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Chapter Fifteen
Mako
How in the fuckdid that go from one hundred to zero in 2 seconds? There I was holding my mate, my fuckin mate dammit, talking about hopes, dreams and our relationship when the world crashed to nothing. I understood on the basest level he was new to everything outside his family home, but I couldn’t understand how he didn’t feel the connection deep down. He was still talking about paying us the money and moving away. Away from his family, I get, but away from me? Away from us? No way could I bring myself to even consider making him understand how I felt about him. It hit me hard, dead center. Around the fourth time I knotted him, I was in love with him. Like deep in love. Not the basic ‘I’d die for you’ love, but the all-encompassing ‘I’d kill for you’ love. The love that could consume you completely if you weren’t careful kind of love. Yeah, that couldn’t be healthy for anyone, especially him.
That kind of love came close to the disgusting shit his family did to him. Sure, it came from a different place, but when onthe receiving end of it, it was hard to tell the difference. Gramps warned me years ago about that shit.“How you love is just as important as who you love, boy. Best remember that. There’s a fine line between protecting and smothering, and it’s a line you’ll walk every day once you meet your fated mate. Every Alpha instinct you have will tell you to lock them away to keep them safe but understand that part of being safe is also being happy.”I heard that every time mates came up when I was a teen. I heard it whenever he felt like rambling, as he called it, until he died.
Pops rarely brought up the mate thing. Around the time I was born, he gave up on finding his. He ran the club after Gramps retired and used to joke that “she” was his fated mate. He lived, breathed and eventually bled for Rogue Nation. A few years ago, I resigned myself to that same fate, now all that had changed. Theo.
“Well, that can still be your plan. I mean, to move somewhere with your money where you’ll be safe and free. You aren’t required by law to be my mate.”The pain in my chest could only be described as a shattered heart. Who knew that emotional feelings could give physical pain like that?“I think you took what I was saying the wrong way. I can’t and won’t force you to be my mate, and I understand why you would turn me away. I’m not good enough for you. You’re pure light and I’m walking darkness. I try to be good, honest and true, but there are times I’ve done things that go against that.”I got up from the bed and took a few steps away.
“Mako.”I couldn’t even look him in the face. For the first time in my life, I felt like a coward.
Holding my hands up in surrender“No, Theo, I’ll head downstairs and let you shower and get some rest. You’ve had a rough few days and you need to heal completely. I will ask that you make an appearance tomorrow for church, I mean,our club meeting. We’re going to vote on the best way to handle your family to ensure your safety while making sure everyone else in town stays safe. I’ll send Owen up in a bit to check on you and see if you need anything.”I turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes and began walking out of the room to the front door. I would never have the chance to hold him and tell him to his face, so I said, “I love you,” as I closed the door behind me. At least I would know I said it to him. I could hold on to that for the rest of my life.
Once the door was closed, I leaned my head against it, hoping I could still feel the pull he had on my heart and soul, but all I felt was lonely and empty. Regret churned in my stomach, knowing that I was the unworthy bastard that took his virginity. The one thing that he could truly say that was his and only his in his life. Yep, I was that alpha now. The one who couldn’t control his baser urges. All I fuckin did was take because I truly had nothing worthwhile to give. I never thought of myself that way, but I was a fool. Apparently, I was a bastard too, because part of me refused to regret it. I love him and I will until the day I die. Somewhere in there, I could have made a joke about my right hand being my fated mate, but no part of me was sure I would ever ‘rise’ to the occasion again. I was fucked, and not in the fun way.
Amid my little pity party in the hallway, I heard my Pop’s voice“Never let them see you in pain, son. They’ll use it against you. Life is shit sometimes and we have to play the hand we’re dealt, so fuckin play it to the best of your ability. Shake it off and move on. The Club, boy. She’ll always be there for you. She’ll love you, protect you, and feed your soul. Keep her healthy and she’ll be all you ever need.”
With that memory, I stood tall, squared my shoulders, and schooled my face. No one will know what happened, well, no one but Bear and Teach, and that’s because they were the only oneswho knew about me and Theo. I knew they’d ask questions. Time to ride, get this shit out of the way, and never mention it again. I walked down the stairs into the main room, searching the guys out with my eyes. “You and you,” pointing at Teach and Bear, “Time to ride.” Without breaking stride, I headed to the front door of the clubhouse. Without turning around, I said, “Owen! In check on Theo, get some food into him and make sure he has anything he wants.” I strolled out the door without looking back.
Not even the roar and rumble of my girl between my legs could mellow my mood.‘Fuck, what if this shit has killed the one thing I enjoy more than anything? Nope, I killed that all by myself. Theo was the one thing I enjoyed most now, and it was something I’d never have again, so that was that.’Didn’t that just fit tonight’s theme perfectly? Dust, dirt, and gravel kicked from my tire as I pulled out of the lot.
I love to say that I could look at the passing trees and scenery without thinking how feasible it would be to gently swerve and hit something head on. That would be it. Lights out. No more worry, no more pain, just no more. Bear could lead just fine without me. I was a coward, after all. Wasn’t that the coward’s way out? Then I thought of Theo. He may not want to be my mate and he may not love me, but he was good and kind. Would he think I died because I wasn’t paying attention to the road because I was thinking about him? The guilt he’d feel. I couldn’t do that to him. Nope, a quick death was out of the question. Besides that, mate or no, love or not, I would make his family pay for every wrong that ever came Theo’s way because of them. Now, that was something to live for. Beyond that, who knows?
Just as the sun set, and the world became that blue/purple shade of twilight, where you could just glimpse the setting sun and the brightest stars I pulled off the road. I couldn’t really tell anyone where we were because I honestly wasn’t paying attention. Random roads and turns guided me to where I stoodnow. We were close to the shore because I could hear the waves lapping at a beach and smell the salt spray in the air. Beyond those things, I didn’t care.
Bear and Teach dismounted their bikes. Bear spoke first. “So…”
Looking up at the sky wondering if I could count the stars this early in the evening “So, he rejected me, that’s so…” I heard the clang of metal hitting rocks.
“FUCK!” I heard Bear yell, and I turned around. He had laid his bike down. None too gently, from what I could tell. “He WHAT?”
“NO!” Teach yelled. “He wouldn’t do that.” He stared at me as if I grew a second head outta my asshole. “You misunderstood Mako. I saw his face. He’s yours and you’re his.”
“I doubt I misunderstood him offering to pay us for his rescue and making plans to move somewhere where he could be a safe and ‘free’ omega.” I shook my head at him, my body from vibrating with anger. This wasn’t his fault. Breaking into a fistfight with my brothers would do more harm than good.
“Doesn’t he understand we can keep him safe and with us he would always be free?” Leave it to Bear to be the logical brother, yet again. Sure, he looked like he ate rusty nails for breakfast and shit out live ammo before dinner, but beneath it all, he was calm and collected under pressure. He was my strength when I was in doubt, and right now, I was a rolling boulder of doubt. I shrugged my shoulders and turned my back again to study the stars.
I heard the crunch of gravel and felt a gentle hand lay on my shoulder. “Brother, as much as I know you don’t want to, I think you need to tell us what was said. All of it, every word. If we come to the same conclusion you did, then we’ll never speak of it again. We can get him out and let him go on his way to a safe and free life like he wants.” Aww fuck, Teach was just like goddessdamned Bear. I was fighting a losing battle. I couldn’t remember why I wanted both of them with me tonight. Fuckers were gonna gang up on me. No hiding my loser cowardice ways now.
We sat side by side facing the direction the sound of the waves came from. It calmed me knowing that not too far away was infinite depth and beauty. That’s how Gramps saw the ocean, which is why he settled here when he started the club. One of his favorite things to do was to find an empty beach and sit for hours watching the waves and the horizon. He used to say that everything was connected by those waves, and anything was possible beyond the horizon. I so much wanted that to be true. I waited a few minutes for complete darkness. Only the stars would see my tears, my brothers never would. My secrets could be carried away on the salt kissed breeze, gone forever. When this was done, it was done. “Well, you guys left the room, and we were sitting on the bed…” Tears rolled down my cheeks as the words flowed from my lips, not that anyone could tell by my voice.
I’ve got no idea how long I talked. I finally fell silent, and Bear laid his hand on my shoulder. “No offense here, boss, but you’re a fuckin idiot.”
I opened my mouth to speak, before I got a word out, Teach barked out a loud laugh. “Goddess Bear, I’m fuckin glad you said it and not me. Fucker would gut my ass.”
“True,” Bear huffed a laugh. “Eddie, did he say the word reject?”
“No, of course not. He was being nice.” At least I saw the reasoning in my justification.
“Mako, did you actually listen to him?” Teach spoke softly.
“Of course I did, Brother.” The last word came out with a bit more venom than intended, and I winced.
Teach went on, “I’m gonna let that one slide, one cuz you’re my President and two cuz you really are my brother. I say thiswith love, man. I agree with Bear. You, sir, are a fuckin idiot. Theo was raised with minimal social interaction with people outside his fucked-up family. He’s only seen two ways out of his situation since he understood the circumstances. Years, Mako. Fuckin YEARS. Escape to somewhere far away that was safe or death. When he originally met you, what was he resigned to? I know him. Tell me if you know him as well.”
I hung my head at the memory, “He said more than once he was ready to die and ask me to please don’t let it hurt. He couldn’t stand the idea of the pain.”
