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“What? What didn’t you mean, Emiana? To barge in here after you were told to stay away?” he roared. “To assume that just because I like fucking you, my people and my castle are yours to dictate and trample on!” His lips twisted. “Or did you not mean to delude yourself into believing I’d actually fall for you?”
My heart stopped hearing the sweet words I whispered to him thrown back at me.
“Get this into your fucking head,” he hissed. “Nothing in my kingdom is yours to do as you see fit. Not my people. Not my castle. And not my heart!”
Tears blinded me. “But, Alisdair—”
“GET OUT!”
He released me and I ran. Bursting out the door, I crashed into the wall, cracking my head, but still I kept going—tripping down the steps, shoving through the crack in the walls, and bolting through the castle, my sobs bouncing through the halls.
I ran and didn’t stop running until I threw myself outside and was smacked by the cold, bracing air. Picking up my skirts, I raced through the snow and flowers—disappearing past the tree line into the dark.
THE NEXT DAY, I STAYEDfar away from Alisdair—gritting my teeth against the blinding agony tearing apart my leg. I didn’t care. The pain was nothing compared to what I felt every time Alisdair’s words roared through my head.
It was as though he shoved his fist down inside of me and tore everything out. I was an empty shell of a stupid girl who deluded herself into thinking she was falling in love.
The proof of that was knowing that Alisdair could smell me hiding out in Riordan’s horse stall, surrounded by the gentle, curious creatures, but he didn’t come. He didn’t come to speak to me, apologize, or relieve the pain he knew I was feeling—in my leg or in my heart.
Because he didn’t say a word he didn’t mean,a small voice whispered.You don’t apologize for the truth.
It was my fault for believing anything had changed between us. He liked fucking me—that didn’t and never had amounted to love.
Kirwan loved bedding Mama. He didn’t loveher. Salman loved nothing more than romping with his harem at the end of the day, but would as soon slit their throats if a single one of them looked at him wrong.
Sex wasn’t love. I knew it. It was drilled into my head before I could walk. And still I let myself believe a heartless man would be an exception to the rule.
I choked on a sob, curling tighter on the hay bale. “He’s never g-going to love me,” I whispered to my silent audience. “He’ll never free me. I will live the rest of my days as a cold and hateful queen married to a colder and more hateful king, and everything I was...” I thought of Sheena. Of the sweet, talented, beautiful singer. “Gone.”
I raised my head, receiving a compassionate headbutt from the mare sharing her stall with me. Back I tipped my head, gazing through the roof slats to the heavens.
“Yes, yes,” I said softly. “I understand, Mother Meya. Never let it be said you had to tell me your will twice.”
It was a long time before I dragged myself to the castle. Yes, dragged. My leg was a useless stump trailing behind me, screaming to be cut off.
Eventually I staggered through the castle doors and crawled up the steps to our bedroom. Alisdair reclined in an armchair, sipping a mug of ale, and gazing out at a hidden sunset like nothing ever happened. He cast me a cursory glance when I fell through the doors, near in tears when the pain finally eased.
“Princess,” he drawled. “Nice of you to return. Did you enjoy your time in the stables?”
I shoved up and locked on to the mess in the mirror. Hay stuck to every inch of her, as clingy as the stink of manure and the redness of my eyes and cheeks. “I did, as it happens.” My voice was a thin rasp. “It was very illuminating. Gave me a chance to clear my head.”
He studied me, face unreadable. “I assume we understand each other now.”
“We do.”
“And me,” he repeated, force bleeding into the word. “Do you understandme?”
I raised my chin. “More than ever, Alisdair. Shall we?”
“Shall we what?”
A smile broke out on my lips. Closing the distance, I peeled off my clothes—raising his brows higher. “Shall we make up?”
Alisdair didn’t move. “What is this?”
“What do you mean? I had time to think and you were right. I shouldn’t have been snooping,” I said. “Honestly, I didn’t mean to go up there again in the first place. It was strange. It was likesomething...” I tossed my head. “Anyway, it’s not a reason for us to fall out. I’ll respect your privacy from now on, and you’ll continue to worship at the altar of my pleasure.” I flicked his nose, giggling. “Everyone wins.”
“You’re certain,” he replied slowly. “There’s nothing more we need to discuss? You’re not going to yell, rant, or bite me like a rabid animal?”
