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He leaned in—closer, closer, closer—until there was an eyelash’s-length distance between our bodies. “You will never speak to that insubordinate worm again, or next time, I won’t be so forgiving. Am I making myself clear?”
I swallowed hard. Why didn’t I learn from our first meeting? I plunged a sword in his chest, and the man married me. Alisdair never does what I expect.
Chest heaving, I lifted my chin. “Maybe I want to speak to that insubordinate worm again?”
His fiery displeasure vibrated from his chest to mine.
“I’ll have to,” I plowed on. “He’s my runic magic teacher.”
“Iam your runic magic teacher!”
“You’re too busy to teach me!”
“I’m never too busy for you,” he roared, blowing me back. “Never, little bird. You always have my time and attention. Always.”
My lips parted, but nothing came out. There wasn’t a chance to speak. Alisdair was already slamming out the door.
I slid down the wall, sitting down hard. Closing my eyes, I pressed the heel of my palm to my fluttering heart. “Don’t do that,” I whispered. “You can’t fall for your own game. I can’t cut you out too.”
THAT NIGHT, I SKIPPEDdinner in the dining hall, and asked for a tray on the terrace.
The Riagin Gardens were beautiful at night. There were no starflowers, but magic I’d never heard of bathed the flowers in steady warmth. It melted the snow around the flowerbeds, allowing the ice water to flow into little contraptions rigged up to spray a steady mist over the begonias and orchids.
I was so enamored with it all, my pheasant chilled on my plate while I crouched in the snow—studying how it was all done.
“Mimicking the humidity,” I muttered. “Giving them hot and wet in a land that’s cold and dry. Genius.”
I didn’t grow flowers back at home. Flowers didn’t fill a hungry belly, but if I had the chance, I would’ve loved to fill our tiny, cramped space with beauty. There was just something about taking a tiny, helpless seed and nurturing it to its full and natural potential.
I couldn’t control anything in my life. I couldn’t stop them binding my magic. I couldn’t keep Kirwan out of our lives. I couldn’t prevent Mama’s illness. But what I could do was take a seed and grow a cucumber. A small and unimpressive power, but it was mine.
“I’m never too busy for you.”
I tossed my head, groaning. I was doing well. I’d gone a whole hour without thinking of Alisdair and what happened in the war room. The flowers couldn’t distract me for long.
Let it go,my mind ordered.You know he didn’t mean it. He says things like that to mess with your head. Don’t allow it to work. You’re here to make him fall in love with you. Not the other way around.
I repeated that to myself over and over until I believed it. I made Alisdair jealous, so he reasserted his ownership of me by his usual methods of violence and head-scrambling compliments. What mattered is that I did what I had to do. I made Alisdair break down and prove I was something he wanted. Not tolerated, endured, or despised.
Wanted.
That’s what Eadaoin was trying to tell me. Her soldier didn’t know what he wanted until she was right there, bouncing on another man’s lap. The first step was getting him to stop masking his feelings behind sarcasm and disdain. What I needed to do next was improve upon my progress and... and...
“And what?” I sighed. “I have no idea what to do now. I can’t even face him.”
I needed another distraction—quickly.
Rocking back on my heels, I tried to recall the nursery rhymes I sang to Savia. Those were my favorite memories with her—crooning softly to my baby sister while she slept peacefully in the sling. Maybe, just maybe, the right verse would bring her sweet face back to me.
A song floated to the surface—alive in my memory and Emiana’s. Seemed her mother used to sing to her too. Before the sickness took her.
Leaning back over the flowers, I sang—crooning for my dew-kissed begonias.
I don’t know how long I knelt there, singing to the garden, but Savia’s face never came to me. Though tears did.
Crunch.
I stopped and quickly wiped my face. “Aeris, there you are. Did you check on Fintan? Is he—?” I twisted, and landed on Alisdair in the doorway.
