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Alisdair threw everything off the table and tossed me on, pouncing on me before I caught my breath. We mauled each other for hours—interrupted only by Foalan walking in, taking one look, and walking back out.
As Alisdair pressed my head to the table, pumping my ravaged hole from behind, I accepted that Aeris was right about everything.
I kept trying to make Alisdair fall in love with me through sex and lust, but that was never where he held back. His desire for me was obvious from that very first day in the carriage, and if that was enough to make him give his heart, I would already have it.
No. Somehow, I had to get through to the man who had told me nothing real or true about him since we met. I had to get him to open up to me. I had to make Alisdair Shadowsoul, the most feared man in Evla, vulnerable.
“WHAT ABOUT RAJADOM’Scouncilor?”
I reclined on my litter, snuggled under blankets and a raised roof on the snowy, bleak day. I demanded they added the roof when Alisdair announced we had to make a trip to a neighboring village, to speak to the person who’d help us find the right assassins for our plan.
“Why they can’t come to us, I have no idea,” I snapped at Alisdair. “We are their sovereigns. It’s offensive that I should be out in this cold, trekking miles to meet with a peasant.” I flicked the head of the servant carrying me. “Drink!”
Obediently they raised the tray holding my warm, spiced cider. I took a sip and hummed, getting comfortable against my pillows. I’d say something for the beasts, they knew how to treat their betters—
Stop it!my true voice blared.Get out of my head, you monster!
I tossed my head, coming out of the fog. It was getting harder and harder to know what was her and what was me, but those horrid thoughts—that could only be her.
“Excuse me,” I rasped, clutching my head. “That was rude. Thank you for the cider, Mavendale, and thank you all for carrying me. You can put me down now. My feet work just fine.”
“Are you sure, Lady Ana?” Eadaoin asked. “We don’t mind.”
“I’m sure.” My voice was firm. “I’ll walk.”
Even though nothing but Alisdair declaring his love for the true me could break the curse, it was clear that indulging the things Emiana would do made it harder for me to remember where she ended and I began. I had to cling to me. Behave as I would behave. Do what only I would do.
Remember the ones I love.
“Sorry, Foalan. What were you saying?”
“Rajadom,” he prompted, falling in step with me and Alisdair.
Obviously, we weren’t announcing our military strategy out in the open, but there was no harm in discussing what I knew about the other kingdoms and their rulers. And Emiana knew quite a lot.
More proof Salman was a fool to dismiss the silent, watching listener sitting in the background during all of theirroyal summits and discussions. He handed her everything she needed to bring about his downfall, and it was clear from her memories, King Salman’s downfall was what she wanted most. She probably would’ve summoned the courage to assassinate him herself one day, if he hadn’t sold her off to the kingdom of Wind and Wild.
“Chancellor Mahoun is difficult,” I said. “Paranoid. Untrusting. The times he visited my father in Lyrica, he’d only eat food prepared by his own servants, and would let no one but them wait on him. He also prefers men. Male lovers. Male servants. Male advisors. And only the comeliest. He has a wife, but after securing the line with four sons, she took up residence in the winter palace and they live separate lives.”
I didn’t say more, since Foalan was wise enough to draw his own conclusions on how difficult that would make it to get a woman close to him.
“Is there a way?” Foalan asked simply.
I opened my mouth to say I didn’t know, then the answer came to me—easily supplied by Emiana’s memories. “Guilt,” I blurted. “He is a staunch and devoted worshipper of Mother Meya, and deep down, he believes the All Mother will punish all of Elva for what we’ve done to her daughters.
“That hasn’t stopped him,” I spat, “or prompted him to repeal a single unfair law, but he does visit the temple morning and night, praying for forgiveness.”
“The high priestesses,” Alisdair and Foalan said at once.
I nodded. The temple priestesses were bound like every woman in Elva, but the one advantage they had was that they still commanded respect. Everyone bowed in their presence and heeded their word. They lived safe and pampered lives in the temples of Meya scattered about the nation.
The only time Emiana had ever seen Salman give a woman respect was when he bowed, waited his turn to speak, and kissed the feet of a temple priestess.
“Sarabai?” Foalan asked.
Again I opened my mouth to say I wasn’t sure. Again, Emiana’s memories interrupted to give me the answer. What irony that, in a real way, she was bringing about the downfall of her hated father.
I replied to Foalan, then cut a look to Alisdair striding on my other side. “So, Alisdair,” I began. “What was your mother like? Tell me about her.”
