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My shoulders lift because the truth is I don’t know how I am. I knew it would happen, and I still chose to be there. I’ve been struggling if I’m honest, but I’ve also been trying hard not to think about it. To think about the fact, Iknewshe was getting arrested that night and said nothing because I understand she more than deserves it. She ran my dad over with her freaking car. He could’ve died. Lily could’ve died because Dad is certain she was aiming for her. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s probably the truth.
Yet, I feel like an awful daughter for not telling her. I feel like an even worse daughter forchoosingto be there when it happened because I wanted to support my best friend. If I hadn’t gone, I would’ve missed Dad proposing to her, and as weird as it is, I didn’t want to miss it. If I’d just stayed home, I wouldn’t have had that awful confrontation with her where she accused me of betraying her.
I also wouldn’t have run into Graham, and I haven’t decided if that would’ve been better or not.
Graham hums to himself for a second, and I can feel his dark gaze burning into me. “Why do I get the feeling you’d rather be anywhere than around me?” Right to the point. I’m not surprised, but I wish he wasn’t so… blunt.
And how do I answer that? Every answer feels like a lie. Even if I told him it was true, it wouldn’t be. So maybe I tell him as much of the truth as I can.
“I’m not comfortable around strangers.” It’s not exactly untrue. He and I haven’t been the same since the kiss. I’m sure he’s changed a lot over the years. I know I have.
“Strangers, huh? We might be a lot of things, Sunflower, butstrangers isn’t one of them.” I gasp when he’s suddenly right in front of me with my chin between his fingers, forcing my head up, but my eyes still look anywhere but at him, too afraid the electricity I felt zing through my entire body at his touch will show on my face. “Look at me.” God, I don’t want to, but for reasons I can’t explain, my eyes slowly meet his without my consent. My pulse thunders, and I wonder if he can see. I don’t remember him ever invading my personal space quite like this. When I stare into his warm depths, I almost forget to breathe. I forgot about the gold flecks that glitter in his chocolate irises. “What’s going on, Case?”
“N-nothing.” I chew my cheek, then sigh.Sell this, Casey. “Strangers is the wrong word in the traditional sense. But we don’t know each other anymore. Not really.”
“You think I don’t know you?” His mouth pulls down, but he doesn’t seem angry. Sad, maybe, and it makes my heart ache. There was a time when I felt like Graham was my only friend. I didn’t care that he was a grownup, and I was a kid. I know he only saw me as a kid, but he didn’ttreatme like one. With Graham, I never felt like a burden.
He treated me like what I thought, felt, and said was important. He made me feel like I mattered, and not because he had to. That was a fact I clung to. He may have been my stepbrother, but he didn’thaveto spend time with me or watch out for me.
At least that’s what I thought at the time. As I got older, I realized even that assumption was incorrect.
“Of course, you don’t. You knew a little girl. I don’t know you either. I never did. I only knew what little bits you let me see.” I lift a shoulder and smile even though saying the words feels wrong. Not a lie, but not the truth. “It’s okay, though. You don’t have to play big brother to the little sister you didn’t ask for anymore.”
“Right.” He steps back, clasping a hand behind his neck, rubbing absently. “Then let’s fix that. Go to lunch with me. We can reminisce about old times, and you can bring me up to date about what’s new with you.” His eyes are full of regret and hope. As if he’s made some error and wants to correct his mistake. But he didn’t. He never did anything wrong. I don’t want him to feel guilty. In some ways, that’s worse than him just seeing me as his sister. I never want him to feel the need to keep a relationship with me out of obligation. He did that long enough.
And even if he wasn’t the reason behind myincident, my fixation with him was unhealthy. I can’t revert to hoping he willseeme. Especially when it doesn’t matter if he does. He’s my stepbrother, and nothing could ever come of it. And Dad would totally lose his shit.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The elevator doors open, and I step out. Then, somehow, instead of running like I want, I find the courage to turn around and face him. “I don’t blame you for avoiding me all this time. I know I crossed a line, and you had to protect yourself. You were a great big brother before that night, and I needed it, but I’m not a kid anymore. Any. guilt you’re trying to alleviate, don’t. You have no reason to feel guilty.” With that, I spin around and let my legs carry me out of there with my head high.
And I feel his eyes burning into me the entire way.
Graham
Istare after her with uneasy feelings about everything she said. It’s a strange aching in the pit of my stomach. Something I’m not accustomed to, and I don’t like it.
She thinks I feelguilty?Believesthat’sthe reason I want to talk to her? Maybe I understand why she would think that. It may even be a little true, but not for the reasons she thinks. It has nothing to do withbrotherlyduties even if that was my role for so long.
Even my perverse, forbidden desires don’t make me feel guilty.
She has no idea how much that kiss changed everything for me, even if I denied it for a while. It means I did what I intended. I drew the line in the sand and created the boundaries that defined who we were to each other. No, that’s not what I did. I removed myself from her life. I redefined our roles to appear as if we were nothing at all.
The only guilt I feel is making her believe that lie.
After my father’s revelations Friday night, I’ve wanted nothing more than a pound of Krista’s flesh. The woman is still wreaking havoc on my family because bankrupting a multi-generational fortune wasn’t enough. If not for my personal wealth, my father would’ve lost everything.
Then, beyond the money, there’s my father. She’s filled his head with lies from day one. Convinced him her ex-husband was abusive. She used his grief over my mother’s death to gaslight him anytime he tried to put his foot down. She’s drained the lifefrom him.
All I’ve imagined about for days is how I wish he’d never met her, but every time the idea occurs, I remember if Dad hadn’t married Krista, Casey wouldn’t have been part of my life. And the thought of what would’ve happened to her had I not been around makes me murderous.
I wanted to ask her how she was doing, make sure she was okay after the shit show with her mother the other night. Krista deserves to rot, even though I wonder if that will happen now—ifIwill be able to let it happen—but it shouldn’t have happened so publicly. Not just because of me and the impact on my family, but because of Casey. The look of horror on her face nearly broke me.
But then the feeling she didn’t want to be near me overshadowed that. And the need to close that distance fueled me until I was in her space. The second I gripped her chin, every cell in my body begged me to do more. To erase the inches that separated us.
For a moment, I could see her surrendering to me. Then Blair appeared and she couldn’t get away fast enough. Some might’ve become smug at what could’ve been considered jealousy, but I know that girl. She immediately thought Blair was my date and felt embarrassed for intruding.
Blair was not my date, by the way. She’s my attorney and happily married. She was present as I signed the contracts for the CEO position.
When the elevator doors slide open, I find myself wanting to pick a fight.
