AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Soul!” DJ says as soon as he sees me. “Did you hear that? We’re gonna have to play that beat during offering time, huh? Cedric was going crazy on the drums!”
“Yes, he was,” I say, grinning, placing my stuff on one of the choir stand pews. “Play some more of it,” I say, giving them my full attention. I begin singing the song playing in my head to the music they are playing, and we have an impromptu concert. The choir members aren’t due for another half hour or so, so we take this time to play and have some fun. We come early to practice the music and iron things out before everyone else gets here. It makes it easier when I am teaching new songs. We get to the part of the song where the lead needs to drive the song, it’s all impromptu ad-libbing and this is where you can really get the church going. I begin ad-libbing, the music is heavy, and then I hear it, or should I say I hear him, driving the song with me. Turning, I watch him walk up the center aisle singing with me, and it’s like miles and years hadn’t separated us. We sing together as naturally as breathing. I don’t know how long we sing that song but the next thing I know, I hear the choir backing us, well, part of the choir but as more come in they join right in, and it is a free-for-all. No direction, no preplanning, it's all happening in the moment. The singing portion of the song is over but the musicians keep playing, and someone presses my tambourine in my hand, and I start playing with the musicians, sparking another round of singing. This time it’s Gabe by himself. Finally, after I don’t know how long, we end the song and I realize not only are my parents there but so are Gabe’s, and a good number of church members have come, too.
“My goodness, Soul and Gabe, y’all were singing that song like you were right at the pearly gates and were accompanying the saints marching on through!” my dad says, making everyone laugh. Our parents got to talking, giving Gabe the opportunity to turn to me.
“Can we talk?”
“Um, I really don’t have time right now. I have taken up most of choir rehearsal with that song.”
“Soul,” he says, knowing that was a bull shit excuse.
“I’m busy, Gabe, and we said everything that needed to be said eighteen years ago.”
“Look me in the eyes, standing inside this church and tell me that again,” he demands. Looking him in the eyes, I press my lips together.
“I thought so,” he releases a deep breath. “I am singing Sunday and then I’ll be leaving and most likely never coming back. I would like for you to come.”
“I don’t know, Gabe,” I chew on my bottom lip.
“Well, I hope to see you there.” Turning on his heels he goes to say goodbye to the musicians, choir, and our parents before leaving. Once the door closes, I feel like I could finally take a real breath again, but I am so conflicted. I want to go see him, and I want to talk to him, but I am afraid of what that would mean and where that would leave me.When did I become such a coward?I don’t have the answer for that, but in this case being a coward isn’t such a bad thing.
Gabe
I haven’t been to service here in so long but I fell into it like I never left. I have a church home back home but it’s nothing like being back where I grew up.
“Even though I have been retired for a whole week now, I was granted permission to have one last service today. I had the opportunity to talk with my son and reconcile things with him, to ask for not only God’s forgiveness but his, too. And he agreed to come to service today and even sing again, so we are in for a treat,” my dad says and I almost feel bad about the scene I caused last week. I get up, and take the mike looking at the musicians, but this is a song we have done several times, so I am confident we’ll be fine.
Several minutes in, and it is just like old times. I am having a great time. I’ve even messed up the words a few times and laughed at myself as the choir continues to sing completely unfazed by my mistakes. I notice her when I am at the end of the first song, she’s sitting all the way in the back of the church almost completely hidden. When the song ends, I start another, one that Soul and I used to sing one too many of those late nights together by the lake. I see her head pop up, eyes wide, looking at me, shaking her head. Making my way down the aisle I reach her just as it’s time for her to sing her part and push the other microphone I grabbed in her hand as I wait with baited breath to see if she’ll sing. I don’t have to wait long before her beautiful voice floats to me, taking up the song easily. The choir and congregation back us up. It is a great time. Before I want, the song is over, and she rushes out before I can talk to her.You can run but you can’t hide. Soul and I are going to have a conversation before I leave here. I shake hands and hug so many people after service, I feel like I am running for office. My parents and I go to dinner afterward, my treat. I am glad I came home if for no other reason than making amends with my father. When dinner is over, I hug both of them, saying goodbye and gaining a promise from them to come visit me soon. I will be here for another day or so, however long it takes to track down the slippery Soul and have a long overdue conversation. Soul has never been a dare devil type of a girl. She was more play it safe but I have never known her to be a downright coward, but the way she has been running I don’t know what else to call her. Luckily for her, I don’t give up easily.
??
CHAPTER12
Soul
“Have you lost your rabbit ass mind!?”
“Can you not use that type of language in my house, please?”
“Get the fuck outta here with that! This is me, Serenity. The same one who gave you condoms when you fast-ass turned sixteen. Condoms, I might add that didn’t come back home with you. The same sister whose shoulder you cried on for months after that man left you, and I told you then you were a damn fool for staying here.”
“But Daddy,” I try to explain.
“Has a wife, it was not your responsibility…”
“Of course you’d say that. You didn’t even attempt to stick around and help Mom and Dad. You’re selfish butt was too busy being in the streets.”
“You’re damn right I was! This is my life, Soul, mine, and I am going to live it the best way I want to! If I can’t be selfish with MY life, who can and who will? People will use you up all for their good, and when they are through with you, they will dump you as fast as they used you. And when I look back at my life, I am going to say I did everything I wanted to do, that I didn’t squander my life, and I have zero regrets. Mom and Dad are great parents, and a great Pastor and First Lady, but that is their life and their choice and it doesn’t have shit to do with me!”
“But, Sen, this is all I know,” I whisper one of the many fears to her.
“And that’s sad. You’re what thirty-four and all you know is church, choir rehearsal, and work. Girl, that’s a sad-ass life,”
“It’s enough for me,” I lie. She bursts out laughing at that.
“Then why am I here talking you off the ledge? Why are you standing there shaking in your boots? You want more, you’ve always wanted more, and you have been in love with that boy all your damn life, and from the sound of it he still loves you, too…”
“You think so?” I excitedly interrupt her. Looking at me with her lips twisted in a smirk, she simply says, “Mmm hmm. Talk to him, Soul, don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Let me ask you,” she says, interrupting whatever I was going to say when I opened my mouth. “Would you honestly be able to live with him leaving and you never talking to him or seeing him again? Or how would you feel if you heard through the grapevine that he was getting married? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You lost several shades of color. Talk to him, and do it honestly, Soul. Stop living this life for Mom and Dad. They’re old, they’ve lived their lives, and you have to live yours, too! Alright, I gotta go. I have a date tonight, and I got a full body wax. He’s been sniffing after me for a while now and I may let him into the promised land if he doesn’t piss me off too much. And don’t look at me like that. You need to let Gabe blow your back out. It’ll clear your mind and relieve some stress.” All I can do is shake my head as I wide eye blink at her. “Girl, grow up!”
