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“I’m sorry, sprite,” I murmured into her hair, my breath releasing a whoosh of rosy scent from the strands and into the air. “I broke my promise to you.”
“Yes, you did,” she said, though her voice was soft and contained no anger. She spun in my arms, her bright blue eyes sad as she drank in my raw expression.
“What do you need right now?” I asked, releasing a hand from her lower back to smooth her hair away from her face.
“Nothing anyone can give me,” she admitted. “I’m so exhausted. My mind is spinning out of control, worrying that I’ll doom us all if I make the wrong choice. I thought choice was what I wanted, but with the weight of the decision, I just wish the Goddess had chosen for me.”
It was then that she revealed the weariness in her eyes, the truth to all the nights where I’d rolled over and tugged her closer as she tossed and turned, nightmares tearing her from sleep more often than not. “I will do better at reining in my own emotions. I’ve told you before and I will remind you now that I intend to spend the rest of my life making up for all the wrongs done to you, my own included. I will not add to your burden now by forcing you to use your magic on me because my fear of you choosing him is out of control.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes brimming with tears.
“You are the light that cuts through the dark and shows me the way forward. My every breath belongs to you, now and forever. And as I lay dying, my last thoughts will be of you.”
She buried her face into my chest, and I held her there, rubbing soothing circles across her back until her heart ceased racing and her breaths slowed. It wasn’t long before she succumbed to her fatigue, and I refused to move as she finally found rest. She was my everything, and it was my duty to ensure she was taken care of in every way possible. I’d lay down my life for her, stay awake all night if that’s what it took for her to sleep, and go without food or drink to see her survive.
Deep down, I knew she would choose me in the end. It was the waiting that was killing me.
20
Béke Day Five
“He was saying all the right things,” I told Liliana as we dropped our horses off in the makeshift pen to one side of an arena that had been erected on the outskirts of Radence. Drazen had cleared this spot of snow, again, while a smattering of small arenas and roped-off areas marked the zones for each strength competition. A grandstand stood opposite us, filled with residents of the Iron Realm who had turned out to watch the competition. We’d have to pick a spot and cycle through each game until we’d finished them all.
“So what happened?” Liliana asked, sweeping her long braid over her shoulder.
We stopped at the nearest event table and gave our names before getting in line. “The dances were so sensual, I got caught up in them. We were kissing, and then he laid me on the floor. Ruslan showed up, and…” I trailed off, core flaming along with my cheeks at the memory. “They fought, then the three of us fucked. It was incredible, but after, Kazimir challenged Ruslan,and his eyes went pure black like there was not a bit of white left in them. I managed to siphon away some of whatever that was, and when he came back to himself, he acted like nothing had happened.”
“First, that’s hot as fuck and I expect more details later. Second, what the fuck,” Liliana cursed, shaking her head at the ground. “Endre definitely knows what is going on with Kazimir. I will force it out of him. You need to know what you are choosing, Izidora.”
I blew out a breath. “No kidding. I have a fucking headache constantly from the thoughts circling in my mind, and when I do manage to sleep, I’m torn back to reality by nightmares of what happens if I choose the wrong one. The sex was incredible and empowering but it didn’t change any of my feelings.”
Shouts rang out around us, and I craned my neck around the large males in front of us to glimpse what caused the commotion. Savich had hefted a boulder the size of three of me over his head, and sweat poured down his burly frame as the seconds ticked by. “Please tell me we don’t have to lift that boulder,” I groaned.
Liliana snorted. “We have to lift a boulder, but not that one. I think it weighs more than you, me, and Domi combined.”
The aforementioned female pushed through the line of participants to rejoin us, glass bottles clinking in her arms. “Thank the Goddess, I really need a drink after what Izidora just told me.”
Domi lifted a perfectly shaped black eyebrow, her eyes dancing with curiosity. “Oh? And what’s that?”
Liliana used her silvery magic to pop the cork out of a bottle of red wine, then tipped it back and chugged. She released the lip with a sigh, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She handed the bottle to me before saying, “Kazimir’s done some shit again.”
Domi rolled her eyes, using her magic to uncork the other bottle. We clinked the lips of our wine bottles together before we both drank down greedy gulps. The red wine carried a hint of spice and smoke, and I licked my lips for every last drop before passing the bottle back to Liliana. It was bitterly cold and overcast, and the alcohol brought some warmth back to my veins.
“Lately, I am beginning to question what Kaztar sees in him. I know he saved them from that avalanche, but the way you talk about him, Izidora, makes me question which side is the real Kazimir,” Domi murmured after a long moment.
“I’ve known him my whole life, and the side Kaztar likes is what I’ve seen up until the last few months. Maybe losing you broke something in his brain,” Liliana offered.
“Whatever happened to him doesn’t change the fact that I still have to make this fucking choice,” I grumbled, tucking my fingers into my armpits to keep them warm. Someone’s attention fell over me, sending a shiver down my spine, and when I glanced over my shoulder, Ruslan’s smoky eyes bored into me from where he sat with Queen Immonen and Queen Viktoria on the raised platform, surveying the event. The females were bundled against the cold, and a row of braziers sent sparks into the air around them, offering what small reprieve they could.
My stomach dropped at the sight of the worry in his eyes, and I grew even colder than before. Domi nudged me with her elbow, offering me her bottle of wine. I accepted it gladly and took a long swig, wiping my mouth as we took a few steps forward. The other contestants had finally finished their round with the boulders. “From everything you’ve said, it sounds to me like Ruslan is the one you really want. You talk about how he understands you and sees you and that’s all you’ve ever wanted, if that helps anything.”
“But what if the male I love is the wrong choice?” I whispered my deepest fear into existence, hoping that this choice of light and dark wouldn’t cause me to lose everyone I cared about.
Liliana grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Why does there have to be a right and wrong, or a good and bad? The prophecy doesn’t say ‘if you choose the wrong one we’re all fucked.’ It says ‘there is a choice’ and that ‘kings will fall and rivers will run with blood.’ The fate of the world part is what people have interpreted.”
For a moment, I considered if she was right.
“Prophecies are neverthatstraightforward,” Domi interjected, snuffing the spark of hope Liliana’s words had given me.
