AllFreeNovel
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She’s wrong. I accepted long ago that my mother was right. I’m not good enough. After myincident, I couldn’t dance for a year because I was recuperating. During that time, I missed dancing more than anything. My former instructor dismissed me, and no others would take me. The reasoning was simple—I was too tall, coming off a serious injury that sidelined me for too long when I was barely getting by before. The rejections were plenty before, but after…
Jagger dragged me to audition for Miss Dumond. I was shocked she accepted me. Thrilled, but surprised. But I already knew by then that dancing professionally would never be in the cards for me. That Miss Dumond has let me continue for so long is another surprise.
I’m grateful though because I’ve realized even though I will never dance professionally, I can teach. It won’t make me rich, but it could make me happy. So I pour myself into it even more, determined to help make other girls’ dreams come true.
Miss Dumond sighs, disappointment emanating from her. “Casey, do not waste your talent. Perhaps, for ballet, your height poses a challenge, but there are ballerinas who have become quite renowned and are as tall as you. And there are other options as well.” I smile at her because she’s determined. She has so much faith in me and my abilities that I almost believe it’s true.Almost. “In fact, Midnight Fantasy will hold open auditions soon, and I think you should try out.”
My brows hit my hairline. Midnight Fantasy is an elite dance team that encompasses so many dance disciplines, exuding skill, talent… and sex appeal. Even if I were good enough, I definitely am not sexy.
“You know theyrequiretall women.” Miss Dumond adds on. “You check every single box, Casey, and I want you to try out.”
My head shakes from side to side as my heart pounds in my chest. The thought of standing next to the multitude of talented girls and women, knowing I will never measure up makes me lightheaded. I may not be a stranger to rejection, but she may as well have said the New York Ballet.
But her eyes tell me she’s serious.
I think I’m going to be sick.
She grips my hands again, her eyes turning stern. “I’m not asking, Cassandra. It’s a demand. You will try out. If you don’t, then you need to find another instructor because I won’t watch you throw away your talent another minute.”
Tears fill my eyes. My stomach feels like it’s free-falling. Doesn’t she know how much I need this? Dancing is my life line. “They’ll never take me,” I whisper.
“Then you come back here, and we keep practicing until the next audition. I would rather you try out and be rejected than never try at all.”
I nod numbly, unsure what to do. I can’t lose this. It’s the only thing I have that’s mine, but my heart can’t more handle rejection. “M-my resume… It’s… I haven’t auditioned for anything except showcases at school in years.”
“Then you work on that until the auditions.” She nods as if it’s that simple, leaving me with my stomach in knots.
By the time I make it to the dressing room, bile is sitting in my chest. Mindlessly, I remove my shoes, tights, and leotard, exchanging them for a red, pleated maxi skirt, cinched at the waist with a wide black belt. I pull a long-sleeve, cropped yellow sweater over my head, then drop to the bench and slip on my Converse hi-tops. I reach up, pulling the pins from my bun, then the elastic tied around it, letting my hair fall free around my shoulders. Tears fall down my face as I massage away the ache in my scalp with my fingers.
What am I going to do?
I can’t audition, but it seems I can’tnotaudition either. Miss Dumond doesn’t get it. I. Am. Not. Good. Enough. My skill, talent, looks… nothing about me would ever pass muster for Midnight Fantasy. I would be more likely to be cast in some off-Broadway ensemble than one of the most famous dance teams in the world.
I sigh, dropping my head into my hands for a brief moment, wondering if I should just quit now and be done with it all.
But I need to dance.
I can’t explain it, but I feel free when the music begins and my body moves. I give everything I am, releasing all my pent-up emotions into each sway of my hips and each extension of my legs. It clears my head from the fog that weighs me down.
Even though it didn’t do much of that today, it still helped. I felt lighter, even if marginally, after class. Until the followingconversation, that is.
I can’t sit here any longer. If I’m going to wallow, I have to do it at home. Wrapping my fingers around the Burberry peg duffle Lily gave me when she decided my old bag had seen its last days, I set it next to me and toss my things into it. Before I zip it closed, I remove my phone, and then I slip the strap over my head.
My fingers tap my phone screen as I walk toward the door. I quickly delete a few messages from my mom. My self-esteem and mindset are in bad enough shape today. Allowing her to add to it would be masochistic. But as soon as I hit the trash icon, guilt bubbles in my stomach. I wish I could establish boundaries without feeling bad.
Once outside, the overcast sky makes me turn my face up to see the dark clouds building. The smell of rain is already thick, and I pray the inevitable downpour will wait until I’m home, snug under my covers, away from the world.
Ugh. But first I must cancel on my two best friends.
I step back away from the sidewalk so as not to block foot traffic and pull up Lily’s contact info, tap it, and then place the phone to my ear. “If you even think about bailing on us tonight, I will personally drag you by your hair.” She hisses before it even rings.
“But I’m tired,” I whine, hoping she’ll take pity. “Please, just let me—”
“No.” I should’ve known better. Lily doesn’t have a sympathetic bone in her body. Especially for pity parties. “You are not climbing into that bed of yours. I’ve let you cancel three times already. Now, the car I ordered for you should be pulling up any second, so you get your skinny ass in and get here.”
“Why are you whispering?” I ask instead of arguing. Because arguing with Lily is pointless, she never backs down. She isstubborn to her own detriment.
“Because your dad is five feet away, and I know you don’t want him to know you’re dipping.Again.”
