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“Nigga we in this little ass room it ain’t no reason for you to be yelling that fucking loud,” Priest jumped in before I could. Of course the women had the bigger room of the two wedding parties for obvious reasons. If it was up to me, I would have gotten dressed at home and pulled up five minutes before it was time to walk down the aisle, but Le insisted. This was her day, and she could have whatever she wanted, so I sat here anxiously for three hours, but it was finally time, and the reflection in the mirror showed me that I looked damn good.
“Shit, I’m trying to pull his ass out of a daze. I ain’t never seen a nigga look at themselves that much. Pretty boy ass nigga.” Chaz had the biggest grin on his face.
“Aye, I gotta help Ma with the baby real quick. How long ‘til we walk?”
“Eight minutes!” Pria popped into the room with a headset out of nowhere.
“Nah, cuz, don’t do that shit! You almost had me pulling out in here.” Chaz had his hand on his waistband, and I didn’t say shit to correct him that time because the way she popped into the room almost made me fall into instinct, too.
“Chaz you ain’t gone do nothing. You men are so handsome.” She pressed a huge smile on her face.
“You are, too, sis’.” I gave her a hug and pulled her off her feet.
“No! Put me down! I have on makeup!” She pushed me back. Her small frame wore a beautiful crimson gown, the same as our wedding colors. Now, Priest, go check on the baby. Mom is saying that his teething ring is in the car. Hurry back because it is places in seven minutes, and we will not start late,” she warned, tipping her chin toward him, showing she meant business.
“I think yo’ ass like bossing people around.”
“No cap, her ass found her calling.” I agreed with Priest as he slipped out of the door.
“I mean, it’s good to finally get y’all back because y’all always trying to tell me what to do, but let me go check on the girls. Seven minutes and I mean it! When you hear your music cue you walk, fellas.”
“Wait up, sis’.” I grabbed her hand before she could slip away. “Thank you for everything you are doing here. I know at times I wasn’t the best brother to you but your love never changed toward me. You didn’t have to help me, and you have, and I will forever appreciate what you have done to make this day special. Le told me how much you have done to make her comfortable, and I can’t repay you for that, but know I’m going try.” A smile crept across her face. The one she smiled when I knew she was about to hit my pockets.
“Trust me, you will pay, but you know I would do anything for you. I’m proud of you, brother.” She kissed my cheeks and gave me a final warning before she walked out the door. “Six minutes!”
“She really good at this shit. I seen everything she set up. It’s a nice wedding, cuz. No bullshit.” Chaz rose and stood next to me.
“You good, cuz?” I asked.
“Hell yeah. You know me.”
“Nah, for real you good? None of that hard shit,” I asked again.
“What am I supposed to do? She made her choice. No matter how much we have been through. I ain’t going out sad behind nobody. Even Nesha.”
“Bruh, you acting like you didn’t cheat on her this whole time.”
“That’s the shit I’m talking about! Everybody is always talking about what I do, like I was the only one out here doing shit. Nesha was just better about covering her shit, but she was out here doing the same and fucking worse, so I don’t want to hear it. I mean, how the hell could she not be to beengaged to a whole ‘nother nigga while we were technically still fucking around. How is that worse than getting somebody else pregnant?”
I took a deep breath. My goal wasn’t to argue with him. I realized lately the position I was taking with him hadn’t been portraying the things I was trying to get him to understand. At least Priest and I had some semblance of a father. Chaz never had that outside of us and the last thing I wanted was for our relationship to sever because I knew better than anyone else that you needed your people more when you were wrong than when you were right.
“All I’m saying is that you didn’t love Nesha, bruh.”
“How can you say some shit like that? Man fuck this. Just tell me when it’s time to walk.”
“Chaz, just hear me out, cuz.” I stopped him before he left the room. “Love arrests you, cuz. Trust me I know. When you love somebody, and I mean not that surface shit, but when you really breathe into that person and you can’t sleep if the things between you and them are right. When you can’t function unless you know that person is okay and safe. Fuck finishing sentences. Le Monroe completes my life, and even if I was mad, there is no one on this earth that can give me the feelings she gives me. Replacements only piss you off because no one can touch you like that person does. No one can make you feel the things she does. It’s like one day you wake up and you realize the emptiness that you were struggling with before you met them and you suffocate when they aren’t around. That’s the shit I’m talking about. You know Nesha is a good woman, but if she was your woman, it would have gone a lot different, cuz. You would have done the work to break down the walls because love makes you do that even when you don’t want to.”
He shook his head as my words resonated. “I fucked with her though, cuz. She was like my home base.”
“Nah, yo’ homebase is you, cuz. You gotta figure out what demons you're afraid of and slay them muthafuckas. If anybody knows about it, it’s me.”
“Aye, cuz I apologize for—"
“Nah we good, cuz. We always will be.” I locked eyes with him and pulled him in for a brotherly hug. Priest cracked the door open.
“Chaz you cryin’? What the hell I miss?” Priest looked back and forth confused.
The music cued as Chaz and I separated and he was happy to bypass the question as we all made a corporate move out of the door. Now it wasn’t about nothing but my woman. I imagined seeing her walk down that aisle all night. I wouldn’t lie to myself and say I wouldn’t cry. She could get every fucking ounce of emotion I had in front of the world. She was my needle in the haystack. I knew the moment I saw her that she would have a pull on my heart and I’d be damned if I wasn’t right.
