AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Love you both. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
We watched her drive away, falling into an uneasy silence.
Awkwardly, I asked, “Do you want me to get you dinner?”
My father shook his head and waved a hand in dismissal. “Not hungry.”
I was hungry. I thought about going to the pizza place for dinner and buying the one Ella used to love sharing with me. I’d have to get one at some point while I was here at home.
Was it still my home, though? I wasn’t even staying at my house. For so long, I’d only come once a year. Despite that, I knew deep down that this was home. It always would be.
My father cleared his throat, signaling he was finally ready to talk. “I want to level with you. You know that I’ve been upset since you’ve been back. I don’t like behaving that way.”
His words hung in the air, and I simply nodded.
My father let out a little sigh. “Your mother doesn’t like me upset, either. I haven’t heard the end of it. “
“Mom never liked any of us to be upset with each other. She never let me and the boys and Kayla go on for too long.” I thought about all the times my mother had ended fights by forcing us to do chores. She would tell us to do them until we could get along, and she’d make sure to keep us busy. I couldn’t help but smile at the memory.
“Your mother was good with you kids. She still is. She had a kind touch, but she didn’t take any crap.”
I nodded somewhat nervously. Maybe there was a deeper reason why my father was upset.
“I’ll just tell you straight. I am sad you haven’t been home the past couple years. You have been here for Christmas, and I appreciated that for your mother’s sake. But when I had a heart attack, I realized I don’t know you anymore, son. When you were growing up, you were right next to me, whether it was at my sermons, going out on search and rescue, or doing so many things. I really have missed you.”
I didn’t know what to say. All this time, I had never considered how my actions might have caused my father pain.Maybe I’d been so stuck in my own pain that I couldn’t see anything else. My mind flashed to yesterday when Ella and I had spoken over Greg’s grave. She was still grieving her brother, and I knew she was hurting just as much as I was.
I’d been handling this on my own. Of course, I’d had some girlfriends over the years, but none of those relationships had lasted long. It didn’t help that I was always going on the next mission and had never been in a position for anything stable. Even when I’d started doing private security three years ago, I’d kept myself busy and refused to let anyone in.
With all of this in mind, I turned to my father. “I’ve missed a lot. I’ve missed all of you—you, Mom, Damon, McCrae, Canyon, Kayla, and Dylan.” Emotion stuck in the back of my throat. Until it had been thrown in my face just now, I hadn’t let it touch me. I’d just clamped down on those emotions like I would kink the sprinkler hose when I was young and wanted the water to stop.
“Have you?”
I thought of what my dad had talked about, always going with him on search and rescue. My father had taught all of us to climb. He’d fostered a true love of the outdoors in me, even as he’d supported me during my time in the military. He had trained all of us with basic survival skills, and I had put them to good use.
“I’ve missed you,” I repeated. “When I got the call a couple days ago, I was like a spinning top—the kind Grandma would give us for Christmas when we were young. We thought they were ancient toys, but we would spin them on the ground and see which one could keep going the fastest and the longest. I’ve been like that for years, but it was worse when I found out about you.”
My father nodded, and his eyes shone with moisture. “I remember those tops.”
I cringed and ran a hand through my hair. It was like layers of emotion were hitting all at once as I realized the damage that I had caused. I thought of Dylan and how he had flippantly told me that I never called. He was right. I hardly knew Dylan at all. I thought of all the time I had missed with all my siblings and parents. My eyes burned. I stood and started pacing.
“Son, sit down,” my father said softly.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I turned and faced him, getting hit with another wave of regret. I moved to his side and put a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t lose you.” With a shudder, I wondered what it would’ve been like to come home for another funeral. I slumped to my knees and bowed my head. “I’m sorry, Dad. I really am.”
My father put his hand on mine. “Okay, son. I needed you to know that I miss you. I want to have a relationship with you again.”
I gazed up at my father through the blur of tears. I was starting to see things so differently. “I want a relationship with you too. I do.”
My father leaned over and put both arms around me. I reached up and held him. Things had to change, and I had no idea where to start. Something under me had shifted, like an earthquake had thrown me off balance, and the ground I’d thought was solid threatened to pull me under. I’d been so stupid and blind.
“I’m just glad you’re home,” he said. “I’m really glad you’re home.”
I was about to say that I was only home for a week, and then I realized that maybe that wasn’t true.
“And I feel like I should tell you something.”
“What’s that, Dad?”
