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While he fetched the glasses, I sat on the comfortable couch and surveyed the scene: people walking just below us on the Ocean Front Walk, couples on the sand, a guard tower that looked straight out ofBaywatchto the right toward the Muscle Beach outdoor gym, and the fishing pier off to my left.
He’d said we had to make choices in life, and he was absolutely right. I had to choose the woman I would be—the cocksure one of a few weeks ago that knew in her bones how evil he was, or the woman he challenged me to be, the one who would demand evidence to evaluate before pronouncing judgment on him. Life had been simpler before his challenge, and I didn’t know if I could do it, even if I wanted to. Mom had been so sure. For years, I’d believed my duty was to be the avenging angel.
He appeared from behind and handed me a glass of ice water. “Deep in thought, I see. Anything I can help with?”
“No, just enjoying the view.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Stop asking silly questions for once. Just close your eyes.”
I relented and did as he asked.
“What do you hear?”
Kids had been bicycling by a second ago. “Kids.”
“And?”
The muffled voices of people walking by caught my attention. “People talking.”
“Behind that.”
The noise of the teenagers slowly receded. I smiled as I realized the answer. “The waves.”
“Very good. Now focus on that and relax.”
I lay back and focused to bring the ocean sounds forward out of the background. The soothing, rhythmic sound became easier to pick out as I stayed still.
“Now synchronize your breathing with the waves.”
I had trouble with that because the waves were slower than I wanted to take breaths. “I can’t. It’s too slow.”
“Take deeper breaths. You can do it.”
I opened my eyes to confront him, but his were closed. I sat back again. “If it’s so easy, you do it.”
“I do it every time I come out here. I think you’re scared to try, scared to learn.”
I wasn’t scared of anything. “Shut up. Give me a minute.” I took in a deep breath and concentrated on listening. Deep breath in, deep breath out, deep breath in, deep breath out. Eventually, I got the hang of it.
“Now,” he said. “Ask your question.”
“What question? I don’t have a question.”
“Sure you do.”
I didn’t argue further, and instead did as he asked. Deep breath in, deep breath out.Which woman am I?Deep breath in, deep breath out.Which woman do I want to be?Deep breath in, deep breath out.
It didn’t take long for the answer to become clear. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I never shied away from a challenge, and I couldn’t live with myself if I settled for less than I could accomplish.
He would get what he wanted. I would accept the challenge he hadn’t realized he’d set for me and give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d demand evidence.
“I heard that,” he said.
I still had my eyes closed, but I could envision him pointing an accusatory finger at me. “You heard what?”
