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I shake my head. “My past has come back to bite me in the ass. I’m struggling, man.”
A familiar tug of anxiety and regret fills my chest cavity as I remember the best—and worst—summer of my life. “Do you remember the day I landed the first Vander contract, and we spent the entire spring celebrating? Partying every night. Fucking gorgeous women. Waking up and doing it all again? Never missing a beat.”
“Oh, I remember.” Brennan arches an eyebrow and takes a sip of his Diet Coke. “We were on quite the tear. I had ahard time keeping up with my fuck-boi older brother, pardon the pun.”
Wincing, I nod and look down at my clasped hands. I’m stalling. He doesn’t need a recap of our past debauchery. He was there. “Yeah, well I ignored the warning signs. Despite our family’s history of alcoholism, I thought I could control it.”
“You’re a year sober now. If you’re beating yourself up about the past…don’t.” He taps the back of my fist with his finger.
I stare him dead in the eye. “No. You don’t understand. I fucked up.Reallyfucked up.”
“How so?” Brennan’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.
I nod sadly. “She broke my fucking heart…”
“The girl you were seeing? Yeah, I remember the petite blonde, but I’m still not following you. You never told me it was serious.” He furrows his brow.
Ah, well, we were private. Too private. And it blew up in my face.
Still, the first time I saw her will forever be tattooed on my brain.
The second she stepped through the doorway of Kell’s Irish Pub, time slowed to a halt, like in the movies. The spotlight from the stage illuminated her from behind and cast a glowinghalo around her delicately sweet face. Thick, golden hair cascaded down her back in soft waves. Her flawless, milky skin made her look ethereal. Angelic.
Her body was sculpted for temptation. Short, cut-off shorts showed off her long, muscled legs to perfection. The black bodysuit she wore clung to her curves, leaving nothing to my imagination. Her tits. God, her tits. Creamy mounds of deliciousness spilling out of her top. Her nipples practically poked through the fabric.
She was, without question, the most exquisite woman I’d ever laid eyes on. The ultimate paradox of innocence and allure. A saint cloaked in the clothes of a siren.
I couldn’t look away. Not for a second. I knew I had to have her.
The way she moved through the crowd—poised and self-assured with a hint of awkward—reminded me of a newborn fawn taking in the world for the first time.
I watched her, transfixed, like a schoolboy.
Then, as if compelled by a gravitational pull, she turned to me and her turquoise eyes caught mine.
And it was all over.
Brennan listens with rapt attention. He doesn’t interrupt or give any indication he’s judging me. I drop the bomb.
“I should have known better.” My voice is a whisper of shame. “I wasn’t thinking about the consequences. Hell, I didn’t even register therecouldbe consequences until it was too late.”
“Shit, man. You never told me the whole story.Heavy.” He leans back in the booth and scrubs his stubble with his big paw. “Things make more sense now.”
I’m not a man who cries easily, but my eyes sting with unshed tears. I’m nauseous with desperation. “At the time, I thought I was justified. But, what I did…how it ended. I’m ashamed.” My admission is raw and frightening. Brennan well knows about my descent into hell after it all went down—he’s the one who helped pull me out.
My brother reaches across the table and grabs my wrist. “People make mistakes. It wasn’t your fault. Work your steps. Forgive yourself; it’s in the past.”
“Easier said than done.” I shake my head sadly.
He arches an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because she’s back.” I wince and recap what happened earlier today.
Brennan’s skin pales. “Oh,fuck…”
“Yeah.” I slump back into the booth, defeated.
The agony of seeing her has unleashed a storm of emotions whirling through me all at once—panic, despair, bitter anger, and heartache.
