AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But at some point you realized I did?”
I nodded. “I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling. After that night in the kitchen.” It was like déjà vu in that moment, both of us using the same words and phrases we’d used that night. “I was pretty sure you figured it out.” But he hadn’t said anything, so I hadn’t said anything.
He flashed a smile, but it was tight, not filled with memories or joy. “Yeah.”
“Slate,” I began because suddenly I felt as if I had to explain it all before this all went south. “It’s not what you think.”
He swung his long legs over the side of the bed and gave me his back. He shook his head and let out a huff of disgust. “I’m pretty sure it’s exactly what I think. And it’s fine, Emma. I get it.”
My nostrils flared and anger welled up within me even though I knew I had no fucking right to be angry with him. Except I was angry at his insinuation. “I’m pretty sure youdon’tget it.”
He stood, naked and beautiful, before he turned to me. “You think you’re the first good girl to want a roll in the hay with a bad boy? A biker?”
I flinched as if he hit me.He didn’t,I reminded myself. “Like I said, you couldn’t possibly understand but you could let me explain.”
“Why bother? So you can let me down easily?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I told you that you don’t have to sleep with me to stay here.”
“Will you please just shut the hell up and listen?” He turned away again, and I found that I really didn’t like that. “Look at me. Please.”
His broad shoulders rose and fell over and over again. I watched, nearly hypnotized by the slow, steady breaths he used to curb his anger.
“That night with you changed my life,” I began because I needed to make him understand. “I went back to my life as usual, only I felt better than my old self. Sexier and more confident. I went to classes as usual and hung out with Sara, but I didn’t go out because I knew there wouldn’t be a guy like you at my silly college parties.”
He snorted his disbelief.
“Two months after that I got sick. Really sick and I was so damn scared that it was something awful. Something that would kill me. Instead it gave me life when I found out I was eight weeks pregnant.”
His breaths stopped.
“Yeah,” I replied on a huff of laughter even though he wasn’t actually participating in this conversation. “I was pretty shocked too and scared as hell. Morning sickness was so bad that I missed most of my classes for months three and four and I ended up dropping out before I got my diploma.” I shook my head and closed my eyes as I relived that time in my life. “I didn’t know how to contact you, and I had nothing but the name Asher to go on and I wasn’t even sure it was your real name or a nickname.”
“It’s my real name,” he said after a long moment.
“Anyway I told myself that a kid would wreck your life, that you didn’t want one. We hadn’t switched numbers, and I knew you probably had a lot of women. I made excuses to myself that made it easier for me to avoid another rejection. I tried but not as hard as I could have or should have and for that, I’m sorry.” I could see so clearly that I’d made a lot of excuses back then to protect myself. “I’m so sorry.”
“Ashlyn is my daughter?”
“Yes, she is. That’s why I didn’t say anything because I was scared, not that you’d hurt me physically, just that you might not want her. I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you. My head has been everywhere recently…” I paused and swallowed. His silence was killing me, but I needed him to understand. “That’s no excuse, I’m not trying to make excuses, but please believe me, I was going to tell you, I truly was.” My heart stopped in my chest when he turned and looked past me or rather straight through me.
He crossed the room and found what he was looking for, his boxer briefs, and stepped into one leg and then the other. He stood tall, sighed and left the room without a look back.
My heart seized with panic. I sat there for a full minute, debating whether or not I wanted to go after him. Ultimately, I jumped from the bed and slipped into his t-shirt and my underwear and rushed from the bedroom, coming to a dead stop when I saw him standing in the doorway of Ashlyn’s room. Watching her.
She was curled up on her side, her favorite toy, a stuffed rhino tucked against her chest. So sweet and quiet in sleep. “She’s fearless just like you.” I didn’t have a fearless or reckless bone in my body. Being with Slate was the wildest thing I’d ever done, then or since.
Slate sucked in a deep breath. “Shit,” he muttered on the exhale and when he walked away this time, I let him. He needed some time to himself, and I owed him that much.
At least.
I stood in the hallway for a long time and stared at my daughter. Our daughter. She had a father now. A real father, I hoped, who would love and care for her, who would teach her that good men existed in this world. More importantly, one who would show her that.
Eventually I pulled myself from my thoughts and my fears and went back to Slate’s room to retrieve my clothes before I headed back to my temporary room and started to pack. The writing was on the wall and this time I wouldn’t stick around until I was an unwanted burden.
I learned that lesson the hard way once.
Never again.
Chapter 22
