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I’m pretty sure Luke must say something. I don’t hear what; my internal cheer is still deafening. I only realise Luke has left us—is already striding away across the car park towards the waiting students—when Rae closes the distance between us, that worry back in those wide eyes of his. “I didn’t know if you’d still be here, so that was all a bit spur of the moment. I mean, I’d been thinking it. I hadn’t meant to say it, that’s all. Not without checking if it’s something you’d want.”
Rae runs a hand through his hair like he must have done all the way back from London, worrying about my answer. “Because we’d have to spend a lot of time together, yeah? And there’s a big difference between copping off with your plus-one at a wedding compared to finding out they’ll be around twenty-four seven. At workandat home.”
“No. I?—”
I don’t get to tell him that he wouldn’t get the chance to crowd me at the stables. Rae butts in with a ready-made contingency plan.
“Sol’s got a spare room. Think he’d actually like the company now that both his partner and nephew are away. And Reece could probably hook me up with a Polish speaker from his Safe Harbour project. No problem if you’re too busy to help me.”
I know when someone is covering worry by sounding easygoing. Heard it from my stepmum enough times to recognise Rae doing the same, so I get my arse in gear and use the book I still carry as inspiration.
“Come with me for a minute.” He follows me to the library where I don’t even wait for the door to close before explaining. “I only said no because Rowan lives on-site during term time.” I also catch hold of Rae’s wrist with my free hand and tug himcloser and tell him, “Don’t ask Reece for anyone else.” And I like this smile a whole lot better.
He keeps smiling while asking questions, which clues me into what Luke must have told him while I wasn’t listening. “You already got Luke to agree to you running some nature classes?”
I’ve never been more relieved that I bit the bullet about admitting to a failed test. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t get to say this. “Yeah, I’ll be here for longer, like you.”
He’s instantly sunny. “Look at you, getting everything you wanted while I was away.”
I have now that he’s back to happy instead of worried. He’s also back to being intent on me, not even seeming to notice the book I hold between us, and I don’t know when I raised it like a shield, or why. I don’t need protection from someone who came back with a plan for me, even if it was impulsive.
This is equally hasty. I shove that book covered with stars onto a shelf and pull him even closer. We’re chest-to-chest in an empty room where our voices might echo if I spoke any louder. “I did want something else.” His eyes dance so I keep going. “Your phone number.”
He grins, and we swap. Then it’s his turn to ask a quiet question. “You want anything else from me, Hayden?”
I do.
I kiss him, and he kisses me back, thank fuck, only it isn’t as good as I remember.
It’s even better.
His mouth on mine comes with a slick and familiar slide of his tongue that I open up for. Reciprocating is so, so easy, like we’ve done this plenty instead of only before a wedding, then during a hurried night together followed by an even more rushed goodbye at a station.
He’s back now, and a crowd roars for a third time. Not for real. Only in my head, where that roar turns thunderous the moment he sucks on my tongue.
I’m back in a honeymoon tent with him then instead of a school library, which is the worst place to remember what else he last sucked for me, and Jesus, I can’t get hard here.
I can’t.
I mean, I shouldn’t, but his arms tighten around my neck, and it’s what I want more than anything. His mouth. His lips. That tongue mapping me and getting busy. I want it all, and for once I’m actually getting everything on my wish list.
Or I would if we were somewhere I could slide a bolt home behind us.
His hands roam somewhere we can’t get caught undoing buttons, and a groan of frustration slips out from me at having to slam on the brakes so soon after starting. He echoes it, chasing my lips to pick up where I left off kissing him, only this feels different so I crack one eye open.
That fucking smile.
I don’t even need to see his mouth to feel it. He’s so transparently happy, and here’s the problem with never usually being a long-term prospect—I didn’t know being wanted would feel like opening my chest with my own axe and bramble cutter. Those are my tools of choice to let light flood into dark and stunted places.
This blade between my ribs now?
It’s exactly what I’ve needed. I can’t get enough of him being as into me as I am into him. I need him even closer, not lurching away like he surprises me next by doing.
Rae moves fast.
One moment we’re connected, the next he grabs a book, shoves it into my hands, and points at a page as if it’s why we stand so close together that our shoes dovetail.
I used to have quick reactions.
