AllFreeNovel
Share Us
And most of all, Ruslan.
My tapping slowed, then stopped, as I realized the emotions that had sunk their claws into me at the beginning of our session no longer clung to me. Blinking rapidly, my lips dipped into a frown, and then my brows followed. “What–” I patted myself as if I were searching for something that was no longer with me.
“How are you feeling, Izidora?” Zuriel asked, hiding a smile.
Lighter.
Breathing easier.
Unburdened.
Less fractured.
“Holy fuck,” I whispered, my hurried movements ceasing. “Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?”
Zuriel nodded slowly, and a choked sob rose from within as the realization settled over me. “It's like it was never there at all,” I murmured, fresh tears coating my lashes and a wide smile breaking across my face. “It’s like I was wearing a heavy jacket and suddenly I no longer need it. It’s like this weight has been lifted from me, and I no longer need to carry it. Oh my Goddess, Zuriel, is this really possible? It’s not just going to come back in an hour?”
“This is possible, Izidora. The more you continue to do it, the more you will feel settled and whole in your body,” Zuriel noted. “Though, you will feel raw and more emotional while this work continues. The little things will continue to trigger you, and you might find it more difficult to rein in your emotions. It's especially important that you continue to focus on shielding from everyone else’s emotions, so you don’t get them confused with your own fresh ones.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, sinking into the feeling of ease in my body that I’d never possessed before. It was as if the shattered pieces of me had been restored to their original pristineness, the crack never there to begin with. When my mind returned to that fateful day when my caretaker was dragged away from me, terror no longer speared its cold embrace into me; instead, I watched the scene unfold as if it were happening to someone else. My body did not react with the instinctual need to fight or to flee, but remained grounded in the present moment, the rock I sat on digging into my butt and the tip of my nose turning cold.
If this was possible after a single session over a single memory, what was possible with more?
“Thank you, Zuriel,” I said, leaping forward and embracing my cousin.
“You are welcome, Izidora,” he replied, returning the hug.
I was simultaneously giddy and exhausted when I pulled away. The Angel glanced overhead, then around us, where smoke billowed from chimneys and doors began creaking open. “I think it's about time that we return to Ryza Citadel. Do you need a few minutes to collect yourself?”
“No,” I answered, then hopped down from the rock, my legs protesting momentarily as the blood returned to them. I wiggled my toes in the fur-lined boots Ruslan had gifted me, savoring the warmth they provided, then trekked back to Mistik and Twilight, the snow crunching with every step and pulling a giggle from my chest. My mare snorted and then bumped me with her nose when I greeted her, in much better spirits than when I had left her before. Her eyes seemed to sparkle with the change in me, and she nuzzled into my jacket as I petted her dappled hide.
“Zuriel, I just can’t believe it,” I repeated when we mounted the horses and turned them toward the city.
An amused chuckle was his response. “It makes me happy to see that you are feeling better. I am glad I could help.”
My throat thickened. “You have, so much.”
This session hadn’t fixed me by any means, but it had begun stripping away the barriers that prevented me from processing and healing from all the trauma. I would do whatever it took to have the freedom I so desperately craved, even if the path toward it was as painful as everything that had already happened. Steeled in my decision, I dried my eyes, lifted my chin, and returned to the citadel with my head held high.
13
Béke Day Three
My head pounded. Or was that the door? I groaned as I pushed myself upright. Nope, definitely both. “Endre, go get the door,” I moaned as I flopped back against the pillows. The pounding sounded again. “Endre,” I smacked his side of the bed, only to find it empty.
“Liliana, do you want to miss the spa day or not?”
Was Domi’s voice always this shrill?
“Coming!” I shouted, then groaned as the sound sent shooting pain through my ears and into my shoulders. “Fuck me,” I swore as I slid from the bed, my head fuzzy and mouth dry. I stumbled to the bathroom, yelping when the bright light hit my eyes. My head felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly. I gulped down water from the basin, my thirst nearly unquenchable, then took in my appearance. My hair and makeup were a mess, lip stain smeared across my cheek, black circling my eyes. I washed my face quickly in the sink, removing all trace of color, then combed my fingers through the mess of waves that clumped together. I found a loose tunic and leggingson the floor of the bathroom and yanked them on quickly as another knock sounded on the bedroom door. My jacket rested near the foot of the bed, and I grabbed that too, shrugging it on and fastening it quickly.
“Almost ready!” I called as I burst into the room, bringing the sun with me. There was no sign of the males, and my fuzzy brain reminded me that they’d gone out for a hunt this morning.
“You were out late again last night,” Domi observed as she led us from the apartment and out into the hallway.
“Yeah, we went out with Slavian and Anton again.”
Domi snorted, “That much is obvious. You reek of them and–” she sniffed the air around me, “herbs?”
