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“Zara?” Asa asked.
She buried her face in the towel and tried to cry as quietly as possible. She didn’t want him to know. She didn’t want to talk to him. She didn’t want to be worried about Cas and Devan. And she didn’t want to be in this place that didn’t feel like hers.
She wanted to go home.
She sucked in a shuddering breath and sat down, pushing her back against the wall.
I want to go home.
A therapist she once went to told her that the desire to go home came from a place of anxiety. An intense longing for safety and familiarity.
It didn’t happen all the time, but when it did, it hurt deep in her chest. A hollow burning like she couldn’t breathe.
I want to go home.
“Zara?” came his voice again, this time softer, and closer to the ground like he knew she was sitting down.
She sniffled and he sighed.
“Why did you do that?” she asked.
He shifted and she heard a soft thud on the door like he was dropping his head there.
“I get so tired of explaining myself over and over and everyone else is so busy talking over me and telling me what I need that they never actually hear me.” She rolled the towel into a ball in her lap, unrolled it and then re-rolled it again.
“Would you have ever told me?” she asked, her voice cracking. “Or was it just going to be this secret thing you did behind my back?” She pitched her voice deeper. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
Fresh tears filled her eyes. “What else would you end up hiding from me?” she whispered. “You’re just like the rest of them.”
“Please let me in,” he begged softly, voice strained.
“No. I’m mad at you,” she said. She didn’t sound mad though and she hated that.
“You can be mad at me. I just don’t want you to be alone. Please…”
She didn’t want to be alone either. She wanted to be held by him. But not the him right now. The him she thought he was before. The man she trusted and loved and adored and who wouldneverdeceive her. For any reason. Not even to protect her.
He had been hers. He hadn’t been part of the system around her. He wasn’t part of the brand or the industry, he’d been…hers.
And now…now she didn’t know what he was.
She knew her life came with a certain amount of threat. She wasn’t completely naïve to how the world worked. That’s why she had the best protecting her.
Oh, God. Cas. Devan.
What if something happened to them?
It was all her fault. They wouldn’t be in danger if it wasn’t for her. If she’d just listened to them instead of thinking she knew everything.
“What if something happens—” Her voice cut off, choked with terrifying possibilities.
Panic compressed her chest and cramped her stomach.
She reached up and unlocked the door.
He slowly pushed it open and she was right, hewaslying on the floor.
He crawled into the bathroom and sat beside her, his shoulder brushing hers, their hips aligned, their legs stretched out in front of them.
