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The Need To Go To VA
“Coleman…” Ziggy’s rough voice went straight to my dick, even after all this time.
“Did you finish yoga? I didn’t interrupt, did I?” I knew his routine. I couldn’t count the mornings he’d be up way before me and the first thing he did was his stretches. I admired his commitment, even when I would have rather been snuggling him in bed.
“Yeah, done. Need to grab coffee. Oh, room service is here? I don’t remember—”
“I did it. I wanted to make sure you had a good breakfast.” Which was another reason why I called him. Despite our issues, I couldn’t stop caring for him, and he would skip breakfast or only grab something small.
“Hang on.” I listened to him opening the door and saying something, most likely to Drake. The door closed. “Thanks. This looks fantastic. Incredibly thoughtful, and you really did not have to do this.”
“I know. But. I care about you. That doesn’t just turn off.”
Ziggy hummed. He didn’t open up a lot, and most of the things I knew about him were gleaned from our interactions, not from anything he said. “’s good.”
“Nice. So… I miss you, Zig.” I didn’t expect him to respond.Miss youandlove youwere words he didn’t do. “I know I sound like I’m backtracking, but I want to see you.”
“Now who’s jerking who around?”
“You’re the one who said it’s too late, but I don’t think it is. I never did.”
“Coleman. You demand things from me that I don’t know if I can give.”
“I’ve thought about that.” I scrunched down on the sofa, plopping my socked feet on the coffee table. It was a sturdy one that could take on the worst of my feet. I’d even sat on it, and I wondered if I could fuck Ziggy on it. It didn’t matter. We might not ever have sex again. But I had to try. “I told you I know you. So maybe…I can see how you feel by your actions, not your words. That’s kind of what I was trying to get to before. But your actions have been twisting me up. You pull me close, then push me away—”
“We’ve been over this.”
“I only want to know for sure that we have something.”
“I told you I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t feel for you, Cole…I feel. And it’s not like I’m screwing around. I’m not. Even out here on tour alone, you’re the only one I want for that.”
“So what is it? What’s holding you back here?”
“Long term, I… Fuck, this is hard.” I waited while Ziggy gathered his thoughts, giving him the space he needed. Finally, he huffed, “I’m a rocker. A drummer. I tour. Even when I wasn’t with the Hunt. I joined bands and toured. It’s what I do. It’s what I know, and I don’t know if I can give that up. I don’t know if I can be someone you need.”
“I know all of that, and I’m not asking you to stop. Goddamn, I followed you all over the fucking country. And I’m working on setting up European dates for you this winter. I know I can go with you. I’m at a place in my life where I can do whatever the fuck I want. And I fucking choose you. What don’t you get about that?”
“I didn’t ask you to choose me…”
“You did.”
Silence.
I stood and made my way over to the wet bar. I had juice in the mini-fridge there. I poured some OJ, thinking that would be refreshing, but immediately topped it off with vodka. It was going to be that kind of morning. I took a long drink. Breathed. Still nothing from Ziggy. “Babe. I’m not asking you for all that much. I just don’t want to be your lackey. I want to be your partner. I want to take care of you but not be commanded to run your errands.” I was referring to the tasks he kept giving me early on in our relationship…like transporting his new motorcycle here and there. At first, I did it all, used to rock stars making strange requests, but it hadn’t been because I was working for him. Our contract didn’t include any of that kind of bullshit. I did it because I wanted in his pants. At first. And later,because I wanted in his heart. But I should have put my foot down and said no long before I did.
“I don’t know what you want. I don’t have any answers.”
“Can we start over?” I finished my drink and set the empty glass on the counter.
“Start over how?”
How indeed. How did you go back togowithout stopping at every square on the board? We’d already gone around once, and I failed to collect my two hundred dollars.Fuck me. “I don’t know.” I ran my hands through my hair. “How about I join you and we see what happens?”
The silence was killing me, but my heart leapt when he uttered, “Okay.”
“Brilliant. So, can I join you in Richmond?”
