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Ash sighs, breaking the uneasy silence. "We miss it, you know? The music, the camaraderie."
I nod, the weight of unspoken words hanging between us. The pub seems to fade away, leaving only the remnants of a shared past.
“Why are you here?” I ask, looking at both of them and realizing the harshness of my question. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s always nice to see you two, but why here?”
I watch Ash gaze at Jagger as if this is his job to tell.
“Mate, sit down. This isn’t for standing up,” Jagger urges, and I watch both sit back on their chairs.
I unhook my guitar, leaning it against the table, take the third chair, and slide it under me to sit. Jagger brushes his hand through his brown mop of unruly hair as he gathers his thoughts together and his deep blue eyes suddenly land on me before opening his mouth.
“Ash and I’ve been talking. You probably heard the latest cover version ofShadow’s Solitudeand how flipping awful it is, but it's been at the number one spot on the charts for five weeks in a row.”
I grit my teeth.
“It’s bloody awful. That wanker sounds like two cats yowling at each other.”
Ash does a spit-take of his pint.
“That’s similar to what I told Jagger,” he says, swiping his sleeve over his face.
“This is a clear sign, lads,” Jagger interjects. “Let's get the band back together.”
If I had a pint in front of me, I’d be the next person doing a spit-take of it.
“Have you lost your flippin’ marbles?” I say cocking my head at him. “Our paths have diverged for a decade. Why would anyone in their right mind want to go back to being a Sonic after all that shite? It didn’t exactly end well for any of us, did it?”
“You’re still playing, Callum. The music never left your soul.”
I purse my lips and furrow my brow in disagreement.
“Listen, mate, when I’m up there on stage with whichever band hires me to play with them, half the time, I don’t even remember the band's name, and the other half, I don’t give a flipping toss to know their name. But when I’m up there, I’m stringing notes like a zombie, following whatever the fuck music they want me to play. Don’t mistake that for passion. It pays my fucking bills. That’s all this job is. There’s no love in what I do.”
Jagger leans in towards the table, closer to me. His deep blue eyes reflect a mix of determination and uncertainty.
“That’s because you’re trying to numb a pain that won’t disappear. We all have it. Music is inside us. We need our band to feel whole again. Without it, we’re just empty souls with dashed dreams that linger on, follow us, and never let go of us.
“If you dig deep enough, you’ll find that savvy kid who convinced millions that his love of music will make him a success. Millions, mate. Millions of audience members put their faith in each of us that we’d be the next group to change the landscape of the music industry.”
He flickers his eyes at Ash and then back at me.
“Find that 12-year-old kid within yourself, Callum. He’s still in there. Because I don’t give a fucking toss what you want me to believe. I see a bassist whose fingers touch the strings of his guitar, and he feels the magic coursing through his veins.”
Haunted by the memory, our fifth band member comes to mind.
The unspoken one.
“Andher?”
His face contorts with a mixture of reluctance and resignation, knowing he has to confront that unavoidable topic.
“A decade has passed, but the wounds are still tender for all of us.”
“Bullocks!” I spit out angrily. “Unlike you, while you all were tending your wounds and broken hearts, I had bigger fish to deal with.”
“No offense, mate, but your rehab was because of it,” Ash isn’t usually this blunt, and I raise a brow at him. “We all spiraled one way or another, and the four of us survived, not unscathed, but it wasn’t all on her. We couldn’t play music because she was a big part of it all. Not being able to play took us down the rabbit hole. But we’ve all grown and learned, and hell, maybe this time, it could be different. Jagger’s right. Wasn’t our motto once upon a time,achieve success or die trying?”
Ash points to my chest, where he knows I’ve got that phrase inked on my skin.
