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“I don’t have anything to hide, Le, but the last thing I want you to be is nervous or awkward around me. I've been through something, and I’m sure you have been, too, but I’ve worked hard on not allowing that to define me. Ask me whatever you want about it but I would hope that you want to get to know me beyond that.”
“I understand. So kids? How important is that to you?”
“How many you plan on having?” He corked his brow, and quickly, those dark, sleepy eyes turned from seriousness to flirtation. I popped my head back.
“Hold up! Who said we were even ready for that type of conversation?” A pasted a fake smile on my face.
“Look, you the only one that ain’t sure. I know what I want and who I want it with.”
“Just answer the question, Prince. What’s your preference?” I kept trying to wipe the smile from my face butcouldn’t. I needed to focus on something else or maybe he should have put on a damn shirt because him sitting across from me was killing me softly. He was waking up all types of nasty, dirty recaps of our night together.
“I want a big family. Maybe six or seven kids. I can compromise, though. I will say at least four.”
“I always wanted a big family, too. I mean, it was just my sister and myself growing up, but I always wished for younger and older siblings. I wouldn’t want to bring up children in any type of dysfunction, though.”
“It won’t be any.”
“That’s a big responsibility in itself. Think about that for real: six kids.”
“I’d love each one of them, too. I guess I always wanted to be a dad because I never had much of one.”
“I heard about things vaguely from Satisa. She mentioned that the Priest did not have a good relationship with his father. Was that the same for all of you?”
“Yeah, you can say that. I would say for a period of time I had more of a relationship with my father than my other two siblings. When he saw that I wasn’t going after the things he wanted me to, he fell back. When I say fell back, I mean he showed us all that he really didn’t give a fuck about anything but my mother.”
“Wow. I’m sorry.”
“It’s something you get past.”
“What was it that he wanted for you? You seem pretty accomplished in your own right.”
“My father always had this thing about selling drugs. Ever since I was a young boy, he would pull me in and tell me shit about the streets and sellin'. I’d always been the type to work more with my hands than anything else. Our paths were different. I still wanted to be affiliated with the streets because, ironically enough, I thought that it would make him proud. I started fixing houses for kingpins and bosses. Shit, I started making a killing. Wasn’t good enough for him, though.”
“I don’t see why not.”
“I don’t dwell on it. I accept the people who accept me. I ran into Remy and I saw that God gives us what we need in different forms.”
“Remy is a sweet guy.”
“Yeah, he cool, but he wasn’t to be fucked with either. He is firm on the site. He put his foot in my ass on a daily because he saw my potential. Without him, there is no way I would have been chasing my dreams like this. I owe him a lot.”
“So that’s how things started between you and his daughter?” I asked placing a piece of Danish in my mouth.
“Yeah, I guess you can say that. I should have paid attention to the signs. I was much more invested in that relationship than she was. I wasn’t making home my priority either because I started to see the rift. I was gone all the time, either between working with Rem or trying to build my own business.”
“That’s no excuse!” I butted in, slamming my hand on the table. He looked at my balled fist, and I quickly unwound it. “Look, I've been cheated on before, and that shit does something to me.”
“I get it, and no, it wasn’t an excuse. Neither is what I did after.”
He stopped talking, and I sat up again.
“The silence became so loud. That’s where my addiction started and I took the long road to make peace with myself. That shit ain’t easy but I promised myself this time things would be different. That’s why I say the things I say to you. For me, I don’t play games, and I have to make sure that the person I am with matches my investment.”
After he finished his spiel, he looked down at his plate and threw a piece of bacon in his mouth. I looked down at my plate and didn’t touch it. His story made me lose my appetite.
“I’m not a victim of my story. You aren’t either. Life happens to all of us. Every day, we get up with the power to choose different. Being mad at the world gets you nowhere. We all have had some fucked up shit happen. I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad for me. I told you because I want you to understand that I am more than my bad choices. It’s important to me that you know that. But also, in dealing with me, you have a right to know exactly what they were.”
“Thank you for telling me.” My brain was screaming to shut it down and not let it go any further, but my heart was saying open and give it a chance. If he was going to run, it would have been better if he did it now. No one knew we were here or the depths of our relationship. “When I killed him,” I started and felt all the air get sucked out of the room. He lifted his head from his plate and gave me his full attention.
