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“You noticed?” I told my filter to fuck off for the night, and so she happily left the building.
“I suppose I deserved that comment from time to time.” I wrinkled my nose at him and put my glass to my lips. His voice seemed a little lighter, not his normal tone, one phone call away from a stroke. “Do you know why I’m so hard on you?”
“Please, Dad, I can’t do this conversation right now.” I batted back a dam of emotion. “I know it’s because you see something in me that reminds you of you, and that’s why you treat me like a bag of shit.”
“Bag of shit?” He pulled in his chin as if hurt.
“First words that came to mind.”
“I see.” He nodded as he thought. “Well, you might be partially right.”
“Not partially.” I took a large sip of wine.
“McKenna, I’m hard on you because you can take it.”
“Can I?” I stared up at him. “Because I’ve taken a lot up to now. As a matter of fact, Dad, I’m about ready to burst with all I’ve taken.”
“Why is that?”
“Because—” I stopped myself and realized what I had been about to blurt. “Because I’ve hit my limit.” I pivoted. “I lost a big client contract yesterday.”
He studied my face, and his own softened. “It’s not the first contract you’ve ever lost. It’ll be okay.”
“No, it’s not.” I wiped a tear away. “When has it ever been okay?”
“McKenna, you’re human, and so am I. I’m not perfect. You know I’ve lost a big client before, and it nearly cost me everything.”
It may not have cost him everything, but it sure as hell took years off my own life, and apparently it still was.
“Do you remember, Simba?”
“What?” His change in subject lost me.
“Simba. That albino rabbit you got when you were eight. It had big, red eyes.”
“Of course I remember, Dad. I begged you for a bunny for years.”
“Right, and when I heard the neighbors had a litter of babies that time, I made sure I got one for you. It was for your eighth birthday. You named him Simba.” I was honestly shocked he’d even remembered that. “You forced that little bunny into dresses and bows and even got him to sit like a dog.” He chuckled lightly. “I still have no idea how you did it.”
“Poor thing.”
“Not poor thing, because you loved him, and he knew that, and that’s why he tolerated you.”
“What’s the point of this memory, Dad?” I didn’t trust this sudden tenderness.
“My point, my sweet girl…” He raised a hand to show his intention and tenderly wiped a tear away. Who was this man? “I’m hard on you because I love you, just like you were hard on Simba because you loved him. I know I don’t stop long enough to listen most days, and my temper can be an easy four.” He chuckled at his number, and I let myself soften a bit. “But for what it’s worth, I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. I knew you were destined to do great things. It was one of the reasons I wanted you here, so I could see your success grow. I didn’t want to miss that.”
“Really?” I wished this moment, one I’d dreamed about for half my life, wasn’t laced with the agony of the past few days. Maybe there was a reason for the timing. If there was ever a time I needed something to remind me that my father still loved me, it was now. I was sure the man he once was lived on inside, even though he hurt me repeatedly. My mother had stayed married to him for a reason. She must see this side of him. She knew it was there.
“Really.” He pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. “Now, are we done with the drinking?”
“I think I should get to bed.”
“I agree.” He pulled away and smiled from ear to ear like he was proud he’d been able to have that moment with me. “You look so much like your mother.” He tucked my hair behind my shoulder. “Strong and full of life. Ah…” He stopped himself like he remembered something. “I’m off to help your mother with some things in Reno, so I’ll be leaving here shortly, but remember tomorrow is a new day filled with new possibilities, my dear.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you more.”
