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Rae blinks. “You’d come to France?” He shakes his head at himself just as quickly and says, “Of course you would,” and we kiss for so long that I only break off when the cab reaches St. Pancras.
I walk with him as far as I can into the station.
We both stop, other Eurostar travellers parting around us like water while Rae asks, “You’ll let me know what happens?” He slides closer. Touches my forehead with his. “Tell me everything about your tests, Hayden. Pass or fail. Good news or bad. Easy or hard decisions. I want to hear it all.”
“You will.” I’m done with holding anything in. I’m also done with holding anything back. “I’ll call you every night, yeah. Tell you a bedtime story. So fucking proud yours is going to be printed.” I also repeat what Sol told me. “The miles don’t have to matter.”
His hand holds mine. Our fingers thread. He says, “Love you,” and then he’s gone, washed along by a current that carries him away from me, but that’s okay.
I’ve waded through water for him before, haven’t I?
When it comes to Rae, nothing can stop this giant.
EPILOGUE
Springtime at Glynn Harber
HAYDEN
Sound travels a long way in Glynn Harber’s valley. This group of hopeful student teachers can’t know that or they’d realise their voices also carry. I can hear some of their conversation from all the way across the clearing.
“I can’t see how this fits the curriculum, can you?” one of them asks another. “What is he actually doing?”
This candidate isn’t asking about me or about my mentor. His gaze is fixed on Asa, who has had the same growth spurt as every tree here now that winter is over. He’s flourishing, and I love to see it.
I don’t love to hear this said about my star student.
“Why don’t they make him pay attention? Both of the teachers are just letting him do whatever he wants.”
Being called a teacher is still new. My training has barely started. I’m taking this journey slowly, which suits me now a Doomsday clock isn’t ticking towards a diagnosis that used toscare me shitless—that terrified me into making hay for loved ones, even if it wasn’t what they ever needed from me. These student teachers hoping to ace their interviews and to score a spot here aren’t aware I’m barely more qualified than them, but here is something I don’t need a certificate to know all the way down to my bone marrow: Being here for three whole seasons has taught me how every brain is different and that Asa’s brain is wired for motion.
These observers also can’t know he’s worked hard all morning at sitting still and listening; at focussing on his work and not being a distraction to himself or to others in his classroom. This constant movement? It is vital to his self-regulation and is exactly what his brain needs to be ready for more classroom successes.
My bruised brain?
It needs the opposite to Asa’s giddy spinning, which Mitch mentions, and for once, his voice doesn’t boom out. Not because this is a secret. I’m done with keeping those from anybody. Mitch only murmurs instead of booming because he’s protective.
About me.
“You keep your arse parked exactly where it is.” He gets up from his crouch by my throne and lands a heavy hand on my shoulder to keep me seated and to drive his point home. Then he assigns a child to each prospective student teacher and comes back to me while the kids are busy showing off their knowledge. “Remind me why you’re taking it easy, big man.”
This is what Mitch does every single time he sees me fight what has actually been my key to healing. And that is what I’ve done since a whirlwind arrived in Cornwall at the end of last summer to draw me with bowed broad shoulders and burrs in my beard. I’ve had time to recover lately after taking a long and honest look at what Rae’s storybook mirror showed me. Now I get honest right in front of someone I used to hide from. “I’mtaking it slow because Rae is coming home for the ceremony tomorrow.”
Tomorrow.
Part of me is beyond excited. Another part of me is nervous. Not about seeing Rae for the first time in over a month. I’ve got the collywobbles about planting a new time capsule with the whole school and some special guests watching.
I didn’t understand why Luke made organising this special event my job until I’d spent the winter collecting memories from each student and teacher at Glynn Harber to go inside it. Luke selected me as captain of the time-capsule project to weave me into the rest of his school. I can put a name to every single face here now. They are all my people, and these student teachers Mitch checks in on before he returns to my throne will be lucky to join a team like it.
His hand is heavy on my shoulder again as I admit, “I wanted to make sure everything was prepared. For the ceremony. And for Rae.”
“Because?” Mitch rumbles even though he already knows this answer. We’ve all seen the news. Rae’s never-ending tide of kids shows no sign of stopping.
“Because he needs a chance to recharge, you know? In a way that works the fastest for him because he won’t stay still for long. Which is why I went down to the headland last night to prep somewhere peaceful for him.” Mitch nods, so I guess he understands Asa isn’t alone in needing fresh air and space to decompress. Rae does as well. “I want him to have a good visit, and I don’t want to miss a moment of it.” Not when he’ll leave again just as quickly. “But last night, I tried to do too much after working all day, so I had to stop before I was finished.”
“Why?” Mitch asks quietly. Again, we both know this answer, but Mitch joining the ranks of my best coaches means I can say this and still feel accepted.
“Because injured brains need less stress and more rest. Need care, not extra pressure. I need to pace myself better than I used to.” I draw in a deep breath and make an honest self-assessment. “I’m good to go now. Thanks for coming to help, Mitch. It’s been a good session.”
