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I swear, Thane had to be the only person who actually listened to the crap Matt spewed.
Shaking my head, I refused to accept his words. “Why am I the only one having panic attacks, though?”
I should be doing better. It was worrying my parents, and they already had enough to worry about. I wanted to stop being such a big, damn problem.
“Everyone grieves in different ways,” Thane told me. “And this must beyourway.”
“Well, I don’t like this way,” I admitted adamantly. “I want a different way. How do I make them stop?”
“Just… Turn your mind to something else,” Hudson suggested.
I scowled at him, irritated by how easy he made it sound. “How?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged cluelessly. “I like to jack off to distract myself when my thoughts start to get too sad.”
“Jack…off?” Keene repeated with a furrowed brow. “What’s that?”
“Oh my God,” Thane groaned before pointing at Hudson and sternly commanding, “Don’t you dare tell him!”
But Alec waved Thane quiet as he insisted, “No. Tell us.”
Behind Thane, Parker slapped a hand to his forehead as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, which meant he knew what jack off meant too.
I started to feel stupid for not knowing what they were talking about until Damien quietly mumbled, “I—I don’t know what it means either.”
Well, thank goodness. Damien was, like, five months older than me, and if he didn’t know, then I didn’t feel so dumb for not knowing either.
So I rushed to say, “Neither do I.”
The three oldest boys glanced at each other until Thane huffed out a sound of defeat and waved his hand. “Oh, whatever,” he muttered.
“So it’s like this…” Hudson said, immediately whirling back to the four of us who were eagerly awaiting an answer. “Make sure you’re somewhere private so no one catches you, behind a locked door and all that. Then, grab your schlong.”
“Dowhat?” Keene demanded, his eyes wide with shock.
“Grab your pecker,” Hudson reiterated and then mimicked grabbing himself. “And you tug on that shit, back and forth, until it starts getting all hard and long.”
I frowned in confusion as he pretended to fist his penis repeatedly. “And you keep pumping and pumping until…”
“Until when?” Alec whispered, looking dazed.
Hudson smiled with knowing relish as he stopped demonstrating the act. “Trust me; you’ll know when to stop. The grand finale’s the best part.”
Keene, Alec, Damien, and I glanced at each other in confusion, while Parker looked as if he was going to start laughing—something I’d definitely never seen him do—and Thane kept shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe he’d just allowed this to happen.
“We are so going to hell for this,” he chanted to himself. “We just taught two nine-year-olds, a ten-year-old, and an eleven-year-old how to masturbate. Oh Lord, forgive me.”
Ignoring him, we turned back to Hudson. “What’s the grand finale?” Keene begged.
But Hudson never got to answer. Matt came flying back into the room with a nurse on his heels.
When he found the seven of us clustered together and gossiping, he pulled up short and blinked at me in confusion.
“Oh! Well, he seems to be fine now,” he announced, as if he’d always had control of the situation.
Remembering that Ihadbeen in the midst of an epic breakdown, I patted my chest in surprise to check for myself that Iwasfine, and I was startled to realize that my breathing had returned to normal and everything felt perfectly okay.
My grief group had talked me through the storm.
