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Was it the years of abuse that caused his stormy nature to call to me more than a male who made me feel safe?
My earlier plan to gain strength and skill, to allow Ruslan to forge me into a weapon and then to turn that weapon on him, felt shakier with each passing hour. But no male would control me again, and if that was Ruslan’s goal, he’d meet my wrath. So, I would gain his trust and learn more about the Félvér, all while plotting my revenge against the Iron Realm. Unfortunately, that meant showing him affection and spending time with him – both of which had led to me opening my heart as we shared story after story of those small moments that had birthed the demons that still haunted us both.
I was loath to lock away those parts of me that had burst from the thick stone wall I erected to hide from my abuse. I loved who I was becoming, and I was tired of doing what I had to do to survive. This dance with Ruslan was as familiar to me as breathing, for I had lived my whole life playing this game. I knew I would endure my time here, simply because I was willing to do anything to survive.
But would my spirit survive with me?
Playing the game wasn’t the part that worried me – losing myself to it was.
“Where did you go?” he asked, his eyes curious, albeit tense at the corners.
He broke my internal battle like it was glass, and my attention snapped back to the food and male in front of me. “I was thinking about how I’ve never been given flowers before.” Not totally true, there were flowers waiting everywhere I went in the Night Realm, and I used them often in my hair before we reached Vaenor. “I’ve never really been wined and dined likethis, either. It’s nice.” I lifted my glass to my lips, ready to taste what I was sure was an expensive wine.
His smoky eyes glittered with amusement. “We will have to make up for lost time. I will plan a date for us every evening, so we have time to get to know each other before our wedding.”
I spluttered the purple liquid over the white plates in front of me as I choked on his words. “Wedding?” I managed to sound out through my coughs.
“Of course, now that you are here, why wait? It will be the grandest royal wedding in centuries. I have it planned for the final eve of the year, during Béke. All the realms will be gathered in Radence anyway, so there would be no need for them to make another trip.” He sipped from his wine like I hadn’t just painted the table with it.
Fucking Fates, I’d forgotten all about Béke, and that the Iron Realm would be hosting.
An opportunity to slip away.
A fervent hope that Kazimir and my friends were headed to the Iron Realm with a plan settled into my heart, but I couldn’t allow Ruslan to see that hope filling me with light, so I scowled at him. “And I get no say in this? You know I am a princess, right? And now that King Zalan is dead, probably a queen.”
He relaxed in his seat, legs spreading wide even beneath the tablecloth. “Of course, you can plan the decor, your dress, the menu, or whatever other things females like to plan about weddings. But the date, venue, and guest list are already set.”
I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest, wine glass still in hand while I mulled over my response. I had to play along to earn his trust. “Fine, but I need to see the venue to plan the rest. And I’ll need the best cloth weavers you have to design the dress. It’s a shame the females who designed the gown you destroyed can’t create my wedding dress as well. They wouldhave made me look divine.” I sighed wistfully, truly wishing they could design another beautiful gown for me.
“I can make it happen,” he said a little too casually, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“How?”
“I’ll offer them a lot of money, and if they refuse, I’ll just bring them here anyway.” He shrugged like he hadn’t just suggested taking them against their will.
“Kidnapping? What is wrong with you?” I seethed, my teeth clenched and lips pulled back as I wished he would spontaneously burst into flames.
He bared his teeth, his eyes flashing black as the beast within surfaced. “I –always– get what I want,” he growled. “And if my mate, my future wife, wants the females who make the best dresses in the land, then she will have that.”
I tore my gaze away and toward my food, picking up a knife and fork to cut into the roasted chicken, which smelled heavenly – even though I was certain I was in hell. Without deigning to respond or give Ruslan any attention, I ate quickly, uncertain whether we would finish the meal with the overpowering tension between us.
Ruslan’s hand covered mine just as I was about to cut into a large carrot. Stilling, I peeked under my lashes to find his face relaxed and easy, his earlier rage vanishing like smoke in the wind. “I want to make you happy, Izidora.”
“Kidnapping innocents would not make me happy. Don’t you see that? I would be perpetuating what happened to me. When I was a baby,” I added quickly as his eyes flashed again.
He nodded, as if he understood my perspective. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it that way. Of course you wouldn’t wish for anyone else to go through what you went through in your childhood. I feel the same.”
“Will you tell me about your childhood?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
His eyes lost their shine, and his shoulders sagged as if his memories were a heavy burden. “It is not a pleasant story, and certainly not a topic for a date.”
I gave him a soft smile. “I’m here to listen whenever you are ready.”
He nodded, then dug into his own food, head still drooped slightly. “You know, no other female has ever set foot in here. I saved it for you. I wanted it to be special, for us.”
In that moment, he sounded so much like a lost, sad child that my heart broke for him. His previous comments about wanting to be loved mirrored the ones I had made to Kazimir time and time again. As much as I wanted to hate him, to steel my heart against him, to play this game without feeling, I couldn’t. Not when I understood his trauma, so similar to my own.
We did have more in common than I thought.
