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No. Absolutely not. I had to stop thinking of him as sweet and giving, even if he often was. I had to get back on track. Remember what was important. What was real. And that was not these feelings that were obstinately trying to grow and throw me off.
Once he was deep in dreamland and his arm had gone slack around me, I slid away from him, waiting until I was sure my movement hadn’t disturbed him. He lightly snored before rolling over, and even that tugged at my heart. I watched his back rise and fall with his deep, restful breathing, my own eyelids growing heavy after the long day. The urge to get back in bed with him and forget everything was intense. Almost too strong to resist.
Clenching my fists, I clung to the barest remnant of anger that still smoldered somewhere deep down and snuck out of the bedroom. It was time to start sneaking around in earnest and get the hell out of this situation before I lost myself completely to Lev’s many charms.
I slipped through the living room and dining area, already knowing the papers he kept on the big table weren’t incriminating in any useful way. Pausing for a moment to look out the vast windows at the stunning lights of San Francisco, spread out beneath me like a sparkling garden, I had to fight the urge to give up and return to bed again.
Who wouldn’t want to stay in a place like this and continue to be chauffeured to class, and have endless time to study because there was no longer a need to worry about finding a part-time job. Following Lev around as I pretended to be his personal assistant was fun and enlightening. The lobbying company was legit, and I was learning a lot.
With a sigh, I turned away from the view, forcing my thoughts back on track. The inside of the apartment was still pretty empty, very much still a bachelor pad since I hadn’t had time to shop for furniture or decorations like Lev had given me free rein to do.
Any other time, I would have considered that a treat. I’d always loved searching out cute things at thrift stores to liven up my bedroom. Brooke and I had gone wild when we first moved into our apartment, searching for things to make the place our own with what little money we could spare. Decorating a gorgeous, spacious apartment like this with an unlimited budget sounded like heaven, but I didn’t want to think of this place as home.
Whenever Lev talked about house hunting, I felt a yearning that almost overwhelmed me, and it had nothing to do with decorating. It was dangerous, just like getting used to living this way was. It was like falling into Lev’s arms every time he held them out.
Pausing outside the bedroom to make sure he was still fast asleep, I entered his private office. If there was anything that would incriminate him enough to get me out of this marriage, it would be in there. I almost expected the door to be locked, but the handle turned easily, and I cracked open the door.
Why wasn’t I hurrying in to search through his files? What was holding me back? It wasn’t fear. That would have been understandable. I could not justify being in there if Lev woke up and found me. It was worse than a fear of getting caught. It was almost like I was wavering again.
Damn it. I’d never been so confused in my life, and I hated it enough to push me through the door. Once inside, my adrenaline kicked in. I hurriedly sifted through every piece of paper on his desk and went through every drawer to find nothing more than records of personal bills and useless things to do with the lobbying firm. His computer was even left on and shockingly came to life when I touched the screen. Even more shockingly, it wasn’t password protected.
“Jackpot,” I whispered, heart racing. I hunched down behind the desk to scroll through his files.
Nothing. It was like it wasn’t a computer he used at all, as impersonal as the apartment. He must have another place where he did his work, the work I needed to know about. Which meant he didn’t trust me enough to bring it to the apartment.
Or he’s trying to keep me safe, a little, annoying voice whispered in the back of my mind. Keep me from being incriminated if anything went south.
It was difficult to believe he didn’t trust me, and I refused to admit the thought he might not hurt my feelings, even as I was searching through his private stuff. He must trust me at least a little, or he wouldn’t have taken me to the bar in the midst of a crisis.
This was what I was working toward, and he had started opening up. He hadn’t told me anything I could use to pin him to any particular crime, but if I stayed the course, he’d keep sharing info with me. Eventually, he’d slip up and hand me the ammunition I needed to bring him down, just like he’d handed me my plate of pie earlier.
All I had to do was keep biding my time, keep him sweet, and I’d find my way out of this forced marriage. After putting everything back in order exactly the way it had been, I tiptoed back to his bedroom and crawled back into bed.
I was so worked up that not even his soothing, relaxed breathing could lull me into sleepiness. Of course, I should have been excited that I was making progress, or even disappointed that I hadn’t found anything yet, but the thing making me toss and turn beside Lev wasn’t either of those things.
When he finally rolled over and pulled me into his arms to settle my restless movements, all I felt was utter confusion. And something that was much too suspiciously close to guilt to understand.
Chapter 23 - Lev
I thought taking Jenna to the bar downtown had brought us closer together, and it did for that night, at least. But by the next morning, she acted jittery and standoffish again. I woke up to find her already out of bed, which wasn’t especially odd since she’d been studying like a fiend whenever she wasn’t doing assistant duties or in a class.
Expecting to find her with her nose pressed to either a textbook or tablet, I was surprised to see her sitting on the couch with a big mug of coffee between her hands. It was full, as if she hadn’t taken a sip yet, and she stared vacantly out the windows. If it hadn’t been so foggy that morning, there would have been a brilliant view of the bay bridge, but I could barely see the neighboring buildings; it was so overcast and bleak.
“Crap weather,” I said. “Good morning, anyway.” I leaned over to kiss her, and she blinked a few times as if she was dragging herself out of thoughts as deep as the fog.
She forced a smile and looked down at her cup like she didn’t understand how it got in her hands in the first place. “Oh, hi. Good morning. What time is it?”
“Still early, don’t jump up or anything. Are you worried about that economics class today?”
Her smile became a little more natural. “I would have been, but I woke up to an email saying it was canceled. The professor and the assistant are sick with the same thing, so I have another week to study for that one.”
“Good for you, too bad for them,” I said, drifting into the kitchen area to pour my own cup of coffee.
She absently shared the class gossip that those two might have more than just a professional relationship. Getting the same cold at the same time was only going to spread the rumor. I nodded and made appropriate noises, but she didn’t seem overly concerned about the salacious campus news, only talking to be talking. Her thoughts were clearly elsewhere.
Deciding it wouldn’t help matters to act like a mother hen, I didn’t ask if anything was wrong. With coffee in hand, I sat a few feet away from her and stretched out my legs like we were settling in for a lazy weekend, not a regular Thursday. If she needed a bit of time to process what she saw last night, then so be it.
Checking my emails put me in a grim mood. Councilman Hardy hadn’t answered my last two requests. Not even something from his office saying he’d be back with me as soon as possible. It was starting to feel like I was being ignored. I needed to make sure he was on board with pushing through some new legislation that would make it easier for me to buy some properties I had my eye on, and they would need to be rezoned for business purposes.
