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Kayla put her hands up in surrender. “I don’t know. That’s just what I’ve heard. You know how rumors go. I’ve seen her a couple times, but I haven’t talked to her. I guess you know she’s working at the hospital with Mercy.”
Mercy. Yes. That would make sense. Mercy had been one of her closest friends. In fact, Mercy had dated her brother Greg. We’d all been on lots of double dates together. The memorygouged me like an old scar being pressed at and reopened. I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “I need sleep.”
Kayla frowned. “How long are you going to be here?”
“At least a week.” Truthfully, I wanted to leave right now. Dad was clearly okay. But there was something pulling at me. I wanted to somehow clear the air between me and Dad. I just wasn’t sure why he was mad at me, although I could imagine a few reasons.
She nodded and let out a light laugh. “Not the reunion I anticipated. Now I guess Ella has messed with your head.”
I knew my sister was protective of me. “Kayla, it’s fine. I shouldn’t even have said that to you.”
“It’s not fine. It’s been a long time, and everyone needs to get over it. The fact that she blamed you for Greg’s death is outrageous.”
Even though I knew what she was saying was true, it still hurt to hear it. “The past is over.”
“Is it, Noah?” She wagged a finger at me. “Because you should see the look on your face. I don’t think the past is over. I don’t think the past has ever been looked at. And maybe you can change that. Maybe you can decide that you guys were kids, and it was an accident, and you can move on. Because the past eight years has hurt our family. Having you gone has hurt our family. I’ve been the one holding it all together, and I need your help now. You’ve got to step up.”
The situation would’ve made me laugh, because my little sister was being prissy and annoying right now. Yet it was also the truth.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I promised her. “Four o’clock for dinner.”
She shook her head. “Two o’clock is church. I don’t know if Dad will go, but Mom will.” She pushed away from the Jeep and slammed my door shut. “Go and sit by her. That’s an order.”
Chapter Four
Ella
The next morning, I sat on the porch swing at my grandmother’s cabin—my cabin—and stared at the lake. Shifting my hot cup of coffee from hand to hand, I managed to wrap my robe tighter around myself. I hadn’t slept well, but I’d still gotten up at six-thirty.
Even before I took the nursing job in Refuge Falls, I’d worked as a nurse in California since I’d graduated four years ago. I’d always worked the day shift, which I was grateful for, because nursing could have horrible hours. In Los Angeles, I had to get up early for the commute, so six-thirty truly felt like sleeping in.
I took a sip of coffee and tried to relax into the porch swing. It was chilly this early in the morning. I’d pulled out the outdoor heater and had it running next to me.
The system was ridiculous. I was outside trying to heat myself, while I was outside. I couldn’t help but smile, because Grandma had taught it to me. Grandpa had always teased her about it. He’d passed away when Greg and I were around twelve. I still remembered cuddling with my brother in the swing while the heater was on. Grandma would be inside the kitchen, makingus breakfast, and a little TV would blare the news from the countertop.
Another wave of grief hit me. I would never get back that time with my brother. I wished I had appreciated all the time with him when I had it. That was the thing about death—it stole time. It made a person look back on everything before and see it in a new, painful light.
It didn’t help that today was the anniversary of his death. Brian had always hated that I observed this day. I hated that he’d hated it. It had sparked our first fight after getting married, because he’d been upset that I’d been paying attention to something that wasn’t him.
I stared into my black coffee, then put it down and reached for another blanket to pile on me. I hadn’t changed much in the house yet, had just been systematically decluttering and getting rid of things, but there were so many I couldn’t part with. Like Grandma’s blankets.
Tears streaked cold trails down my cheeks. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve died that day, not my brother. It should have been me.
Closing my eyes, I rocked back and forth. It took a minute before I wiped the tears and leaned back, gazing out again at the lake.
I’d gone to sleep last night thinking of how different Noah looked from when I’d seen him eight years ago. His face had popped up in my mind again and again, no matter how I’d tried to push it away. I’d remembered the last time I’d touched that face, the last time our lips had been pressed together. I couldn’t forget his expression when I’d told him I could never be with him.
Anger suddenly rushed through me. Why did I have to see him yesterday?
The guilt set in. I loved his father. His mom and dad had always been so good to me. I’d seen them at the movie theaterwhen I’d first gotten into town. I’d gone there by myself, hoping to get lost in a story and not think about my life. Of course, I’d forgotten that I wasn’t in Los Angeles anymore. Refuge Falls was not really a refuge when you were trying to run away from everyone. His mom had hugged me, and his father had given me a kind look and told me how sorry he was about my grandma.
My phone buzzed, jolting me from the memory. Who would be trying to call so early?
Mom.
I nearly dropped the phone. I hadn’t talked to my parents since Grandma’s funeral.
“Hello,” I answered. I was keenly aware of how most people would say something more personal, like “hey, Mom.” But our relationship wasn’t like that.
