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I vacillated between being irritated and touched by how good the Armstrong brothers were. “Thank you. Like I said, I don’t want cameras up. I like having the lake house as my own personal refuge within Refuge.” I gave him a wan smile.
He smiled back. “Good one. Well, I know there’s stuff with my brother, but he is resourceful if you need him. And he’s only two doors away.”
I nodded. “I know.”
Damon hesitated. “Are you coming to the town fair tonight?”
“I don’t think so.” I was caught off guard that he would even bring this up, but this was a small town.
As if he had supersonic hearing, Trent said, “When are we going to the fair, Dad?”
Damon rolled his eyes at me before he turned to Trent. “I told you, bud. Tonight after work, we will take you and your brother to the fair. Right now, you’re going back to Grandma and Grandpa’s. Uncle Noah is there, and he has gardening chores for you.”
Trent frowned. “Okay. At least I can use one arm.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The little man acted so grown up and had clearly resolved himself to do the work even though it would be difficult.
Damon smiled at me. “You have a good day.”
I watched him walk away, and suddenly I could picture Noah walking around his parents’ huge garden. It was the kind withseparate rows. It had yielded lots of vegetables when we were younger. His parents and brothers had spent hours canning them. I remembered because I’d helped a few times.
The image of Noah running into the hospital the other day, Trent in his arms, flashed in my mind. The way Noah had held him and soothed his pain… The center of my heart ached. Noah had always been good with kids. He’d been good with everyone.
Last night, I could tell he’d wanted to comfort me, but I wouldn’t let him. I was beginning to regret my stance on never forgiving him. Why was I being so stubborn about it?
The hospital was quiet for the next two hours, and I had a lot of time to think at the nursing station. Could I really forgive Noah? Could I forgive myself? That was the problem. I didn’t want to forgive myself.
On break, I called Mercy and explained everything.
“I know what your problem is,” she said as only a best friend could.
“What’s that?”
“It’s about more than just forgiveness.”
I was confused. “Then what is it about?”
“It’s about letting yourself be vulnerable again. I mean, of course you’re unsettled. It’s because of the way you grew up, with your parents not really being parents, constantly dumping you on your grandparents but popping back into your life at random times.”
I processed her words. It was a little annoying that she was going therapist on me, but she was exactly right. “But I did get married.”
She sputtered out a grunt. “He wasn’t from here. He didn’t know your brother.”
That was a good point.
Mercy sighed. “Everything with your brother … it must have left you feeling vulnerable. I can’t imagine suddenly losingsomeone who’s been with you since the womb. It must be unbelievably hard.”
“Yeah, it was. It … is.”
My eyes squeezed shut as I realized the biggest problem.
Noah was the only one who really understood what it was like. Without him, I would always feel alone.
Chapter Seventeen
Noah
I didn’t know why I had agreed to go to the county fair. Damon took his boys, who’d talked incessantly about it all day long. McCrae somehow talked me into going with him. From the moment I got there, stepping out of McCrae’s passenger-side truck door, I was overwhelmed by the noise. Twangy country music blared over the speakers. Not that I hated country music, but the county fair was pretty much known for it.
