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She’d gotten up that morning determined to speak with him, but he’d already left. He wasn’t at the studio either. Apparently it was his day off.
Hannah and Nikki’s laughter broke through her thoughts. She focused her gaze back on them only to find them looking at her.
She smiled anyway, knowing she’d missed whatever joke that had cracked them both up.
“You look like you have a lot on your mind,” Nikki said.
Zara didn’t argue.
“You sleeping okay?” Hannah asked.
Zara thought about her sleep the night before. “Sometimes,” she answered with a soft frown. “Last night was okay.”
Hannah nodded, her expression thoughtful. “It was difficult for my mind to adapt to a new rhythm when I first quit. Not that you’ve quit,” she added quickly. “But your ingrained habits probably aren’t consistent with your current lifestyle.”
“That’s true,” Zara agreed quietly. “I’m so used to being overly booked and overly busy that having time to myself feels…” She shook her head because she didn’t know the word. She didn’t know the feeling. It was new to her.
“Guilty,” supplied Hannah.
Zara’s head came up. “Yeah.”
Hannah’s eyebrows tilted with compassion. “I think that’s normal. Or at least expected. We can get so used to being busy that we think we’re doing something wrong when we stop.”
Truth rang through Hannah’s words. Zara didn’t like that. She remembered a time when being busy hadn’t been her entire personality. She used to play and have fun and create. Where was that girl now?
“Maybe I should try some new hobbies,” Zara said.
“You could try knitting,” Hannah suggested.
Nikki snorted.
“I mean, you can’t be any worse at it than I am,” Hannah said with a crooked smile.
“How’s the new roommate?” Nikki asked.
Zara took a breath to answer but had no idea what to say. She shrugged.
Nikki’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Is he being a good houseguest?”
“Yeah,” Zara said quickly. “He’s such a good houseguest that you can’t tell he’s even there. I never see him or hear him. I’m not even sure he eats. There’s never a dirty dish or towel or anything. He might, in fact, be a ghost.”
“Hmm,” Nikki hummed thoughtfully.
“Is that normal for Asa?” Zara asked. “Or is that special for me?” She tried to sound like she was joking but she heard the harsh edge in her tone.
“These days? Nikki shrugged. “Asa used to be a lot like you, actually,” she remarked ruefully. “We fed off each other’s ridiculousness. He loved being happy. If he wasn’t happy, he’d make it a mission and chase it down like a hunter.” Her gaze lost focus like she was accessing a memory. “We’d amp each other up and drive Shelby absolutely nuts. She’d get so mad at us…” Nikki’s expression turned sad and then shuttered. “I suppose she won in the end.” She shook herself out of the memory and pasted a tight smile on her face. “Asa is who he is now. I’ve given up on trying to get him to be something he’s just not anymore. He’s a grumpy old man now and I’ll love him in this form just as much.”
Who the fuck was Shelby and why had she stolen Asa’s joy?
Hannah and Nikki left to do something in studio X, leaving Zara to her thoughts in the lounge.
Nikki’s information helped in one aspect—it alleviated Zara’s guilt about Asa’s standoffishness. But it also signaled to her that sometimes life circumstances left deep scars. He’d hinted at that, hadn’t he? By confessing he didn’t write anymore; by the way he changed the subject when his music came up.
If that was the case, if he was being haunted by ghosts, she really couldn’t do much about it.
She couldn’t imagine how many ghosts would still be haunting her if she had stopped writing. It was how she processed everything; the world, her emotions, things she didn’t fully understand.
He should be writing.
