?”
“You left it at your old house next to ours. I called and reached your mother. She wanted me to bring it into the city and I said I couldn’t for at least a week. She wanted it right away and said she’d drive down to pick it up. I was the reason she was on the road in that storm. If I’d driven it in…” The sentence finished itself.
She sat there glumly. “And you tell me this now because your hand is forced.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. Your mother wanted the book so she could make sure all your dreams came true. After the accident, I decided to take on that responsibility.”
“I’m done being manipulated and used.” She stood.
I got up with her. “Please Alexa. Tell me how to fix this. I fucking love you.” I saw the shock in her eyes.
“You do not fucking get to say that now.”
“But I do. I love you. Please, don’t let this pull us apart. We belong together.”
“That word is not something you whip out when you get in trouble.”
“I didn’t know how to say it earlier. I was afraid I’d scare you off.”
“What makes you think that would have scared me?” She asked. “What do you think? I've been here with you on this side of town a long train ride from my work, my family, from everybody who means anything to me. Don’t you get that? I loved you too.”
“Then we can make this work,” I said, reaching for her hand. “We have to.”
She pulled away. “I told you I’m done being used and played.
That very first night, you promised me two things. Partners, and honesty. And you couldn't come through on either of those.”
She picked up her backpack and suitcase. “I’m leaving, and I don’t want you to follow me, I don’t want you to call me. We’re done.”
