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But I don’t.
Instead, I rely on football to carry me through the weeks without her.
I force my focus on the field instead of searching out red hair in the stands during our home games. I wait until I’m the last player in the locker room so I can leave without running into her.
I get to know Xavier Thomas. I touch base with him daily, and we take an extra half hour after practice almost every day to talk. Sometimes it’s about respect in the locker room, sometimes it’s about mindset, sometimes it’s about how to make better decisions. Coming from someone who’s made some pretty shitty decisions, it feels like I’m getting through to the kid.
And when Jaxon Bryant comes up to me after practice and thanks me for all my work with Xavier, I know I’m doing something right. I know I’m leaving the kind of impression I intended to in the locker room.
But as the weeks seem to fly by, one thing is certain.
I’m in love with her. Hopelessly, endlessly, and pitifully.
But at this point, I don’t even know if she’d want to take me back.
When the plane lands in Vegas on a Sunday evening after our game in Jacksonville, it’s officially the start of our bye week.
I spend the week at a quiet retreat in the mountains of Vegas by myself to reset, and when Sunday rolls around, I know how I want to spend the rest of my time off.
I finally gather up the courage to get in touch.
Me:I miss you. I’m sorry for running scared, but I need to see you. Are you around?
And then I wait for an answer that doesn’t come until morning.
Chapter 40: Desiree Dixon
He Kind of Has it Coming
I stare at my phone as I lay in bed. I have no idea how to respond, and maybe I would if I didn’t have the worst stomach flu in the history of the stomach flu attacking my body right now.
I toss my phone on my nightstand and beg for sleep to wash over me, but it doesn’t. Instead, my stomach rolls, and I get up and slowly drag myself over to the bathroom to try to heave, but there’s nothing left in the well.
I slide down the bathroom wall and hope for sleep to hit me there, but it doesn’t.
I’m still in San Diego even though I started my position with the Aces over a month ago. Angelica talked me into changing my contract to a consultant rather than leaving altogether, and since the Aces are allowing me to work from home anyway, I didn’t see the point in uprooting my life when I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid Asher Nash.
Erin is cool with me commuting to town when I have big events, but my parents don’t really seem to get why I changed my mind.
It’s fine. They don’t need to. I’ve told them I haven’t found the right place yet, and I’ve left it at that.
I spent a little time planning the foundation for Asher, but since he ended things, I put that project on the backburner.
I force myself to my feet, and I head to the kitchen to get some water. I take tiny sips as I head back to my bedroom, and then I toss and turn as I wait for sleep that never comes.
When morning dawns, I don’t feel much better, but I suppose I should reply to Asher.
Me:I’m actually not around. I’m in San Diego.
I leave it at that, but he doesn’t let me get away with it.
My phone rings a few seconds after I send the text, and I blow out a breath. He knows I’m here since I just texted him, so it’s not like I can ignore him.
“Hi,” I answer.
“Hey. You’re in San Diego…like for the day?” he asks.
“No. I never moved to Vegas. I still live here.”
