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“Cool. I’m gone look over a few specs. Let me know when it gets here so I can help you put everything away.” I nodded and started checking the cabinets to see if there was anything that needed to be thrown out. The cabinets, fridge, and freezer were all bare. I clapped my hands together happy as a kid in the candy store starting from a blank canvas.
Once the order came, we unpacked it together. I was surprised by how natural I was around him. I was doing everything I could to keep my guard up, but his presence made me comfortable. Once I started on dinner, he busied himself drafting ideas for the hotel. This man’s work ethic was unmatched, and I vowed to fill his belly with a warm meal. It was just something about a working man that made a woman want to feed him. Hours later, I put together chicken, parmesan, steamed vegetables, and salad. We were at the table making small talk. There was still something on my mind.
“So what happened? I’m sorry. That was so insensitive!”Insensitive? Who the hell was I right now?I shoveled some of my chicken parmesan into my mouth so I wouldn’t keep talking.
“It’s okay. I would love to share that with you. For us to do anything, you need to know me. We need to know each other.”
I sat up and waited for him to finish speaking.
“It was like I was on top of the world, and it all changed in a blink of an eye. I was married before this. To Rem’s daughter as I told you.” I shifted in my seat, hating that I had asked. He and Remy’s relationship was so much like father and son and now I saw why. “I met Remy years ago. I guess when I met his daughter, things clicked almost instantly. My business was thriving, and I was finally getting ready to launch legitimately and leave all my under the table jobs behind.”
“Oh so that’s where the name Patch comes from.”
He nodded his head and continued. “I got a call one day that she had gotten into a car accident. I’ll be honest, our relationship wasn’t the best before then. I was trying to hang on for our child.”
“Child?” Red sirens started blaring in my ears. He dropped his head and looked back at me with a look so full of despair it made me uncomfortable.
“Yeah, well we got into an argument before she left one of the sites I was working at. I was trying to suppress my feelings because she was starting to move differently. Shit started not adding up, and I knew the truth was missing. She didn’t want to talk, and she stormed away. I should’ve stopped her.”
I reached for his hand when I realized the end of the story before he spoke it. “You can’t blame yourself,” I tried to soothe him.
“I did, though. She didn’t make it, and to be honest, that wasn’t the most fucked up part.”
“Your child was with her? Prince, I am so sorry!” I felt myself getting emotional.
“Nah, The day it happened, I rushed to the hospital. A nigga came up claiming the child was his. I blacked out on his ass and ended up being arrested. I tried to fight it but DNA proved he didn’t lie. She knew the whole time and she didn’t tell a soul. The kid I bonded with for eight months was torn from me. The child I gave my name to. He told me she was on her way to him the day she died. I believe him. It was no reason to lie.”
“Oh my God, Prince! I mean, something like that would drive you to a lot of things.”
“Even still I never chose it—the drugs. I never chose it,” he clarified. I could tell that part was vital for him to say. “I fell into a depression and missed a few opportunities for my business. So I got a little heavy in the underground. I ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Muthafucka came in and thought it was a setup since I was there. Wanted to make sure I wasn’t fed. He put a gun to my head and made me do a line before he would leave or do a deal with who I was doing work for. Had I been on my shit, I would’ve never ended up in a situation like that. I was depressed, but I wasn’t choosing death. That shit hit my body, and it was like, for the first time in months, I felt nothing. That shit was a different kind of freedom. My thoughts tortured me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I lost, and one hit of that shit, and it all was wiped away. Numb. I took that shit as much as I could, and it wasn’t until I realized how much time I lost did I realize that it was destroying me.”
“Wow.”
I tried to digest everything that he told me. “That’s something to be proud of. You did more than a lot of peoplewould. You got help, and you got better. That’s admirable by anyone’s estimation.”
“Thank you, but I am not worried about anyone outside of us two when it comes to how people feel about me.” He locked eyes with me.
“I’m proud of what you have accomplished,” I added quickly.
“Thank you, Le.”
“I feel like that was a lot to share. Is there anything you want to ask me?” I braced myself.
“I’m willing to listen to whatever you feel you are ready to say. Whatever you are comfortable sharing.”
“You never asked me why I started stripping. I mean, usually, that is the first question men ask.” I pushed my broccoli back and forth on the plate.
“The truth is heavy enough. No need to make it heavier with a lie.”
“Why do you talk like that?”
“What you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Like you know something I don’t know. It’s annoying,” I said honestly.
“I just don’t want you to feel obligated to force yourself to say things you aren’t ready to.”
I don’t know why I bothered because everything Prince said spoke to me.
