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“You know when you get wrapped in your head, and the only voice you’re listening to is telling you that you suck no matter what, and you know it’s not true, but because you don’t want to actually ask anyone else to back you up on that, you start to believe that it’s true?”
“Of course,” she replied obviously. Because, duh.
His lips twitched. He finished with the pens. Not only were they sorted by color, but the colors went in the correct order. And if you didn’t know colors had an order, now you do.
He took a deep breath and finally looked at her.Reallylooked at her. In a present sort of way.
“What if I suck?” he asked. “Like, ruin the whole studio, mega-size sucking.”
She squashed the laugh that wanted to bubble out of her. Asa could never suck. But she understood exactly what he was asking.
“I’ll tell you.”
“Promise?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
“A thousand pinky swears.”
He pressed his lips into a hard line, and she held her breath.
She really needed this. She needed him and his skills. What they had booked for the coming weeks…he could do in his sleep! It would be the easiest paycheck he’d ever made.
“Can I think about it?”
Her stomach dropped and she rolled her lips inward.
“Nikki, it’s not you,” he argued when he saw her reaction. “I’m just not ready to get back into all that.”
“So let’s talk about it. What’s bothering you? Is it the Shelby stuff still?”
He clamped his mouth shut and looked away. Shutting her out.
She pressed her palm to her forehead and closed her eyes.
“I am surrounded by emotional men who don’t want to discuss their feelings.” She sighed and dropped her hand back to her lap.
Maybe if he actuallytalkedabout it, butnooo.
She knew it wasn’t personal.
But for fuck’s sake! It was starting to feel pretty personal!
“Okay,” she said, resigned. “Fine. I’ll have to make some calls.”
And put off her secret session with Zara. But if she did that, she could track the next few clients and let Justin handle mixing.
She knew that none of this was Asa’s fault. He was obviously dealing with something. He wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. She hadn’t said anything about Zara. Though, now she felt like she couldn’t because that would be manipulative.
No, this was fine.
Or it would be.
The secret session had been a long shot anyway.
A knock at her door saved her from having to respond to Asa.
Well, “saved” was subjective.
It was Justin. And he didn’t look happy.
